Letters, One... She looks at me, questioning. I smile, I smile at another woman, Tell jokes, dance, Share my philosophy of life over a glass of beer, Exchange niceties, letters. She looks at me. She smiles, She reads beyond the artifice of my smile, She knows that hiding behind the jokes, the dance, Sunk into the beer and coloring the philosophy And unwritten in the letters Cowers a forgotten little boy Madly in love with her Afraid of the distance, Afraid of time, Afraid... She knows, Willing to forgive the unforgivable Knowing there is nothing to forgive, Willing to love through the impossible Knowing there is so much love to share, Willing to wait, Knowing for sure that there is a maybe...

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Letters, Two... Do I fear your thunder, Your slashing claw penetrating my chest And cutting through my entrails looking for the heart, Do I fear your fire, Your storming armies crashing down my castle’s walls And ravaging my fleshless body with endless streaking arrows? No. I fear not. What I fear... is your pain.

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Letters, Three... You lifted your hand To touch my face, You tried... Air, Empty fragrances filling up your cupped palm Sifting through your fingers, uncontrollable Like memories of me, Fading into the daily city hum, Petrol fumes, And telephone bills. You screamed, Nobody heard you but you screamed, Your fists punching tiny holes in phrases your mouth formed Bringing about raised eyebrows from your listeners So used to your blinding brilliance And unperturbed smiles, Grimaces, So unlike you. Legends, You closed your eyes, Looking at me with fairies’ words Creating realities the way they should have been In worlds where there is no past, no memories, No regrets, Only fairies, unicorns, lovers. We. A legend.

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Airport Memories... Thousands of people, Well, maybe I exaggerate a bit, Hundreds, ok? Doesn’t matter, I am alone... Rushing to the planes, flooding the shops, Eating, drinking, smoking... I am alone. Just a pen, a piece of paper for company, A bunch of memories doubtful in their veracity Chasing each other merrily, Blindly, Trying to seduce me with a fixed unblinking stare And build a past out of disconnected crumbs, Vision snippets, Dream flashes stolen from dreamless nights, Build a future maybe? Memories of a future to come... Wouldn’t it be magnificent to remember my tomorrow? Why do you stare at me? Are you a crumb off my past, A vision snippet, a stolen dream? Are you a memory reaching back from a distant tomorrow Begging me to believe in your reality? Your fingers touch me, they are cool... so odd... I remember fire, I tell you, Why are your fingers cold? You remember true, you say, You remember yesterday. And you are tomorrow and tomorrow is cold? Oh, no, tomorrow is fire, yes, I am tomorrow, I know. And your fingers? I ask. You hesitate, a memory hesitating to remember, Then you touch me again, I wince in pain, it is hot, the burn sign on my skin swelling, I am your memory, you say, Your choice, Yesterday or tomorrow, Cold or hot, Sometimes you remember wrong, Sometimes you forget, Sometimes you refuse to believe But you can never deny me, I am your memory. I start, reading the words I laid down on paper Unknowingly, Bewildered, Did I dream it all? And then I know, I remember, My tomorrow, my choice, My life to come, Is the fact that I smile reason to believe I like it? No. It is reason to believe that I believe in it.

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Miles... The miles, Once so short, I see them swelling, Insignificant distances become measurable, Inches become yards, Words lose their power as whispers need be shouted Changing shared intimacy into incoherent meaningless rumble. I reach out Testing the distance with a phrase, Then several phrases, Then a poem, Measuring the distance by the intensity of the echo, Is there an echo at all, Are the tiny vibrations I sense sign of departing mountains Or pure noise emanating from a non returning answer Lost... or never voiced? I sit down. I will wait. I know my physics, I will close my eyes waiting for the miles to shrink again to inch size, Then to nothing size, Then to nothing. I don’t have even to open my eyes. I keep whispering Words, phrases, poems, And when I hear my whisper returning I will know she is back. If I don’t hear, you ask? Well, by then I will probably not have to open my eyes anymore. You see, by then I will be beyond caring.

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Lady K... Lady K, your blue of eye, Desert’s lonely piece of sky, Jails behind its silken bars Passions deep as mountains high, Bleeding scars. Lady K, your red of blood Painting sun’s ascending flood Claws its way inside your tears Streaming like volcano’s mud, Burning fears. Lady K, your white of wing, Pure like mountain’s icy spring, Soothes my craze inside your nest As you hug my golden ring To your breast.

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If You Knew... Miss you days and miss you nights Miss you wrongs and miss you rights Answer not my puzzled frown Answer not my rusting crown Vanquish depths of fading fears Vanquish depths of crawling years Enter proud a life’s main door Enter proud awaiting shore Tell me when your smile is lone Tell me when your love is gone. Come and knock upon my gate Come and make me share your fate Hover soft and touch my brow Hover soft inside my vow Ask me when I up and go Ask me not of things you know In the depths of ever more In the years of endless score Miss you wrongs and miss you rights Miss you days and miss you nights.

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Sons Of... Inside of garden’s broken fence I saw you feeding sons of dog, To magic lands of no pretence I lost you. Whence this blinding fog? Amidst of forest’s fallen trees I saw you feeding sons of deer, The call of sweet enticing breeze You followed. Whence this steaming tear? Behind of window’s tarnished pane I saw you feeding sons of man, Your smile I tried to paint in vain, You’re fading... Whence this fear... you can?...

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Smilin' Rose O' winds... Take my money, take my gold, Take my ring of age untold, Take my diamonds counted three, Never take my horse from me. Sunset red merged sunrise white Fierce a mare of footstep light Copper mane through coal black eye Roaming wild the mountain’s sky Till with early morning’s dew Rides my way the tameless shrew. Sweating rump craves for my hand, Angry hooves my shoulder brand, With mischievous equine charm Glinting teeth rip half my arm, Flaring nostrils touch my chest... What’s that neighing rising west? When she bounces way from me Ever mine, and ever free... Take my honor, take my pride, Take my joy an ocean wide, Take my dreams high mountains three, Never take my dog from me. Moonless black merged snowball stain Fierce a bitch of devil’s grain Ploughing scars down shiny bone Drilling gaze hard river stone Depth of forest out she comes Growling death around me hums. Hanging tongue attacks my face, Begging paws my caress chase, With mischievous canine charm Curling fangs rip half my arm, Rubs against my legs the beast... What’s that howling rising east? When she bolts away from me Ever mine, and ever free... Take my reason, take my heart, Take my soul to rip apart, Take my life ten years times three, Never take my mate from me. Wheat field gold merged fathoms blue Fierce a woman hot of brew Dripping honey long of drop Spitting fire rich of crop Holds my path this blinding gleam Magic born of wildest dream. Gliding hands raise torments deep, Brushing lips long fingers creep, With mischievous feline charm Shining pearls rip half my arm, Snuggles close against my mouth... What’s that laughter rising south? When she tears away from me, Ever mine, and ever free...

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A Drop Of Magic... Above my head a tiny cloud... Whence born its thunder deep and loud As fore my eyes it turns to drop, So strangely proud? I gaze inside the grain of rain... Amid a wide and barren plain A waving hand beckoning in, Am I insane? I try to find a hidden door... The drop has soaked into the floor The waving hand fading and gone Forever more. I watch the drying stain aghast, One instant’s magic... then it passed, I’ll never know what might have been Tomorrow’s past.

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Lilac For Me, For You A Rose... You said you’re lost inside my love, The garden’s grown a bit too wild, Red gaping wounds adorn the walls, A chilling breeze of perfumes mild Disturbs you, child. You said the paths had grown too wide, Alien flowers freshness rife Of strident colors loud of mouth Are waging war in mindless strife, You’re sad, my wife. You said my hand has tended weed While buds from red to yellow fade And glaring sun burns desert stains Amid the beds of broken shade, You cry, my maid. Just tell me word, and bare of hand I’ll rip all roots beneath, above, I’ll mend the walls and plough the paths, Torn, bleeding flesh my tender glove, For you, my love. Just pray my eye, and drops of blood Will paint the seed’s short dreamless doze, And as it soaks away my life Will burst, will sprout... my eyes will close... Lilac for me, For you a rose...

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Once Upon... Once upon a time You begged me for a smile, If blue as teardrops in your eyes If long as long’s the Nile. Once one early spring You read my rhyme aloud, And mixing sigh with whispered verse You wove a silken shroud. Once my garden’s floor I paved with words for you, With kites attached to flower stems Revelling in the dew. Once I was a king My kingdom was your heart, Proud vowel knights on poem’s land Obeyed my humble art. * Once upon a time, Once one early spring, Once my garden’s floor, Once I was a king. * Yes, once upon a time I begged you for a smile, My eyes of tears are barren now, My soul is bare of guile. Yes, once one early spring I read your rhyme aloud, I learned to cower in my skin And hide from sight of crowd. Yes, once your garden’s floor You paved with words for me, A chilly breeze now whips my brow Through cracks no others see. Yes, once you were a king Your kingdom was my heart, My wish obey, I beg of you, My heart do take. Then part.

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Poetic Ends... I often wondered how the end would look like. Poetic promises changing into literary sentences, Sentences changing into randomly disconnected words, Words disintegrating into their basic components of Vowels, consonants, Of impeccable calligraphy and meaningless reason Like exploding pellets from a shotgun with no independent mind of their own Screeching the way broken pebbles would grate between teeth Before sinking indifferently in the flesh Cutting veins, heart, life... The end, When the only meaningful message left Hides undecipherable inside the twenty six letters of the abc...

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Colors Mill... I danced with a woman, Her feet on the ground, I was floating, Her eyes closed, I was looking behind her eyelids Straight into her dreams, Black and white With stains of forest green wherever I dared touch them. I sang with a woman, Her mouth smiling, I was echoing her smile, Her eyes closed, I was roving free inside her garden Stealing apples from her hidden trees, Green Painting them pollen gold with the calligraphy of my rhyme. I made love with a woman, Her body giving, I was robbing her of her heart, Her eyes closed, I was gulping mouthfuls of her body’s flower Looking for the cherries, Gold Turning blood red as she helped my mouth pick them up.

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Inspired... From words unborn I drank the sound, In lands unknown I touched the ground, Through dreams undreamt I reached the sky, In virgin’s bud uncouth and shy I breathed life... The butterfly Can die... On dewy lawns I lay my head, Wild rosebush thorns my tender bed, Against my ear a robin cries, Clear steaming stream of melting ice Rolls from my heart... Its thunder’s vice Just dies... Inside a book’s old crumbling walls A broken verse through pages crawls, In vain its search for mating bride, The years have slowed its reaching stride, One mighty roar... With fading tide It died...

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Icicles... I have millions of tears left, Happiness tears, Stored some undefined place, hidden, Waiting for the dam to be broken Before flooding the valleys, the oceans, Feeding salt to daffodils, and lilies, and roses... Did you know that flowers thrive on the salty trail of happiness tears? I wonder, will I be seeing the desert blooming in their wake? I have few pain tears left, So few... I wonder, don’t remember shedding them, Where did I spill them, Could it be they hide in between the lines, the words, the rhymes, Did I write so many poems Or maybe they hide also in between the verses of my unwritten poems? Or in the dreams I don’t remember? Icicles, Cold breath freezing the tears before they reach my cheeks, I don’t know, are these the few pain tears I still have left Cowering away deep in their windowless burrows Yet unable to resist the urge Or the countless happiness tears eager to burst out at a price of freezing death? Poor tears, Powerless against the fearsome cold invading their life As I lean forward trying to recover some warmth from my dwindling sanity Allowing the beautiful icicles stretch against their will Till my body cannot carry the weight anymore And finally tumbles down to its interminable death. My last irrelevant thought being Will I hear the sound of breaking ice Before fading away knowledgeable of abandon and unknowledgeable of reason?...

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Your Number... You are not my number one Not my sun, My waiting gun, Not the path to heaven’s gate Not my mate, My poisoned bait... You are not my number first Not my thirst, My body’s burst, Not the flowers’ boundless field, Not my shield, My life repealed... When I’m crumbling sad and lonely You are there, my number only...

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Going Am I... Going am I, Don’t you cry. In the wake of parting May Whilst your dreams with flowers play Run wild memories astray. Down your secret depths of heart Hide my touches, hides my art, Does it hurt my sunken dart? Every sunrise, time you wake, Drops a tear into the lake Built of endless shapes of ache. Every sunset, time you dream, Drops a smile into the stream Flowing down your silent scream. Gone is May, and autumn’s deep Lulls your memories to sleep, Sweet’s the sorrow, and you weep.

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Pinocchio... You opened the crate, Pulling out shrieking nails from the humid wood, Nail, after nail, some you had to break, Layers of dust disturbing your vision As you persisted in the effort, Sweating, cursing, never giving up, One last rough point, a cracking sound, The cover coming off... What is hiding at the bottom of this strange, origins unknown, box? You picked me up from inside, Looked at me with a questioning eye as if deciding to burn me or repair me, Then your mind set, you laid me down on your work table And started working on me. The simple things first - Some oil inside the creaking joints, Some chipped parts replaced with new ones, Chiselling some rough points and then smoothing them over with sand paper, Fixed a new valve to the pump in my chest And replaced so many cogwheels in my brains That you may have had as well replaced my full head. But you did not want to replace the head. Neither the pump. You looked pensively, hesitating, Playing god has advantages, It has drawbacks, risks, The risk of falling in love with your creation, The risk of your creation betraying you. You picked up the brush, dipped it in colors and started painting, Giving yourself the time to think, to decide, The brush laying out layer after layer of inexistent colors Mixed specially for me with the tip of your tongue And the dripping honey of your eye, The colors soaking into the wood masking away the pallor of the skin, The blandness of the expression, The transparency of the liquid silently sleeping inside the pump. You turned me over, your moment of hesitation gone, You ripped away the wings from your shoulder And before the pain had the time to set in You attached them to my shoulders Lifted my head And blew life into my wood with one long unending kissing breath... You stepped back, almost frightened at your dare. Watching. I opened my eyes, Blinding light forcing them tightly shut immediately, Then slowly I opened them again, Looking at my surroundings With the curiosity of a new born And the lust of an awakening toy, And falling in love with the first human my eyes set their regard on, You, So soft, so gentle, so loving. I love you, I said. Fly, you said, fly and try your wings, Try it to the treetops. Why don’t you have wings, lover? I asked wondering. You hid your bleeding back and just kissed me silent. I tried a few flaps and it worked, The more I tried the more it seemed to be working, I tried to reach the treetops, made it, picked a leaf from the topmost branch And offered it to you like a flower. You kissed it and let it fly in the first album page of a rolling breeze. I tried again, leaving your dwelling for the hills, Picking leaves from higher treetops, other colors, other fragrances, Each time flying back to you and offering them to you, Singles, bouquets, forests, And each one found its way into your album and the album was getting bigger And thicker, And the breeze was turning storm... One time I put my arms around your middle and tried to pull you up with me, But I could not lift my body off the ground, I flapped mightily, desperately, but the wings could not carry us both... You laughed, you unclenched my fingers from your waist and pointed to the sky, Fly my lover, Search the mountains, search the clouds, Search the moon... I kissed you and flew to the mountain top And brought you a flower of ice which melted on your heart And dressed your breast in snowflakes beauty, I kissed you again and flew to the clouds And turned back with a flower of raindrops which cooled the fire in your heart And dressed your breast in steaming rivulets, I kissed you one last time and flew all the way to the moon And brought you a flower of silver rays which painted a sunset on your heart And dressed your breast in desires of sunrise. Wait, you said, where are you flying now? But it was too late, The power of the wings, the inebriation of conquering the heights... I flew up for days, for weeks, months, Drunken with the beauty, Alive with the glory, Farther, farther, Imagining I hear sounds calling me... where are you, Where did you go, come back... Imagining and flying on and on, Nearing, Getting there, Touching the sun... and falling in love with the sun... How long have I dwelt in the blinding desert? Roving in and out the miles-long eruptions, Diving into molten hell and rising unscathed, Protected by my ignorance while wearing sun’s corona to my head And letting the sun pamper my desires for its unending consuming fires? Was it days, was it nights, was it years? One day I played hide and seek, Hid behind Saturn’s imposing body And suddenly the icy shadow froze the bubbling rivers running cross my body And reflected the blue of a long forgotten world... Oh, I suddenly cried in anguish, Lost my way and lost my mind and lost my life, Closed my eyes, rushed to the sun, stole a flower of fire And soared mightily down to an awaiting unknown. You were at the same spot, not even seated, Waiting, Not a tear in your eye... did they all dry away? Not a sigh on your lips... did your voice lose its way into silence? The snowflakes on your breast back to ice, The steaming rivulets back to rain, The sunrise desires back into shapeless knots of silver rays... I fell on my knees, my head bowed, My hands stretched forward, The offerings weighing heavily on my muscles and dragging my arms to ground. I... I brought you the fire To sow in your breast I brought you the dagger To plant in my chest. You... I gave you wings, You learned to fly, I gave you life, My turn to die. I... The haze of the valleys To see in your eyes, The poison of sorrow To strew in my skies. You... You learned to fly And touch the dawn, Your freedom take And I be gone. I... Tomorrow’s emotions Adorning your day, Tomorrow’s deceptions Decanting my way. You... I gave you life, You reached the sun, Your glowing love, My morrows none. I... Wild magic of pleasure Will fire your life, Wild gasping in terror Will ripen my strife. You... My turn to die, Your turn to soar, Your only dream I be no more. You touched my brow, wiping my sweat and touching it to your lips. I gave you wings, You learned to fly, Flight is freedom, Freedom you love. I shivered, the warmth of your voice freezing my heart. Take my wings, Waste my knowledge, Chain me to earth, You I love. You picked my chin up, Touched the tip of my nose with your forefinger and waited. You don’t lie, you smiled. I stayed bowed, My right hand still offering you the flower of fire for your breast, My left hand still offering the steel dagger for my heart. You took the dagger, Cut off one feather, You took the fire and burned the feather, You took the ashes and blew them over my eyes, You kissed my eyes and drank the ashes, You laid down and you fell asleep. Wake up, I wailed, wake up... But you didn’t wake up. I lay your head on the thick album tome, And the hurricanes raging inside And the scattered leaves crumbling to forgotten memories. I picked up the flower of ice and your breast looked pale, And the flower of rain and your breast looked deserted, And the flower of silver rays and your breast looked bare And the flower of fire... and your breast looked lifeless. I jumped off the cliff and started flying, Days away, months, years maybe... Past the mountains, past the clouds, the moon, Into the sun, Dropping each flower to its home, Dropping into the sun, Burning, burning, burning... One day I will be back. And rip the wings off my back, Burn the feathers to ashes, Blow the ashes over your eyes Kiss your eyes and drink in the ashes, And then whisper the ashes back into your breath Watching you waking up softly to my life. * I woke up with a start Shaking the dream spiders crawling around my mind, The long wound along my spine aching fiercely. I looked beside me At the white naked back Curved like a pale half broken pearl, My finger tracing lovingly the barely healing trace Running from your shoulder blades Down to a waist Thickened by the growing life inside your body.

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Miss You... Miss you, Miss your smell, The one I’ll never know           As you wake up in the morning Your flesh soaking in last night’s pleasures you refused to shower away Preferring to let your body bathe disrepectfully in passion’s tide Till morning light will wash it into a memory,           As you yawn and your mouth radiates a musty cavern’s tinge Just before the commercial magic of modernity Wipes reality away in a cloud of artificial mint flavors Which is nothing but a camouflage to your body’s truths,           As your morning’s relief of night’s accumulted body refusal Drowns me in its acrid haze Telling me you exist just a few feet away from me Ready to let me absorb your life’s fragrances any future moment of your life. Miss you, Miss your sound, The one I’ll never know           As water runs over your body Cleansing the many paths running from the shameless tops of your prideful femininity Down to the soft depths of intimate crevasses Relighting scantily a few sparks ready for suicide under the harsh neon light,           As stiff nylon fibres grate against the ivory refuged in your mouth Pulling away skin leftovers just one night old Peeled away from some forgotten body parts now growing a fragile crust Continuously breaking away as I try to move,           As a howling electrical dragon blowing its fierce scalding breath Dries away leftovers of raindrop imitations from your dripping hair Telling me you exist a touching distance away Ready to let me hear your life’s songs any future moment of your life. Miss you, Miss your sight, The one I’ll never know           As your image paints itself inside the door’s inelegant frame Glistening with a few forgotten beads parsimoniously strewn over your skin And blinding me with momentary reflections Of innocuous rays abundantly enveloping your body,           As you pick up the lace garnered silk And hide teasingly slow inside its folds the players of last night’s luscious games Parading before my eyes with make belief innocence The promises of all nights to come,           As your face approaches mine Your crossed eyes poorly imitating a mathematical multiplication symbol Telling me that you exist within one breath’s whisper away Ready to let me regard your life’s colors any future moment of your life. Miss you, How many senses did I miss mentioning? No, wrong, not two... Do you really know so little of me As to miss the millions of senses through which I miss you Making my life miserable In this unending happiness called... My love for you?...

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Freedom?... Take your whispers, Lock them into each other, whisper to whisper to whisper, Add a few powerful sighs, some devouring smiles, Keep adding wishes and dreams and caresses Till the chain is long enough To attach to my ankle, The other end in your hand, And drag me through every chamber in your life. Who needs freedom? Make me a slave to your eternal desire And let me wallow in the knowledge that freedom will never come. Freedom is for people. I... am lover.

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Someone Departed... Cupped my hands to collect your breath, Some smiles, A few words you meant to say but didn’t, Poems you will forever intend to write, A sealed bottle imprisons the last of your skin’s smell Moments before you screamed into submission And moments after, Your thumbprint on the mirror... how do I collect it? I stole a strand of hair while you were sleeping, Dipped it in your sweat Cut my finger and let the salt burn into my wound Finding easily its way to my heart, I licked your lips, Then placed the taste on the back of a stamp That one day will be stuck to the letter That one day you will be surprised to receive... Grabbed the sound of the closing door And locked it away with the rest of the treasures Left floating behind your departing shape To torture me into unending death...

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Butterfly... That moment of madness... A splinter off time, With sunlighted meadows Reflecting in slime, And lullaby wonder Devoid pearly chime, And red hearted cherries Depth bowls wearing grime. You came. You touched. Was it your little finger? Bright sunlighted meadows Are dancing with shadows, Soft lullaby wonder Calms storm’s waking thunder, Wild red hearted cherries Steal kisses from fairies, And madness off time Slowly melts in the rhyme. Metamorphosis. And shadow turns blue, And thunder turns coo, And fairy turns you. Butterfly.

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Wings... “What are you doing here?” I asked “I keep you alive,” she said. She? I never quite paid attention to angels earlier. Come to think of it, I never saw one So I wondered aloud... “Are all angels female?” “You mean women” she laughed. “Why do you think I am an angel?” I looked at the heavy bandages circling my chest, The big red stain soaking through against my heart. “You said you keep me alive.” “Yes, I could be a doctor, a nurse, I could be your wife, only you forgot about me...” She could, maybe she could not. I looked at her attentively, A youngish smirk on her lips, A barely visible flame leaping deep inside her irises... “You could have been my wife, You are not. Why are you not?” “Why do you think I am not?” I tried thinking back, One day earlier One week earlier, No recollection, blankness, void. She went on, not waiting for me to refresh my mind. “Angels are all kinds of... Male, female...” she laughed shortly. “Or kids, cherubs as you call them. Even animals, all they have to do is apply for the job...” She laughed loudly this time. “Sounds almost like a business, doesn’t it?...” I didn’t laugh. She halted, looking at me in a way I could not define, There was something special in that look, why? “How do I recognize an angel?” I asked Just playing for time, Maybe I would remember something. “Oh, this is very simple, You see, angels have wings. Some have white wings, Some have black wings, But all have wings.” “Does it matter the color?” “No, they are all angels, It is just a matter of fashion.” Now it was my turn to laugh. Fashion, angels have fashion... And only two colors?... I almost rolled off the bed laughing And she held me back to stop me from falling... The fire... oh, the fire where she touched my skin “... the fire where you touched my skin...” I gasped Looking at the red spot with the single tear boiling underneath the blister. “Does it always hurt when an angel touches a human?” I asked, forgetting the pain, forgetting the pulsating fire. “No,” she answered, sadness clothing her smile. “Only when...” I was suddenly impatient, I had enough talk of angels and fashion I wanted to know what I was doing there, Where was my yesterday Why this dressings around my chest Why this oozing red Why angels at all? I asked her. She answered. “You fell in love with me, You were dying, Your heart was bleeding incessantly, I had to make you forget, To mend your life To save you. I saved you, I made you forget your love. I made you forget.” She was right, I did not remember anything, I did not remember love Or death, Pain, I simply did not remember anything. Was nothing better than death? Maybe it was. Why was my heart bleeding? I pursued my interrogation. She smiled again, She looked sad, she looked relieved. “Because you and I were not meant to be. There are earthly regulations, There are celestial rules, They cannot be broken Nor escaped from. We fell in love And my desire for you sunk deep roots in your heart Growing stronger and meaner by the moment And the more I needed the more you wanted me to need And the more I was sucking your blood into my veins The more you yearned for feeding me your life... The more we were breaking the rules... The more you were dying.” She touched my brow with her lips, The fire of the touch did not frighten me this time, Did not hurt. “I had to save you And the only way to save you was to make you forget, To pull my roots out of your heart without your notice, To let you go, To let you leave, to let you live, To leave Without you hurting. You see? Because I love you. Do you love me?” I looked at her, A stranger, maybe an angel, Claiming to be an angel, So what? I did not know her, I did not care for her, I did not love her. “No, I do not love you” I said unblinking. No line of pain in her eyes, On her face, Only an incredible pallor And long shapely nails sinking in palms drawing thin trickles of blood. “I am glad,” she said. “Now I can leave, now you can live, The last of my roots are out, Your heart will mend, You forgot.” She stood up. “I am glad that I could erase the unforgettable from your mind. I am glad for the memories I carry I will never come back to pain you again. I am glad I saved you Because I loved you. Because I love you.” She turned to go. She turned to fly. She opened her wings. I gasped. “You said white or black...” I heard myself muttering. She didn’t look back. “Or mine...” she whispered. “Only mine. You painted them.” One strong flap and she was in the air. “With words. While you still remembered...” The buzzing blinding life in her wings pierced my mind With an insane view of wildly flittering butterflies battling for supremacy With furiously waving flowers drowning in a sea Of frantically wavering rainbows reflecting from a desert built Of endlessly rolling shards of broken tinted glass... She flapped away. Memories... Memories... Invading... unforgettable... unerasable... Waking up... you were mistaken angel... unforgettable... unerasable... The burning charcoal we let our souls roll through As our minds devoured each other’s fabric And our bodies danced to the roar of dragons’ flare music... The invisible roots still sunk in, clinging at heart’s giving walls... You were mistaken angel... As she flapped further away The pull getting stronger, The memories sharper, The tense clinging root yanking, tearing, ripping... And I smiled as I saw my heart breaking through the protective garments, Steaming red pouring freely out of its crushed chambers With bits of fast decaying flesh spreading away from me While I sank slowly into the bliss Of receding pain And eternal forgetfulness...

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Weapon... Is the weapon that conquered your deserts, Sowed your fields And painted your forests, Chased your dragons And set fire to your sun, Gave you life... Is this the weapon piercing your heart?

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Blue Eyes... Blue Eyes as your blue spark glows Burning holes through morrow’s fate, In my heart the desert grows,           Sweetest mate... Blue Eyes as your blue salt streams Rolling into crystal pearl, In my heart the desert screams,           Sweetest girl... Blue Eyes as your blue ink dries Blotting screens of yester’s life, In the desert my heart dies,           Sweetest wife...

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Never Been Times... I wish I’d sing of have been times, Of yawning snowdrops’ waking chimes, Of smiling hills When daffodils Are wedding light in sunset rhymes. I crave the pain of memories, The fleeting touch of morning’s kiss, The closing eyes When late goodbyes Melt in the warmth of early bliss. I miss the never happened fore, An endless hug on crystal shore, An eerie sight When dawning night Explodes like stars encrusted ore. The never was, the has not been, The maybe if, the ache within, I’d rive my heart, I’d wipe my art For one sole night of your sweet sin.

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Storm... Like a cyclone of sudden and savaging fury Demented of senses and mindless of jury You’re lynching my landscapes and flooding my burrows Along my defences deploying deep furrows, My mountains to rubbish, my rivers to dust, My steel crumbling swiftly from luster to rust, I cringe in my shell for the ire to pass My shield a thin whisper of satin and glass, A bellowing thunder in rush for my heart... Then quiet... a smile ripping darkness apart, Your storm is departing, the sudden blind rage Decays to a rustle asleep in a page, As growing blue patches your skyline adorn In each of my teardrops a rainbow is born...

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The Masters Of Chance... Do you remember, Elvis was rocking, Neil on the moon in soft dust started walking, John with the Russians was going to war, Paul John George and Ringo scooped charts with a roar, A waspy lithe body with skirts flying high, With chest crushing chest, with thigh crushing thigh, Wild fluttering hair and rolling of hips, And hand crushing hand, and lips crushing lips... Do you remember, “One Night” in the van, “Ich bin ein Berliner”, “A small step for man”, Do you remember I do and I do, With the Platters sweet playing a soft “Only you”... Do you remember, you screamed at the sky, A baby tore out in the world with a cry, A bundle of flesh hungry clutching your breast, Your body in tatters, your spirit at rest... Do you remember, the masters of chance, Forever at war with the masters of dance, Decided to play all their cards like a clown, And Elvis was dead, and John was cut down, And time traded space in a battle of wills, As memories fade and as nothingness spills, And there never was I, and there never was you, And there never was us, and was never I do...

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Passing Trains... Two trains side by side, Running at the compounded speed of passing seconds, days, One east to west from somewhere unknown to nowhere known, One west to east from another somewhere to another nowhere, Unknown too, Both loaded with humanity, Strangers, travellers by chance and of fortune, Aliens in their own world. How did I see you? Or was it you who saw me first and waved shyly my way? All those millions of colors, and suddenly all I saw was blue, Shining, twinkling, begging, A vision, Unreal yet... how come it suddenly smiled? Blue visions do not usually smile at some insignificant brown watching them From across a gulf of space that could span half a galaxy Yet is as small as the sound of a single word... I had to stop the trains, I simply had to, I had to ascertain that dreams do exist, that visions may materialize, I had to use a magic wand, I raised my magic wand... Hey, where did I suddenly have a magic wand from?... No time to think irrelevant thoughts, The speed was maddening, the distance shortening vertiginously On its way to start increasing again, Decide... use your wand... it may work... it may kill you but who cares?... Snap out of your spell, do it... I raised it... I let it hit the air like a giant whip... it thundered... The trains froze, I didn’t even feel the deceleration, One moment running madly and the next frozen, Smoke frozen on its way up from glowing stacks, Birds frozen mid flight, Dust looking like mud sprayed on an invisible memorial air canvas, Humanity frozen in mid movement, chewing, crying, giving birth... I looked at myself flexing my fingers... I... could move, Looked across towards you, your blue just a bit further away down your way Yet almost across from me, The blue set in a face set on a thin neck running on into a body, into arms, fingers... I looked at your fingers... oh, my God, they were able to move, they were trembling... I stretched my hand, Half a galaxy of distance suddenly reduced to a bit over one arm’s length stretch, You stretched your hand, Fists still clenched, unsure, Only finger length separating us now, Who will move first, shall we move, Shall we open our fingers and let them touch, Can we freeze the trains forever and cage humanity inside its immobility shell? I stole a glance behind you... just for a short moment, Watching the insides of your wagon, A kitchen... some chairs... a car... A few pages of history... A few faces blurred by distance, Maybe not only by distance?... I wondered what were you seeing behind me when I felt my grip loosening and the trains almost tearing away from my wand’s grasp. Concentrate, concentrate, you are not going to lose your grip now, Will you?... I didn’t pay attention as to who opened his fist first, It did not matter, The fingers started moving at a pace of their own, Uncurling, unfolding, Stretching, A fingernail thickness separating... Touch... Searing pain, fire, curl back... The trains tearing away... Unfold again, clench, hold... The trains screeching to a halt Their might defeated by the frailty of that hold, The wand wasted, Passion, love, taking over... How long could it hold? How long could these hands whisper the skin thick magic Welding the palms together? As the fingers danced their orgy of touches, As the fingertips whispered incessantly words the mouths were too far away to hear, As the magic of man made metal empowered by God made words Tried to anchor into an unknown haven in heaven... A jerk... human sweat poured inside the hold, tainting it with humanity’s reality As the mindlessness of trains kept pulling away Tearing at the hold... Heaving... pulling, Realities heaving and pulling, The worlds heaving... pulling... I felt a sliding movement between the palms, Bone break sound... metal tear sound... A wailing sound... was it my throat raising its rage in prayer to an indifferent sky?... I screamed, As our trains suddenly bellowed apart Each continuing its unabatable journey into its own future, Humanity moving again, chewing, crying, giving birth... Dust billowing, Birds flying unaware... I... bleeding... I neared my train’s door, Regarding unseeing the ground rushing at deadly speed Underneath the racing monster, I opened the door Sensing your fragrance trailing your track like a steel chain attached to my neck And tasting your blood’s salt in the drops flowing an unforgiving trail From your ripped fingertips still stretching my way Inside your departing world. I will find you. Your traces are there. Your destination known. I will find you. All I have to do is just jump off my train. I jumped.

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Prometheus Delivered... Reality kicks in With the stomping grace of the proverbial elephant in a porcelain shop, Obliterating, Mindless to the delicate shapes of singing, dancing figurines. I always thought dreams were beautifully immaterial, No substance, Nothing that can die, Nothing can ravage their un-dimensional existence, Dreams are eternal. So I thought. And reality’s steamroller rolls unperturbed Smashing, Grinding to thin dust the most untouchable of memories And leaving behind a pitiful splash of what, Once, Was a whole world. I open my memories book for the first time. No, I don’t lie. Every time I open it is the first time Because every time it is a new book, A new memory written in, changing it to something new, Different. I go through the white pages, so many of them, I go through the days, years, White, white... When did my memories start? I watch my fingertips as they leaf through patiently, Blackened, Charred by the touch I dared touch you Stealing the fire from your body And letting it seep in depths of inner soul Depths of dreams, Depths of memories, Now punished Prometheus wise, to be chained to the rock of life No vultures ripping pieces of my liver But memories, Tameless, wild, Indomitable. Finally, a blush conquers my cheeks, A first page, No text but a childish drawing scratched on it, A few lines for a body, a circle for a head And a funny triangle for a skirt, A question mark to the left side of what was supposed to be a chest. Woman. The first time I met one. The first time I met you. A few memories later intercalated by some white pages I added something symbolizing hair to the bald head, And breasts. Many memories later adding a basket of flowers, colors, An abysmal drawing of something supposed to be a bird And the first words, The first rhyme abhorred by all self respecting poets Envious of the one who invented it - Dove, Love. Leafing on, Falling asleep on the open book And waking startled that maybe I missed something... Didn’t miss anything. Memories written, eternal, Each page tearing a piece of liver and burying it with a dead past, Another page, Then another. Kisses. I must have been dozing since I missed the first kiss And jumped right into the flood Shaking off the remains of a tired brain and drinking, gulping, Pages, upon pages, upon pages Of kisses, hugs, kisses, kisses, kisses... Kept looking for a break, for a breathing pause, None, Kisses, kisses, kisses, Months, months, months... Body touch. Fire. Melted gold spilling inside my throat through a mouth pouring down sighs, Turning to gasps, Turning to animal yelps calling upon God For his wonders, For his angels, For the passion dressing two naked bodies into clawed ribbons of skin... Followed by a deafening blessing of silence... And a flood of verse None of which as magical as that childishly primitive Dove, Love. Do you remember when the skin started healing? When was it, how many pages later? Many? Few? Was it when the pages started getting a yellowish glow, So unnatural, how come the newest pages getting the yellower hue? The colors fading into grey, The kisses into sparsely disconnected pages, The body healing its outer layer Leaving the bleeding for the unseen insides Barred from telling the story to the world, Silent, Not even a word penetrating into the book’s last pages Covered invariably by a cacophony of question marks Separated by a forest of meaningless vowels... Dying memories, Recent memories, mostly forgotten already Some even before getting born Leaving the last pages so full of dead dreams. A battle field Littered by corpses slowly decaying into disjointed pictures Slowly drying into peeling paints Slowly disintegrating into forgotten moments. Lost. Gone. Last piece of liver gone. Hercules couldn’t rescue him this time. Hercules is but a myth, Prometheus is alive, smiling. Dying. Finally, Prometheus is delivered. * Deliver. De-liver. Dementia. De-mentia. I don’t close the book as it falls from my hands Crumbling into late evening’s dust Wiped away by reality’s incessant rumble about life, About immaturity of memories, About naiveté of dreams. Tomorrow they will find me, Head hanging to my chest, Mouth drooling disgustingly in my lap And as they try to close my eyes They will leave, wondering what was this fire they could not extinguish in my eyes. They will not know I tore out the page telling the story Of stealing the fire And nailed it to my chest with golden nails Forged in the furnace of a hidden match From a piece of yellow metal That once adorned my finger.

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Moments... Four wheels, Carrying heaven, Does it make sense? The quiet, the whiteness of snow, Heaven humming quietly As we huddle inside its warm entrails, No other soul around, Not even squirrels, or crows, A rare snowflake dropping on the windshield And melting immediately into a drop of ice. Our honeymoon refuge, Our years long marriage and minutes long stolen honeymoon As we consume our passion in one single fiery gasp Losing a virginity long treasured To a lust long buried and finally exploding like the birth of a new sun... Cuddling, after, The receding taste of a kiss, of an intimate touch, The warm somnolescence following the short moment of awakening When our dreams finally seep into reality And leave a trace of sparkling gold Upon the last of the falling snowflakes. I love you, you say. I say nothing. You know it all.

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Stupid Games... Playing stupid games, Trying to imagine you don’t exist in my life, Waking up to a world running its course indifferently Reborn every day in its ignorance Of us, Of I and you, Of we two, A never born star Which never carried a dream, Flowers, a garden... The garden sowed by my words with your own seeds And colorful melancholic birds... And I bend down in pain Rolling on the asphalt Seeing huge wheels coming my way And unable to move out of their path. Unable? Unwilling?

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How Much Do You Love Me? She Asks... How much do you love me? she asks. Ask me and I will tell you, I answer. Do you love me enough to forgive me? she asks. When drinks conquer my reason, Abandon rules my desires And out of home I wander days, and weeks, Friends and strangers touching my skin Baring my flesh to hungry regards As my lust ridden body voraciously tastes forbidden pleasures Before the haze lifts off Leaving a desolate desert in my spirit And broken, tired, disappointed I crawl back to you And ask you to take me back?... Easy question you ask, woman, I answer. Loving you is clearing your mind, Covering your flesh, Healing your spirit and seeding it with the green of life and red of love, Caring for you in your need After you’ve been lost and frightened for long painful moments in an alien world And finally found your own way back home To a lifetime of warmth and tenderness By my side... Do you love me enough to die for me? she asks. When death knocks at my door asking for its due All warnings having expired And I am out of change having wasted it all on pleasures Of which you were excluded Finding that the only friend I have left is the one I’ve kept away Never having thought of him till the moment of need Desperation having brought you back into my mind and memory And frightened I hang on to your hand Asking you to be the shield between me and eternity?... Easy question you ask, woman, I answer. Loving you is being your shadow, Following you undemanding if in sun If in darkness, Never dozing off on duty, never hiding behind pretence and opportunity And happily offering my chest to absorb a bullet directed your way Leaving this world in blessed short lived knowledge That your warmth can safely open the door to the tenderness of another tomorrow... And if I asked To lose your might, To lose your right To win a fight, To lose the battle, Lose the war As mocking crowds despisal roar, As worthless clowns Your honor maim To end your days In scorn and shame? To this I answer It’s your right To feed me spite To feed me plight, To break my will, My day to end As mocking crowds my spirit bend, If this your wish My lover dear Then shame and scorn I hug and cheer. Do you love me enough to leave me? she asks. Do you love me enough to leave me? she whispers. When reality paves the path leading into a dead end street With life roaring gloriously towards an impenetrable wall And we both are in the carriage Hanging to a broken steering wheel, broken controls, broken brakes Knowing that only separating our ways will open a door into that wall Allowing a life of sorts In two separated worlds Never to be connected again except in dimming memories Of passionate kisses replaced by hollow laughter And decaying fires of the flesh?... Do you love me enough to leave me? Difficult question you ask, woman, I answer. Difficult question you ask. And I think. Never again to touch you, Never again to see you, hear you, taste you, As interminable passing days roll interminably over me their interminable torture In my knowledge that you exist in another world Inaccessible to me Never to return to a dwelling Crumbling inside walls longing for your presence And for your song?... Difficult question you ask, woman, I answer. The most difficult question of all. Yes, woman, I love you abysmally enough to leave you Into warmth, into tenderness, And to die every day of the rest of my days Knowing that you live. * She smirked in what I interpreted to be a feminine she approving of my answers fashion, or so I hoped. Then she turned into a perfect ball and started purring. I was afraid to touch her or she might start rolling and never stop. Instead I busied myself with mind games around feminine and feline and was just about to promise myself to coin and copyright a new word which will be femiline, when I heard the purring change pitch and something like... “...Your turn now...” coming out of that perfect ball. “Shall I ask you?” I asked. There was a noise similar to ...ehmmm... which is the closest I could translate into written letters, but which meant an unmistakable yes spoken from the depths of a throat too lazy to open its mouth. “Can I abstain?” I insisted. Another, this time unletterable noise came from the same ball, meaning a clear no. I looked at the curved forms guessing already what the answers might be, yet afraid to ask my questions. “Will you forgive me?” I ask. “Never”, she answers and rolls tightly against me. “Will you be willing to die for me?” I ask. “Never”, she answers, one appendage defining itself as a slender hand sliding out from that perfect ball and unbuttoning my shirt’s top button. “And if I asked To lose your might, To lose your right To win a fight?...” “Never”, the broken record in her mouth echoes its previous intonations and a second shirt button gives in to those slender fingers, the thread snapping with a sharp sound under the impatient fingertips. “Will you leave me?” I ask, my body rigid, frozen, fearing. The ball unfurls into its feminine components as she sits across my lap, eyes holding mine with hypnotizing power as her two hands tear my shirt wide open. Then she takes lumps of cloth from her own shirt in her fists and pulls it wide open with buttons jumping like the scatter of a shotgun in the room, then she lays her bare skin against mine into a perfect fit of boiling honey pouring over a blistering thorns field. I can hear only a heart beat, barely perceptible breathing, a lost sigh... Has she fallen asleep? I wait, all cramped and numb, afraid to move and disturb the ecstasy of the pain, the agony of the wait, the fright of the unknown. The sun goes down letting the whispers of ascending night softly start their slow crawl around us, when finally she moves her arms around my body, locks her fingers behind my back and in the most indifferent manner her whisper roars into my ear. “Never”, she says.

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Passion Reborn... Hush. Quiet. Silence. Your eyes closed, Daring not open them Lest you wake up from the fiery holocaust Grinding your landscapes And charring your mountains into the desolation of a black desert Smouldering away its satiated hunger Through gasps of steaming breath Escaping your gaping mouth And blistered throat. Your fists clenched, Daring not open them Lest you lose your grip on hell’s bubbling cauldron Pouring its molten brew through your veins Straight into passion ridden swamps hiding depths of your storm devastated valleys As the slaughtered gale wastes away its tidal rush Into an ever dying quake’s wake Clinging obstinately to muscles gone limp And fingers in the grasp of life’s awakening throes. Your heart locked, Daring not open it Lest you discover reality’s winter Indifferently conquering your mountains, Icebergs turning your valleys into an immaculate white landscape of death And the velvet talking to your body and caressing your mind Slowly metamorphosing into tinkling icicles Singing a tune For no ears to hear. * I touch you. You shiver, you wake up, A weak pulsation visible underneath the whiteness against your left breast As a soft puddle of clear water forms across the melting spot, growing, And finally it elongates tear shape and slides down along your rib. “Your heart is crying” I say. “Where have you been” you say. “I have never gone away” I say. Your eyes shamefully hide their bewilderment behind transparent eyelids Betrayed in their sanctuary by an incessant flutter As your naked body curls around my ankle Clinging like an imprisoning flesh ring Tying me to a weightless infinite passion. I regard the last of the flakes turning into shimmering crystal balls all over your body, Winter’s dew one by one rolling away And splashing into a firework of exploding miniature deaths all around you. “Your fire, your hell, I missed it” you say. I bend down and touch the scorched spot underneath your breast. “It’s always there girl. My home, My sanctuary, My kingdom, My birthplace, My womb.”

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Flutes De Pan... I heard a voice, Unexpected, the radio playing Then suddenly this colorful female voice Plaintive like a summer rain steaming away from the hot asphalt, Her tremolo vibrating inside my bones Playing through them like so many flutes de pan Voicing an ageless wail to an unhearing world And content to lay its pain to bed inside the softness of my marrow. I stopped the car, closed my eyes, Let them absorb the sensation, A sensation dragging me back to this timeless time When I shivered the way I shiver now, Inside the confined space of a truck’s cabin A moment away from death Approaching me in the shape of a pair of female lips Ready to spit their fire inside me And burn my entrails to a shapeless lump Of charred heart and lungs and blood. I never woke up from that death, So more artful than anything I could ever lay down in word.

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Sad Am I, Oh, Sad Am I... Miss you Tiger, little friend Gone beyond cloud’s silver end, Gone your tail stump’s wagging art, Gone my joyful slice of heart, Friend of mine don’t watch me cry, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... Miss you Elvis, dear old friend Gone beyond sun’s golden end, Gone your song’s amazing art, Gone my singing slice of heart, Friend of mine don’t ask me why, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... Miss you Mother, gentle friend Gone beyond sky’s silken end, Gone your tender caress art, Gone my loving slice of heart, Friend of mine to smile I try, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... * Miss you Lover, miss you friend Way beyond world’s hazy end, Miss your passion’s raging art, Gone my burning slice of heart, Friend of mine my life’s a lie, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... Now my life’s memories rife, Miss my life, oh, miss my life...

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Metamorphosis Two... Let the moon hide your face, So I can look at you           and be blinded by the corona’s stretching fire fingers... Let the night mask all but your eyes, So I can regard them           and die still counting the countless exploding stars... Let the wind ruffle your hair, So I can crush under the colossal weight           of mountain high swishing fragile petals... Let eternal quiet envelope the world, So I can smash against your shores           lured by the siren song of your breath...

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Cover Girl... I knew how she looked like Having seen her so often in my mind’s eye, Platinum blonde, her long hair softly flowing down to mid back Curling outwards like flowers’ petals just opening up to morning’s sun, Alabaster blue, shining, penetrating eyes cutting slices off my face Like steel-cutting lasers testing their strength on lumps of butter, Deep red lips opening up to into a perfectly white curtain of perfectly straight teeth Able to rip through flesh and hidden bone, Venus breasts their tips hard marble, Guitar hips their touch a sunset melody, Ballerina feet their step feather light... The perfect dream... Cover girl... I met her My eyes searching every feature of that dream my mind painted over irises, Oxygenated blonde, her hair a wild mess of disarrayed curls Going whichever way round her shoulders and forehead, The blue of tired eyes warmly regarding behind glasses into a world Ending hazily a few feet away, Pink lips, slightly moist, slightly curving into a smile Uncovering teeth slightly stained by smoking, slightly crooked, Soft breasts ripened by age, Hips having carried children into life, Thin legs that once danced upon table tops... The perfect woman... Reality... Dear God, If you exist somewhere and can get away from your accounting books For a few seconds Please close your eyes and heed my words... Thank you for imperfections, For wild hair gathering lumps in my hand as I pull that head towards me Eyes glinting a pale blue focusing an immense warmth on my face As half opened lips drive sharp irregular teeth into my mouth And bare breasts offer their softness to a hand Being allowed to slide along the desire of hips And abandon of legs... The perfect love... Life...

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Melancholy... Fresh the flowers, Old the pain, Crawling mists across the plain Dress my mind melancholy Again. While the storm’s eye Beckons rain, Daylight’s sorrows slowly wane As I pry to depths of me, Insane. Gone’s the moment, Heals the drain Feeding left of chest the stain, Drops of bitter potpourri Remain. Back is reason’s Cruel reign, Ageless memories are slain As I scream my rage, my plea, In vain.

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The End Of It... Lay upon my ears All your darkest fears, And by the time to moonlight glow Falling stars will change to flow Of tears, Fears will fade for evermore in the worlds of never know... Bring into my life Sharpest blade of knife, And by the time the sun will pry Open gates to bluest sky For my wife, Knives in yielding flesh will sculpt all the magic of the why... Ask me now again, Things like where and when, And by the time my pain’s to rest Once you carved my heart from chest Then, When the night will paint my eyes you will guide me to your nest...

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Intimacy... When you don’t think, You don’t ask, You never have to ask, You just do and you know that it is always the right thing Because it can never be wrong Between lovers. You cry, Because it is the moment to cry And the reason is there to be or not, And I don’t have to know because you know, All I have to do is find a clean handkerchief, Blow your nose, dry your eyes, Gather your sadness in my lap along with your body And lull you to sleep Past the tears, past the moment. You smoke, Because it is the moment of need And you don’t ask if you may, And I don’t comment, don’t wriggle my nose in distaste and disgust Even though I hate the smoke and the smell But wait for you to unload your heart, your fear, your need, Knowing you will not do it to spite me And it pains you terribly to let me see your distress Yet once the moment gone You will cuddle in my lap And let me caress your body in silent gratitude For being so close to you. You shower, Because it is the moment to relax, To free your body of the day’s stress and drown inside the drizzle Allowing me to watch your wet skin As rivers run long your breasts, down your hips and legs, Then you shake off the extra droplets And invite me to wrap the towel around you and rub you dry, Pour you inside thin underwear Before absorbing your fatigue in my skin and words as you sit in my lap And fall asleep just before the princess marries the prince And they live happily ever after. I touch you, Because it is the moment to love your body And forget those moments without you So strange to my need and desire, And you smile, You allow my hands to wander wherever they mindlessly wish to, My eyes to capture your skin beyond shyness, You whisper in my ears words you would not whisper to anyone else Demanding, asking, goading me to come as close to you As your skin, As deep inside you As your blood, As loving as no one else is allowed to Beyond our intimacy.

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Moments, First... Rolling through my mind incessantly, Those moments, the first, the once and never again event, The birth of intimacy Sealing a love doomed to live in a continuous twilight zone Except for those moments, The first, unrepeatable, unforgettable. The little cabin light turning on for a second, Insufficient time for my rushing heart to gather the all of you Inside my eyes, my senses, my life. I sat next to you, shivering. Did you see my shiver? Did you hear it? You turned your head to me, Removed your glasses... The blue, The kiss, the first, The lost senses trying to anchor into something tangible With the only reality within reach being those lips, My God, those soft, warm, fragile, mint tainted lips... The perfection of life, The beauty, the invincible only and single memory never to be erased. Not even by life.

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Red And Blue... Never met you. Never? Once, In the twirl of spinning chance, For few seconds... Saw a face, A regard of pain and grace, Never fore so close I’ve been To a queen... Never touched you. Never? No, Passions wild set eyes aglow, In the void of hand till hand Armies battle for the land, Never fore my life did seem Living dream... Will I ever?... Will you?... Will Racing time the passion kill? One sharp ray from sunlight’s bow Kill the dream with single blow, Far’s the queen, and closed her eye, Dead am I... * Lover dear, your forehead lay On my breast and hear my say... Never will your never live, Your harsh words I you forgive, This poor heart bleeds love for you, Red and blue...

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Barren Path... Alone I walk the barren path, The green and mighty fleet Been taken prey to autumn’s wrath It crumbles at my feet. I lie upon the rotting bed And slowly sink to ground My fingers trace the tear you shed Upon the mellow mound. I soak the warmth which moons ago Your body gently poured, Hiding the caress of its glow Inside the steaming sward. A shiver shreds my aching bone As fingers slowly curl Around a necklace lying lone Of glass and peeling pearl. Will gentle winter lay its coat Upon my tired chest Then lull me into tender rot And lay my ache to rest.

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Rocks... A rock, Dull, dirty, crumbling at the edges, Cracks boring daily deeper, wider, Green moss converging into every corner Witnessing the desolation of advancing age And desert And lonesomeness. The wind, was its howling a prophecy?... I felt a breeze, a whiff of unclear origin Pushing sidewise the howl Touching my surface As if trying to understand my origin, My depth, The weak beat hammering my insides And waiting for the final thrust When time’s fingers grope in mindless vileness And unforgivingly crush me into crumble Making me part of the desert, my beat part of the silence, Death. I let it penetrate, Unmindful of its probing feelers Tasting bits of my reality, a boil which gave up all hope of revival And slowly simmered down into apathy And carelessness Counting the minutes left while yearning for the seconds... I let it impregnate my mass Getting hold of cooling leftovers of smoldering coal And cajoling them into bright red, Into little flames Turning my insides a waking volcano A star collapsing into a sun’s rebirth Before a raging universe of nascent memories on the verge of Creation Embraced my being In the gripe of a terrible fist And squeezed death out of me Turning the rock into the pricelessness of a shapeless diamond. I woke up Vaguely remembering desire, Love, Sacrifices to the altar of wedding souls cursed by unimpregnable obstacles Yet determined to consume their union against all odds Imposed by faith, time, life. I reached out, surprised at the flexibility of my newly born diamond arms, Groping desperately for that fading breeze now beating its retreat Smashing shield after shield, mountain after mountain, My appendages indifferent to pain and hysterics and humanity Carving a path with a mindlessness of their own, Reaching, Grabbing, Holding, squeezing, smashing... turning the escaping molecules into dust, The dust into pebbles, into rock, into diamond... releasing the hold, Relief. Finally pain, emotion, hesitation... * Diamonds. Rough, uncut, unbridled, wild. Cutting into each other. “Why?” you asked. “Why do you cut into me?” “Because I want to find your heart”, I said. “You should have left me be flesh, you could have found it easily”, you said. “Then you would have died”, I said. “What is it to you if I live or die?” you asked. “You turned me into diamond, You are my master creator, I can not let my master creator die”, I said. “I would not have died if you would not have followed me Searching for my heart. Why are you looking for my heart?” you asked. I let go. I stopped cutting. I thought. I did not know the answer. “Why am I looking for your heart?” I asked. “Do you know?” You picked up the diamond dust falling off your heart And blew it smilingly over the sky. Stars, I’ve never seen stars before. “I’ve never seen stars before” I said. “Why did I not see stars before?” “Because you have never been in love before. Being in love is seeing stars, cutting through for the heart, hurting.” “Am I in love now? With you?” “Yes, you are.” You smiled. “Then why did you turn me diamond? Why did you not leave me rock?” “To test if you are true. If you can love.” “I did not know you before, I did not love you before. I was counting my minutes. Happily waiting.” “Waiting for death?” “You don’t think so?” I asked. “What else was I waiting for?” You picked a few stars, arranged them in the form of a ring Then laid it floating in front of me. Slowly gyrating, wobbling. “For me, maybe? Were you waiting for me? For my memories? For my diamond dust?” you said, answering my question with yours. I watched the sparkle in the ring, hesitating, unsure. “Maybe I was waiting for power?” I said. “I gave you power. Was it power you were looking for?” “Maybe immortality?” “Maybe, I gave you immortality, was it immortality you were looking for?” I looked fascinated as the ring shaped itself into kite And rummaged the sparkle settling in the clouds Reaping colors inside its white transparency Before twisting itself into an eight shaped ring again, so rich its colors... Was there some magic at work? “Was I looking for your heart?” I finally asked. You smiled, your polished surface shining there where I did not cut into you, Reflecting a light I was not sure where it originates from. “No. I was looking for your heart” you said. Silence. “Did I find it?” “I don’t know, how will you know?” Do diamonds laugh? Is there a description to the tinkle a laughing diamond does? You laughed. “I will. You were rock.” “I know, I was rock.” “I turned you diamond, I did.” “You did.” “If I found your heart you love me. If your love is true you give me your heart.” “You speak in riddles. How can I give you my heart?” “Allow it to turn flesh.” “And give up my diamond shine, my power, my immortality? I turned you diamond too, will you join me?” You stayed silent, dreamy, eyes closed, Your eyelashes crawling with diamond butterflies Filling up the air with shimmering dust. I waited for an answer, none coming. I waited, minutes, days... quiet... Diamond dust studded red drops started dripping from the gash in your chest, The smile never leaving your face for a moment, The silent hum leaving your lips never ending its chant. I waited days, weeks... quiet... The shining puddle at your feet ever growing, The smile never fading, The sharp lines of your cut slightly cracking... “Open your eyes...” I begged... “Open your eyes...” I whispered... “Open your eyes...” I cried And as my finger slowly slid inside the left side of the ring I took your finger and slid it into the right side of it. * I woke up again. Remembering it all. Not doubting it for imagination, for fantasy, Knowing it for reality. I keep waking up lately a lot from my poetry, Never certain if dream if life. “See, I found your heart” you smiled and kissed my diamond ring, Placing my hand to the left of your chest. “See, I found your heart” I smiled and kissed your diamond ring, Placing your hand to the left of my chest.

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December To December... You asked me to remember The twinkle past your fear, The smiling raw emotion Asleep inside your tear, The dream riding your nightmare Its tameless mustangs wild, The guileless flare of passion Which pierced your heart, oh child. I promised to remember The twinkle in your eye, The smiling raw emotion Asleep inside your sigh, Proud herds of tameless mustangs Astride your roving dream, Your heart reflecting softly Your tender passion’s gleam. “Will you...” you asked “...remember...” “Will I...” I said “...forget?” “...December to December And never to regret?” “I will...” I said “...remember...” “You will...” you said “...regret.” “...December to December And never to forget.”

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Feed Me... Feed me, Your hunger... Let it roll through my bones Like a river of stones Purging restless desires Inside loins merging fires And animal groans... Feed me, Your thirst... Let your motherly milk Pour a river of silk In a mouth pale and ashen Scorched by furious passion Of animal ilk... Feed me, Your serenity... Let your skin be the fleece Calming river’s caprice As I lie on its feather And my pain wanes to nether In animal peace...

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Meltdown... The fire crawls inside my soul A meltdown ripping pole to pole And sunny skies And sparkling eyes Wake up to mornings painted coal. My claw has pierced your fragile skin, A reddish streamlet trickles thin, My gentle love, My bleeding dove, Forgive my hunger stained by sin. I never wished upon you pain And thistles cutting through your plain, My gentle fawn Please wish me gone And let my rainbows paint your rain. When smiles anew adorn your breeze And nightingales invade your trees Just pick my art And pierce my heart And let me sink down nether seas.

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Penitence... Be my dagger, be my poison, Velvet fist in iron glove, Thunderbolt’s steel clawing fingers,           You, my love... Be my goddess, be my angel, Devil’s hell and nightmare’s life, Mountains’ fire raining ashes,           You, my wife... Be my torment, my undoing, Raging dog and fire squad, Finger punishing with fury,           You, my God...

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Decay... You gave me your heart, Raw flesh, red, beating madly in my fist, Asking for my shield, my protection, “Guard it, please,” you asked of me, “It’s the only one I have.” I promised to care for it, To feed it love, nurture it tenderness, Hide it in my chest Guard it with my soul. Days passed, then years, Love unending, love unending, love unending... One day I stumbled... And the heart rolled from my hold, Hit the pavement And splashed all over me its red of love Decaying so fast, decaying so fast, decaying so fast... I saw you cringe, I saw you crumble, And all I could do Was crumble at your side.

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Forgiveness, two... Forgiveness you ask. Forgiveness you ask? The crime in my self, The blood on my hands, The lashes ripping through your skin My hand holding the whip Your hand holding the flower... The whip biting the flower Tearing it off your hand And smashing it to earth in clouds of dust, choking, blinding. The dust settles, You bend, Pick up the shivered petals in your palm And shivering with tenderness offer them to me, smiling. Oh, hounds of hell Your terrible yell Not half as foul As my impotent howl... And my whip lashes again Your smile as loud as your pain Will we ever ever ever ever make love in the rain?...

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Nails... Never stop torturing me, Never keep your iron’s red from my brow, Never relinquish my decaying flesh from your claw, United again In pain, Oh, gods I don’t trust I don’t adore Keep me away from the stinking salvation shore Lend your nails studded chariot your horses so wild To the one woman child My child, so proud, so wild, So tender, so sweet, In wisdom and beauty replete, Let Prometheus be children’s fairy tale When side by side with my fate As she runs the wheels over my body again and again and again In pain United again Again and again and again, As she picks up my torn scattered flesh and lays it on my bone again Her wails tearing sky’s doors from hinges And devil on duty in fear cringes And I whisper my adoration Each time she touches my flesh, Each time she tears it away, Each time she touches it and listens to my loving screams. Never stop torturing me, Never stop touching me, Never stop loving me, Never stop running your chariot over my decomposing limbs So numb with adoration and love. One day, maybe, You will gather the leftovers, Plant flowers over them, And lull me to sleep with songs I once sang to you.

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Autumn Dying... Falling leaves. Autumn. I think of the autumn you turned into my summer, So unusual, miraculous. My green withering away, my trees barren, Singing birds losing their way back And finding other, fresher nesting treetops. I was drying, dying, my spine bending down, my gait slowing. Where did you come from wild sprite, where from? With a bagful of colors you started painting freshness into my breeze, Colors into my flowers, Life and song in my sagging heart... And birds in our common nest. You were not an angel, what were you? A fairy? A forgotten goddess waking to life, A child of beauty? Or simply the most wondrous of human creations, a woman, A woman in tender first love? I drank your milk, I licked your honey, I took the bow off my shoulder And I shot you. Oh, most miserable of human creations, man, Confused, lost, ungrateful, thoughtless, in fear... I kneeled by your side, My bow broken, my heart broken, Your eyes shining, pleading, asking questions I had no answers to. Oh, magic creature, none but I could harm you And I did so, fatally so. Your wing... where did you hide it?... you had wings... Your wing torn, your side ripped open, gushing life. I howled... Forgiveness... I howled, is there any? As you slowly crawled into my lap and I crawled underneath your body Gently lifting your torn wing by your ripped side And I started singing old forgotten incantations into your ear, Of old languages, of old gone lovers, of never gone love... Not lullabies but prayers, prayers to you, To my warmth’s brook, To my life’s source, Prayers of redemption, of healing, of life. Stay by me, Stay by me, Let me feed you my life, Let me paint you my love, Let me offer you my warmth, Never leave, no, never leave Lest my forest dries anew, Lest my soul wanes, Lest my autumn dies into final terrible winter...

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Random Seasons... do you remember july’s smiling moon, a sparkling december, a flower in june? do you remember an april fools day, a ring in november, that first kiss in may? october was crying with yellows and reds, and august sweet sighing september love weds... a january frozen tear the call of love denies and shyly hides in glassy dreams depths february’s eyes remembering the passion’s call under a rainbow’s arch forgetting time, forgetting pain, when was it?... was it march?... i was your adonis, my goddess you were, and summer now gone is in autumn’s cold glare. we met in a fire we parted in rage, a winter’s desire played spring on a stage. we knew it could never, we hoped that it may, we know that forever now short is one day... the memories are settling down in random album sheets, few times, untold, a crippling crave shreds glimpses down to bits, and when one day you’ll knock on door and ask... remember?... then i’ll take your hand and guide your mind to what, and where, and when...

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Mussings... You told me once that you become The words you say.           And lurking thoughts behind the screens           Like silent hunters’ telling fins           Are mild reminders of the beast           Who drags its hulk down mindless mist           Awaiting life’s one single tear           To break its chain, it’s cage to shear, And pounce its prey. You told me once that you become The songs you sing.           Forgotten notes keep bouncing on           Upon a life’s untended lawn           Reflecting wishes times unseen           From raging blue to blissful green           Till comes a moment loaded fear           And outside crawls the deadly spear And kills the spring. I wish you were the whispered word The guileless rhyme of flying bird, The never ending tender song That never knows the right from wrong, I wish you were... the gentle you, The one I knew, the one I knew...

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Never Lost... So much love, Clean, pure air Locked away in a floating citadel Isolated from reality by an impenetrable bubble Anchored to the world by a wish twined into a dream, Only two keys ever forged, created. We owned the keys. And the powers of flesh And the powers of money and insurance and sickness and human weakness Joined forces tearing at the chain Ripping away the anchor And letting the citadel fly away to unknown destinations, Lost, The keys orphans in our pockets. The love locked in, Safe, protected in its layers of memories, Lost, Never lost...

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Sparkling Lights... God of my ancestors, I don’t pray much to you, Actually I hardly pray at all Because, as you know, I don’t really believe in God. But this time please let me do it formally, And pray, You know, you can do it for me because we are friends nevertheless. Put the spark back in the blue Paint the laughter in the hue Let her memories retain Just the beauty of that pain When we knew we couldn’t be Yet, in tender whispers we Planted flowers, planted seeds, Passion’s rare exotic weeds, Dreams unwise and wishes some Though we knew that time will come When we’ll lock the secret gate Pawn its key with mistress fate, Grows the garden, cannot die, Blue its heart and blue its eye. Thick the roots and sunken deep, Smile my lover, don’t you weep, Let my kiss play on your lip As those memories you reap. And let her taste all world’s delights As she regards those blinking lights My little girl, My little pearl, For ever’s time She is my rhyme.

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th's... Thin this wail striding my heart Threading through my fledgling art Head my plea Do set me free from thee... Mountains hugged your rocky nest Lover’s hell your fire’s zest Dreams and wine And love divine were thine... Rivers ran through soggy verse Soaked in bliss and loaded curse Spell and vow Are dimming now and thou... Let the garden’s flowers sing In your heart be always spring Do not fear I’m always near thy tear...

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Friends Of The Heart... Memories, The beauty of yesterday Locked away under the powerful lock of time Unbreakable, Ineffaceable except by the frailty of our minds And the filters of our tinted wishes. And the pieces of paper Scribbled hastily on the back of parking tickets And empty sandwich bags, Carefully stowed away, Remove the frailty Untint the filters And let us again have that unobstructed view Of memories In all their virginal beauty. We knew we didn’t stand a chance, Brittle humans fighting the mighty currents of life Yet we plunged in Paddling madly with our body, feet, one hand As the other encircled savagely the other’s chest refusing to let go... We lost the war, The monster called life dragging in all its reserves And waging a combat intent on annihilation Irrelevant of costs, loss, destruction. And it won. But we won one battle, one singles short and glorious battle, Oh, the sweetness of victory, The enchanting few years of life and love and glow Written in stone, written on paper, Locked in time and in the pride of our hearts, In memories, Never to die, always to cherish. Life is licking its wounds, Bleary and indifferent in its stride Looking down on us in its pitiless manner And moving on to bother other humans. We stay behind, the battle field deserted, We know we lost Yet we smile with puny human superiority Looking at the mountains we seeded in our battle’s wake And know that this is one battle we won losing it. Stupid, pitiful, ignorant life. Our ways may have been separated, Our hearts may have been left bleeding, Yet with stubborn insistence we climb to our feet again The spark regaining the eye Finding new beauty, new loves, new reasons to smile, The steel of memories guiding our ways And knowing that whatever the power of those implacable currents may be We are never farther than One handhold, One heartbeat, One memory away. Friends of the heart, The sweetness of love finding final refuge In the warmth of never ending friendship.

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Gone is... Gone is blue, Hell’s gardens dew, Gone to worlds of heartbreak hue, Depth her eyes dead embers glow Long her path grey ashes sow, Dies her garden... flow tears, flow... Gone is green, Hell’s fires queen, Gone to worlds of pain unseen, Depth her chest ice gardens grow Painting breasts the cold of snow, Dies her music... flow tears, flow... Gone is life, the blue of streams, Gone is life, the green of dreams, Depth my thoughts death’s blizzards blow Crawling nightrise ends the show, Dies my sunshine... flow tears, flow...

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