for Savina, on the loss of her mother...
It was not yet the time for my periodical call,
"Hi mom," I said.
"Hello there my dear son," I heard her answer, I felt her kiss,
Surprised she was there. She was always there, I should have known it.
"I knew you were going to call on me,
You always do when you have a friend in need
So I expected your call.
You know I can only help with advice,
And share some secrets sometimes too..."a soft laughter.
"Did you meet her?... her mom?"
"Of course I did, you are friends with her daughter over there,
So of course I am friends with her mom over here,
Nice lady, loves her daughter immensely,
I will show her around, make her feel... at home."
"Mom?..."
"Yes?"
"How do you talk over there, she does not speak your language?"
"We do not have to speak with words over here,
You would not understand if I tried to explain."
"I hope soon to find it out myself..." I said, knowing it will pain her to hear it.
She laughed softly again,
"Don't rush, my silly boy, use all the time given to you over there,
Here, you have all of the damn eternity to spend..."
She did not use the word damn, it is just in my translation.
"Mom?..."
"Yes?"
"Do you mind if I translate this conversation to English?
I want to be able to tell her daughter I talked to you, and I understand,
And she should not be so sad.
And that you are helping her mom over there."
I forgot that in her original language English was not a known word.
"English? The only English I know is a dance,
Called English Waltz,
I was dancing it as a young woman.
Remember, I tried to teach you?..."
"...and I kept stepping on your toes..."
That soft laughter again.
"This is a soft, beautiful dance, for lovers only,
At that time you were not in love.
Now..." I almost felt her wink, and I blushed,
"Mom, English is the language I talk with her daughter,
What can I tell her?"
I waited, minutes passing, hours,
I knew she was there,
She was always there.
"Did you ask Him?"
"You know I do not believe in Him?"
"Yet you had long talks with Him after I joined over here."
"True, I did, I cannot explain. And it does not change the way I feel.
I still talk to Him from time to time."
"You were always a complicated kid...
I did not always understand you. But I always loved you."
"I always loved you too. I always do. She loved her mom too.
And her mom loved her. You know, you met her."
Quiet.
I could hear the quiet, flowing, passing.
"What do you hear my little boy?..." ... I almost laughed,
Over fifty years of age and still her little boy...
"I hear... quiet."
"Think again..."
"I hear... your voice. I always hear your voice.
All I have to do is close my eyes and I hear your voice."
I felt the slight breeze on my cheek, her way of kissing me... after.
"See?... tell her to close her eyes and remember her mom's voice,
It cannot be forgotten,
The soft words of love, the harsh words of teaching,
The songs she sang to her..."
"I remember the songs you sang to me..."
"And she will remember the songs her mom sang to her,
And bathe in their warmth..."
"Smile for me, mom..."
"Oh, but I do all the time, you just think you don't see it,
Think about it."
"You mean that woman hugging the new born to her breast
Smiling through all that excruciating pain... is you?"
I could almost see her nod.
"And the woman smiling at my first tooth is you too?
You were so young, so beautiful,
You are still beautiful..." I could almost see the glitter in her eye,
"And the woman taking me by the hand to my first day at school,
The woman cleaning my first bleeding wound after a street fight,
The one hugging me and smiling at my first heartache,
The one hugging my child as if it was hers... all these are you?"
"And all these are your friend's mom's smiles too -
When she held her in her arms for the first time, seeing her first tooth bloom,
Taking her to her first day at school,
When she cleaned her first bleeding wound,
When she cared for her first bleeding heart,
When she hugged her kid's kid... so many wonderful smiles,
Never to be forgotten."
"Mom, do you have to leave now?"
A girlish giggle...
"I leave nowhere, I am here always,
"I am..." I cringed,
For a moment fearing she will use the word dead,
I should have known better, she always cared for me, held my hand,
Understood me like no one did...
"...eternally alive..." ... sunshine... "...eternally watching over you..." ... rainbow...
"I am part of the Ever Wenches group..." ...merry laughter...
"And our motto - 'we reign supreme every man's eternal dream'..." rolling laughter...
"Your friend's mom showed me her picture,
She has a beautiful smile,
Tell her we would like to see it again."
Quiet.
"Feel my hug?"
I did.
"Ask her to feel her mom's hug as well, she is sending it with every sunrise."
"Mama..."
The glitter there again, and the smile,
"I know child, I know this tone, you want a personal advice before you close,
I know."
I waited.
"I will give you my advice, my dear,
Yes,
Follow your heart, son, follow your heart and you can't go wrong."
"I love you, mom."
"I love you too."
She was going to close, then I heard her saying as a fading afterthought...
"You should try English Waltz,
You will find you dance it today to perfection..."