book cover - 1993-1995   back blank blank



 
sample 1...

All of mankind's literary creation, the nameless first scratches on the cave's walls, The Bible, Little Red Hood, Das Kapital, and you name the billion others, can be epitomized in three words - Good Versus Evil. Actually one may say that all of mankind's existence girates around this simple statement. Contrary to the rest of the myriad of species populating this round rock where the philosophy is as easily summarized in three other words - Eater Versus Eaten. I will leave it to the philosophers among you to debate if my profound statements are as profound as a glass of beer, or less. Or if both statements are actually a variation around one and the same theme.

As far as the relevance to my sample, lets concentrate for a moment on the first one - Good Versus Evil. It hides a very simple and disturbing truth: Good is the camp you belong to, Bad is the other. Agree? Taking now a special magnifying glass and focusing through the thick many layers of galaxies, down to the solar system, then deeper - to Earth, to technological companies, to Scitex, to the Scitex population... good guys? OF COURSE - Support Engineers, bad guys? OF COURSE - Sales Executives. It is so simple, so true, especially when you (I in this case) are a support engineer.

With this absolute truth burning like the eternal bush in my heart, I created the following story. It was distributed under certain "conditions" in Scitex, company name 'masked', and is part of my book. All details are so true that you may allow yourself to cry with compassion and know you are crying for the good cause. The GOOD cause you say?



STORY IN 1 PARTS and 2 XLOGUES

PROLOGUE


        TCISEX Salesman: ...as I was saying - it is the most, best, highest, widest, deepest, cheapest and beautifuliest system in the world... just a moment, we don't deal with agricultural products... ah - of course, of course, of course it can crop, it can also crup, crip, crap, crxp - you name it we do it, everything is with processors and miniprocessors and microb... sorry... microprocessors and other tiny little processors, you see them on TV, you read them in NEWSP, everybody talks about them but you should know who invented them... hold, hold on, don't fall over to the left, she's on the other side... really, you shouldn't ask that, we are professionals, room is no problem - the discs can stay in the attic, well, maybe not all of them - one on the front balcony, don't worry about the neighbours, don't worry about electricity, dooon't wooorry about rain - we will provide the nylon wrappings, we will take care of anything... the PLOTTER you ask?, well if there's something reliable it is the PLOTTER, it works with or without film, with or without light, with or without LASER (don't know him?, no worry - you will!!!), as a matter of fact you can put it anywhere and on anything and even suspend it if you like... some more champagne?... no problem, if you wish we can send your son to a course at our home factory to learn the operation, oh - he' only 5... of course we can work with this scanner - what was the name?... air conditioning? no sweat - do you have a fan... you have it in your car... with a 1.5Volt battery... excellent, magnificent, nothing better... it's the best... it's the developedestest... tri dimensional?, simple, just give me one week... of course, any mesh, any angle, any space angle, any boolean angle, any hyperbolic/hypodermic/hypodromic angle, cyan, magenta, yellow, pink, stars, stripes (forever), anything... ATARI?!... by the way what did you mean by 'page composition'... etc, etc, etc,...

        Customer: ...beeehhh, beeehhh, beeehhh...

        TCISEX Salesman: ...don't worry, our service department will take care of everything, just ask them, just tell them I told you, they will take good care of us... sorry, of you... it's done before you ask it, just ask our service department... look into my eyes... with both of them... could you please sign before the caviar?... do-re-mi...

PART ONE (and last)

        TCISEX Customer: ...what do you mean I need floating floor, and isolation transformer (was ist das?), and electrical installation, and special air conditioning, and glass, and iron, and wood and plastic and earth, why wasn't I told, you know how much it costs, what have you done to me, how do you dare... remove these stripes from magenta at once, no Indian make-up here, I was promised... what formatting, what adjustments - mamma mia - I want production NOW, immediately, don't you tell me stories about operators, it works alone, I know better, I was told... spares, smares, - repair it, what kind of an engineer are you... censored (censored)... where do you go, EAT?!, how do you dare, it has to be finished now, I have 12 customers waiting and 13 shouting and a 24 hours service contract so don't you tell me about overtime... I'll tell your boss, where's my pill... you also SLEEP?!... don't you bullshit me about resting, qu'est-ce que did you do during the 6 hours flight 12 hours waiting list and 3.5 hours drive - didn't you sit down?... but I know I can scan in, plot out, two scanners, four resolutions on one single interface at one time, how come you don't know it... who are you at all... are you sure you know this system... oh - your child has measles, and your wife too, and your dog bites you when you get home, oh - I'm terribly sorry but if you're not here in 5 minutes... who sent you here... shame on you... etc, etc, etc...

        Service Engineer: ...aaaiii, aaaiii, aaaiii...

        TCISEX Customer: ... sorry to have waken up your father, oh - it's your mother in law, well, but you know, it's already 4AM... you're lazy, you're ignorant, you want to ruin me... I will speak to your boss... I will talk to your manager... I will tell your salesman... woof-woof-woof...

EPILOGUE

        TCISEX Service Engineer: ...in a far far far away place, in a dazzlingly beautiful house in the heart of the green countryside, among flowering bushes rainbow butterflies and tall pine trees, a TCISEX Service Engineer tries in vain to scratch his head with hands tied behind his back with loving care and long long sleeves...

        TCISEX: ...(no adequate onomatopœia found)...

        TCISEX Service Engineer: ...blank eyes, searching in vain for a non-existing long past future, staring into infinite horizons of haunting memories and hunting customers... 'they're coming to take me away ha-ha...'...

 

        Customerography: ...Felsinea ...Dystan ...VG ...ORT ...PSC ...and many many more...
 

blank