Hobbies - Poetry - Anonymous
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Loves Me, Loves Me Not...

    Does she love me,
    Loves me not,
    Does she love me,
    Loves me not...
    Rolled the petals one by one,
    Laid them down to form a sun,
    Counted once,
    Then counted twice,
    Lost the count,
    Then counted thrice...
    Hey there, beetle, red of dot,
    Stop your chasing round my lot,
    Climb my finger,
    Hop, you go,
    Find some job
    Before the snow,
    Buzz away or chew some grain...
    Oops, I lost my count again.
    Little matters,
    If I may,
    I will start
    The other way...

    Loves me not,
    Or does she love,
    Loves me not,
    Or does she love...
    Stuck the petals back in place,
    Red with yellow interlace,
    Mixing colors,
    Scrambling shapes,
    Scratch my head
    And eat some grapes...
    What’s a’ matter puppy dog,
    Stop a’ grunting like a hog,
    Bite my ankle,
    Pull my cuff,
    Acting as
    You’re mighty tough,
    Go and chase some worms in grass...
    Oh, mon dieu, what number was?
    Well, so what,
    Is worth the pain,
    I just like
    To count again...

    Does she love me,
    Love she does,
    Does she love me,
    Love she does...
    In the middle of the dell,
    Drowned in acrid autumns smell,
    Mid of petals
    Musty dry,
    Leaves immersed
    In rusty dye,
    Left of me the virgin mound,
    Right of me the one-two count,
    And from sun come
    To sun go,
    Booming heart,
    And eyes aglow,
    Moving petals left to right,
    Leaves, then blades, an eerie sight,
    Bird and insect
    Join the buzz,
    Does she love me,
    Love she does...

    Late and dark, is it a dream?
    Kiddie tunes pour like a stream,
    In my pocket sleeps the beetle,
    Puppy marks my face with spittle,
    And I count, and count, and count,
    And the numbers mount and mount...
    Twenty thousand forty two,
    You love me and I love you...
    Fifty thousand eighty three,
    I love you and you love me...
    Thirty billion and one
    ...And the count has just begun...




    so special,
    a girl yet a full grown woman,
    a pebble yet a sparkling diamond,
    a snow flake yet a steel bar,
    a word yet a book of wisdom.

    pure chance,
    we could have passed each other in the street,
    this single unique moment in time when it could have happened,
    our lives and ways ruled by the rolling die of the gods,
    and i would have gone east,
    she would have crossed the street,
    without capturing the eye,
    without touching a sleeve,
    and the die rolls again,
    and the moment is gone,
    never to return,
    never to meet again,
    never knowing we never met,
    never longing for it,
    never being sorry for it,
    never happened.

    but the die got stuck.
    it hit a corner and couldn’t decide which way to fall.
    so it preferred not to decide.
    got stuck in between never
    and always.
    and the gods decided to let the game play itself out.
    for once they will not interfere,
    they will not kick it free and force it to decide,
    they will let the uncontrollable variables get into the human formula,
    the passion,
    the guilt,
    the pain,
    the passing time, the changing world, the others...
    and see what happens.
    not controlling, not leading, not deciding.
    but following.
    and the mortals, for once, should play it out.

    we met.
    we clashed, we crashed, we fused,
    we rived each other’s chest
    and ripped each other’s heart
    and riveted each in his own chest
    the other’s thunder,
    the other’s blood,
    the other’s life.
    and the gods were confused, complaining this is not a fair game anymore,
    that we broke the rules,
    that we should not have met, that it should not have happened.

    too late.
    even for the gods it was too late,
    what gods do gods cannot undo,
    what gods allow others to do gods cannot undo.
    they can just release the die, and let it roll again,
    and see and accept what the next roll will bring.
    games of the gods,
    rules of the gods,
    pains of the flesh.

    and the thunder is rolling,
    and the blood is raving,
    and the life is roaring...



Tunes Two...

    lay your head upon my chest,
    all your worries lay to rest,
    with your hand between my thighs,
    let the sandman close your eyes,
    draw your lips in pouting smile,
    slow your heartbeat gently, while
    in your ears i’ll whisper sounds,
    fairy tales of love abounds,
    maidens fair of love will sing...
    while my fingers trace your ring.

            * * *

    is it curse or is it bliss,
    knuckle duster, velvet glove,
    raving mad or gently snug,
    placid lakes or raging seas...?

    will u go or will u stay,
    bliss, glove, snug, and raging seas...

            * * *

    puppy eyes, if tail you had,
    it would beat so mighty glad,
    that three farms within three miles
    would make butter with your smiles.

    pretty eyes, if bark you would,
    your concert would be so good,
    that three farms would sell their ploughs
    buying ear plugs to their cows.

    but your eyes are skylight blue,
    and your voice sweet lovers coo,
    and three thousand miles away,
    someone dreams of you all day...

            * * *

    somewhere between
    of june to may,
    it was a dark and dreary day,
    her lips were cracked,
    her nose was red,
    she didn’t want to go to bed,
    her eyes were swollen,
    cough and sneeze,
    her voice a creaking painful wheeze,
    a raspy breath,
    an aching chest,
    refusing flat to take a rest...
    i looked at her,
    and then... she smiled,
    and smile on smile on smile she piled,
    and then the skies
    the gates threw wide,
    the sun exploding glowing pride,
    and little birds,
    on sills parade,
    the light invading every shade,
    and wilted flowers,
    growing buds,
    and flying bats just going nuts,
    kids at the hop
    yelling with joy,
    a teddy bear sleeps with a boy,
    i looked at her,
    she smiled at me,
    i’ll never elsewhere wish to be,
    i looked at her,
    my childish dame,
    the only fairy worth the name...



Angel Wings...

    Beaten, blood down trembling chin,
    Blinding love your only sin,
    Bound and gagged like human filth,
    Being raped your only guilt,
    Frightened, scared in mindless awe,
    Being young your only flaw,
    Hunted down, your puppies save,
    Way from harm your only crave,
    Cheated, into fearful price,
    Trusting love, your only vice.

    Days run long time’s endless rope,
    Dim the eyes, and dims the hope,
    Yet... unknown, untold, unseen,
    There where none has ever been,
    Toils an army morn to noon,
    Day to year and sun to moon,
    Piece to piece to bind and reeve,
    Bit to bit to sew and weave,
    Cheroubs rush at stumbling gait,
    Fairies fly like heaven’s fate,
    Fireflies spill streams of sparks,
    Swallows chase gay hordes of larks...
    And one day, time world awakes,
    Time the sun its slumber shakes,
    Time the rooster proudly sings...
    On your back – white angel wings.



The Masters Of Chance...

    Do you remember, Elvis was rocking,
    Neil on the moon in soft dust started walking,
    John with the Russians was going to war,
    Paul John George and Ringo scooped charts with a roar,
    A waspy lithe body with skirts flying high,
    With chest crushing chest, with thigh crushing thigh,
    Wild fluttering hair and rolling of hips,
    And hand crushing hand, and lips crushing lips...

    Do you remember, “One Night” in the van,
    “Ich bin ein Berliner”, “A small step for man”,
    Do you remember I do and I do,
    With the Platters sweet playing a soft “Only you”...

    Do you remember, you screamed at the sky,
    A baby tore out in the world with a cry,
    A bundle of flesh hungry clutching your breast,
    Your body in tatters, your spirit at rest...

    Do you remember, the masters of chance,
    Forever at war with the masters of dance,
    Decided to play all their cards like a clown,
    And Elvis is dead, and John was cut down,
    And time traded space in a battle of wills,
    And memories fade, and nothingness spills,
    And there never was I, and there never was you,
    And there never was us, and there never I do...



Fifty Two Lines...

    You see my title and you smile.
    I am there for you, and you know it,
    The secret cobweb-thin invisible ink thread flowing from my master’s mind,
    Through my lines,
    My rhyme at times,
    Straight into the deep, forgotten recesses of that desperately thirsty spirit of yours
    Drinking and soaking and asking always one more cup of this sweet poison,
    Gallons of it,
    Oceans of it...
    Starting as always... or should I say almost always
    As the spell,
    At times,
    Flitters shrouded in intangible mysterious words with no apparent meaning...
    Yet, always always saying the very very same,

    My dear woman...

    You read the lines. I see flickering motions chasing my words,
    My lines,
    Counting them as you go on,
    Afraid they may end and knowing they will,
    Your blue pools hardly holding back the inevitable overflow,
    A worried finger smearing the first glitters all over your cheek,
    Your tongue gently wetting the gates to your eden,
    Looking for the message that you know should be there,
    Is there,
    Yet hides so deceivingly inside my unsaid words,
    Inside my master’s fantasy,
    This cave hiding the only treasure you ever looked for all your life
    And to which he entrusted the only existing key into your hands.

    You know you have to close your eyes,
    Keep on reading my lines without seeing them,
    Keep on feeling my words without touching them,
    Keep on listening to my tunes without hearing them,
    And only when you can do that, you know,
    The key fits the lock, the lock opens the gate, the gate closes behind you,
    Here you are, where you always wanted to be, forever.

    You close your eyes. You don’t touch. You don’t hear.
    And... yes,
    You can see. You can feel. You can listen.
    The gate starts to open. You step in.

    Wildest of the gentle nymphs riding tameless beasts to sleep,
    Fearless soft of hand and breast dragging light through fathoms deep,
    Fierce in love so tender rough cooling hell through whispers stream,
    Fury coiled in silken knots tying pain to passion dream,
    You’ve no right of world to be leaving barren legends land,
    Way return to fantasy, rhyming dance, and poet’s hand,
    Hang your smile across the sky leading lovers eden way,
    Set the breeze through fields of wheat sprinkled red with dreams of May,
    Gently blow your sighing breath through each morning’s early dew,
    Guide the sun, allow its warmth, light and hope, to seep through you...
    ...Look around, and see me there, stretch your hand... and pull me through...



Fifty Two Words...

    Daylight gone, your cheek is warm,
    On your pillow
    Dies the storm,
    Propped against the wall I rest,
    Rubbing lipstick
    Off my chest,
    Tracing eyelids covered seas,
    Times they bellow,
    Times at peace,
    Trying in your dreams to sneak
    For one single
    Anguished peek,
    Is it me, your wounded lips
    Gently seek?



Fifty Two Letters...

    blushing east,
    melting mist,
    glinting dew,
    godly view...
                    ...rising you.




    I saw a little girl,
    Legs dangling over the water,
    Sitting on the pier, eyes closed,
    Letting the soft autumn sun warm her small face,
    Her skirt pulled up to mid thigh,
    Leaning back on stretched hands,
    Her long hair flowing down to the humid planks,
    Her shirt’s top button open letting in a glimpse of the beginning of a soft, round, small breast.
    I looked in closer,
    Joining the hundreds of shrieking diving gulls,
    All intent on trying to penetrate with their sharp eyes the thin shirt fabric,
    The transparent eyelids,
    The mist surrounding her thoughts...

    She didn’t see me,
    She could not, I was not there,
    I floated around her,
    Inhaled inside her lungs in long, slow, gentle motions,
    Exhaled through her small trembling nostrils in a flow of perfumed mist,
    Moving along the sharp thigh line,
    Imagining what lies at the end of the perilous journey,
    Diffusing myself through the shirt’s stretched thread mesh,
    Through the lace intricacies,
    Reaching the soft skin, listening to the low sound of left side thunder,
    Crawling unfelt round the smooth, proud, dormant femininity,
    Uplifted further on by the sea sharp salty smell to her listening ears,
    Trying to hum unheard of notes straight into her mind’s sense,
    Trying to draw pictures on the inside of her eyelids,
    Pictures of pink, and of blue, and of red, and of stars, and of upside down rainbows...
    And of dreams...

    She didn’t see me,
    I rushed my waves at the wooden pillars,
    Hitting them hard with a screeching rumble,
    Trying to break, to smash them,
    To drag them out and away and catch in my blue arms the falling child,
    The little dreaming woman,
    Washing away her sorrows,
    Melting away her salty tears in my immense salty liquid desert,
    Tasting them,
    Their pure transparent clarity,
    Their perfect shape,
    Their sizzling burning trace,
    Letting my undisturbed shapeless form penetrate with unasked for familiarity her most secret corners,
    Her most secret secrets,
    Her most intimate thoughts,
    Shaping the blue bed of our undeclared union,
    Our unknown past, unknown future, unknown tomorrow...

    She didn’t see me,
    While I was trying to warm her face,
    While trying to let the fire spread in her motionless hair,
    Sending whistling bullets into the raging wave crests ricocheting into the shadows underneath her palms,
    Wishing to let her hear me cry her unknown name,
    Through my mouth of fire, of rays, of light,
    Through my non existing voice,
    Bathing her in my dawn, in my dusk, in my candle glow,
    Reaching for her...
    She didn’t see me,
    Hundreds of years,
    Time, timeless,
    All the nevers and none of the evers...

    Keeper of the time,
    Master of the rhyme,
    Kill my ever’s breath,
    Void my never’s death,
    Mould me in the bone,
    Grant me grief and groan,
    Just one moment long
    Off my wishes throng
    Let me touch the skin,
    Let me taste the sin,
    Let me look the eye,
    Let me ask the why,
    Let me smell the breath,
    Let me kiss... and death
    May my heart invest,
    At my lover’s breast...



Words Unborn...

    I asked you – do you love me?
    You said – of course I don’t,
    I asked you – will you kiss me?
    You said – of course I won’t,
    I asked you – will you carry
    My ring till end of day?...
    You said – please touch my heartbeat
    And listen to my say...

    When love you ask – is what you mean
    Will I trade sanctity with sin,
    Will I accept my angel white
    To stain with one and single night,
    Will I embrace hell’s thousand mile
    For just a fleeting shade of smile?...

    When kiss you ask – is what you say
    Is burning coal paving my way,
    Is boiling blood attempt to part
    In tortured lands my caved in heart,
    Is leaping light from soul to lip
    My mangled soul venture to strip?...

    When ring you ask – is what you try
    To lock me in your patch of sky,
    To tie my finger to your chain,
    And pray me never free again,
    To weld my heart, to blind my eye,
    For ever after, you and I?...

    Oh naïve man, this all you can
    My feel for you in word of man
    To rhyme? Your ear then, close by me
    Approach, and leave through my eye see
    The unborn words make shape and form,
    The quiet depth through heart of storm,
    The feel of soul, the touch of mind,
    The sound of deaf, the sight of blind,
    The never fore, the ever aft,
    The steely soft of tender craft,
    The words that never will abound
    A love as mine to dress in sound,
    The sense that ever will decline
    To guess and taste the kiss of mine,
    The never was, the endless end,
    Your ring and I, through God’s smile blend...



Winter Legend...

    When the sun winds are ruffling the naked tree branches,
    Chasing the last falling leaves on their spiraling dance down to a yellow rustling tomb,
    Stinging with cold yellow arrows the dead eyes of the sleeping ground hog burrows,
    When the grey sky hounds chase each other,
    Howling their anger in thunderous snapping barks and blinding flashes off electrified fangs,
    Shaking earth’s rugged skin into a convulsion of raging air migration,
    When the dead quiet of the birds deserted forest oasis
    Deafens the inner ears of poets in desperate search of inspiration flakes
    While rummaging through untold stories of life’s cruel torments...
    I am curling on the wet smoldering foliage,
    Yellow, striped green, dyed peeling brown,
    Hugging sweet bitter smells of decaying life to my chest,
    Thousands of small waterfalls pouring spiky ice fingers from the sky,
    Absorbed in my engulfing dementia, locked in the absolute quiet of my heart,
    Killing dead words into living incandescent sentences...

    Ululating fear and pain,
    Over frozen endless plain,
    Yellow eyes in darkness glint,
    Ebony spits sparks of flint,
    Valiance through night aflow
    Out of hidden depths aglow,
    Living sounds with darkness merge
    In the wake of magic surge,
    Pulling me with force unseen,
    To the land of never been...

    Winter flowers,
    So many of them on the frozen window pane,
    Hundreds, thousands,
    Long and sharp, short and round, thin and brittle,
    My eyes scanning the lines, the curves, the valleys, tasting the imaginary cold springs,
    Scanning, searching, looking for...
    There you are, the one and only winter flower,
    The one and only flower,
    Sparkling, dressed in the multi colored reflected sparks of the wavery candle light,
    Your corners so fine, so thin, so intricate,
    A master spider’s sculpted web thread in the kingdom of ice,
    Your perfection witness to witchcraft’s unguessed untold secrets of creation,
    Your heart gentle, timid,
    Your eyes covered by translucent eyelashes uncovering lakes of blue frozen into virginal white,
    Your fingers thin needles scratching at the thin frozen layer jailing them into immobility,
    Your skin white, white, white...

    You look up, eyes sleepy, dreamy, a baby awakening to life, to world, to undiscovered warmth,
    You smile at me,
    Your heart throbbing,
    Passionate, pumping molten ice through the iceberg seas of your awakening senses,
    Cold, frozen, flowing white blood through white walled channels in a white colored landscape,
    Stars hanging at the ends of your fingertips,
    Soundless words escaping your pale white lips, trying to reach my ears,
    Your pain, your joy,
    Your call for desire trying to escape the unforgiving frigid clutches of reality,
    I don’t hear you, I want to hear you, I scream for want of hearing you,
    I approach you, I listen, I think to start hearing the notes, the rhymes, the tinkle...

    And I hear the tinkle...
    And I see the twinkle,
    And I watch you cringe,
    And the thaw of fringe,
    And the mute despair,
    And the dimming stare,
    And the blue of eyes
    For a second cries,
    And my warmth of breath
    Is your bed of death...

    Oh, no, I hold my breath, I pull back... too late,
    The beautiful winter flower turns into a silvery drop,
    Pulling in its wings, and its transparent mane, and its reaching arms,
    Sliding slowly along the pane, leaving a diamond sparkle thread behind it,
    I reach out desperately, my finger blocking its path,
    Collecting it,
    Shivering with fear placing it at the corner of my eye,
    My tear drop,
    Frozen there, forever,
    Her heart throbbing no more,
    Her mouth smiling no more,
    Her voice, singing no more.

    When the sun winds are ruffling the budding tree branches,
    When the grey sky hounds change into white puffs,
    When the forest starts singing with the awakening chorus of thundering violins,
    I lie curled under the drying rotten foliage,
    Hugging dead dreams to my chest,
    My heart dead,
    My mind dead,
    And only at the corner of my unseeing eye, the glitter of one single forgotten frozen teardrop.



Today, Today I Saw You For The First Time...

    She could fly,
    My God, could she fly...
    Spreading wide those alabaster tipped snow white wings,
    A few powerful flaps,
    And she was soaring into the clouds,
    Into the stars, into the sun,
    Chasing comets across the galaxy,
    Sneaking into their tails and carpeting the night skies with a shower of raining fire,
    Chasing angels in and out their kingdom,
    Playing hide and seek around the forests of heaven and the fires of hell,
    Showering the world with fiery sparks in kids’ sparkling eyes...

    She could smile,
    My God, could she smile...
    Opening wide those teardrop tipped topaz blue eyes,
    A few childish grimaces,
    And the smile was thunder rolling through the oceans,
    Through the forests, through the beasts,
    Seeding words in rhyming flower beds,
    Sniffing fragrances and breathing storms of inebriating verses,
    Seeding glory in awakening mornings,
    Flashing a symphony of white teeth through open gates of devastating crimson,
    Painting laughter in the world’s day, in the world’s life, in the world’s pain...

    She could love,
    My God... my God... could she love...
    Ripping wide open this fire tipped deep red heart of hers,
    A few flaps, a few smiles,
    And the flames started pouring,
    Gushing, cascading,
    Sweeping in a blazing torrent the pain into hope,
    The death into rebirth,
    Sweeping dams into nothingness and fortresses into dust,
    Breaking arrows in flight and feeding lovers God’s secret passion potion,
    Changing newborn’s first scream into a smile while world’s gates slowly open to life...

    My God, she could fly,
    My God, she could smile,
    My God, oh my God, she could love...




    I am the master.
    I am the creator.
    I am the artist.

    With a trace of my pen,
    With one sentence, with a single word, with a thought –
    I build and destroy,
    Create and annihilate,
    Raise worlds from burning ashes,
    Smash stars to howling dust,
    Raise the dead and kill the living,
    Pour pain into heroes and let evil win,
    Or let evil die,
    Kiss life into fairies,
    Let fairies smile, let fairies fade,
    Let fairies lose their untouchable spell
    And enhance human magic...

    At my scribbled bugle call
    Ruthless armies raise and fall,
    Kings to hell at whim I send
    With my pencil’s sharpened end,
    Flowers bloom and seasons die,
    Dragons thunder, horses fly,
    Love I rhyme in lovers’ heart,
    Lovers bleed... and lovers part...

    Did I create you?
    Am I the master, the creator, the artist?
    I look at my pen’s end – it is blunt,
    Did I create you and then broke my tool of trade to not be able to change you?
    Or was it blunt already and you were real and the rest is my mind’s abuse of my spirit?

    Flowing ink invades the lines,
    Killing shards of hesitation stretched across my crumbling mines,
    Groping fingers strain for truth,
    As the words join into patterns necklaced round of riddle’s root,
    Senses fight a soundless war,
    Tendons stretch in steely struggle growling loud in muted roar,
    Patterns shape in crystal reason,
    Holding back while sudden quiet conquers spirit’s every season
    As an answer shyly reels...
    Yawing slightly, softly landing round my mind’s demolished hills...

    You existed. You were written.
    My pen touched you,
    And the ink started flowing into the pen, foaming, rumbling,
    Creating my arm,
    Creating my heart, drawing my veins, my body,
    Dyeing my soul with flashes of your thoughts,
    Mixing my dreams with flavors of your passions,
    Creating my self,
    Creating me.

    You are the creator.
    And you said – Be!

    And I am.




    Little, tiny, frail of frame,
    Panting in the dying shadows,
    Fire torrents leave the sun
    Drenching desert’s wizened meadows.

    Rolling droplets down her cheeks,
    Tear through sweat her anger fuels,
    Glints of dreams her only wish,
    Fading scars her only jewels.

    Eyes she opens, back she looks,
    Boulder piles her body hosted,
    Weeds have marked the resting spots
    That to touch her body boasted.

    Long the trail her bleeding feet
    Marked across the endless journey,
    And the fury’s boiling up...
    Say my Lord, is this a tourney?

    Diamond hard the piercing stare,
    Arrows shoots the skies enflaming,
    Blending plea with grisly hurt,
    And its right to justice claiming.

    Say my Lord, nine mountains nine
    Up my path I climbed and scrambled,
    Broken fingers, broken bones,
    Broken soul, and on I shambled,

    Hounds of fear I lost way back,
    Moving on, not once to stumble,
    Sharing trail with devil’s own,
    Never once you heard me grumble,

    Foe and friend to run and hide,
    Losing trace of life’s tomorrow,
    Climbing boulder after rock
    Way and on to hide my sorrow,

    One a mountain, mountains five,
    Thorns and bramble bone deep grating,
    Burns the sun my tattered skin,
    Vultures roll in silent waiting,

    Lord, I’m tired, feel my chest,
    Now another mountain looming
    Can I stand another test,
    Can’t you hear my prayer booming?...

    Years and yesterdays so many,
    Hiding, crawling, hugging pain,
    Times and thousands nights if any,
    Asking none a favor's grain,
    King of kings, I beg of thee...
    All my aching fills three oceans,
    Tumbling skies tore through my wing,
    Hell’s damn hooks ride my emotions,
    Yield my yearning, pray thee king...

        * * *

    Little, tiny, steel of mind,
    Up you stand, a godly flower,
    Courage rushes through your veins,
    You will win. You are the power.



Tunes Three...

    you tat
    brat sweet brat,
    you do,
    blue eye blue,
    you cry,
    sigh tear sigh,
    you smile,
    wile me wile?...

    you can,
    fan all fan,
    you reach,
    witch you witch,
    your wit,
    sweet rough sweet,
    you stare,
    there here there...

        * * *

    more like yes
    and less like no,
    more like stay
    and less like go,
    more like kiss
    and less like pain,
    more like miss
    you so again...

    less like time
    and more like wish,
    less like crawl
    and more like swish,
    less like drop
    and more like stream,
    less like crying
    in my dream...

        * * *

    I saw this guy, his gaze transfixed,
    I swear he looked kind bit of mixed,
    And on his face a mighty smile,
    I guess as wide as half the Nile,
    A thousand miles away from you...
    Hey, you did promise to be true...

    I saw this crowd, a hundred thick,
    As mindless as a mound of brick,
    A frozen grin, I wonder why,
    With you way home, they in Hawaii...
    Hey, lady, how... hey shame on you,
    You did me promise to be true...

    I passed, just now, a teeming town,
    Past Timbuktu and way on down,
    I stopped my count at thousands ten
    Of smiley griny dreamy men,
    I wonder how the hell you do,
    And you did promise to be true...

    One million... oh, screaming hell,
    This killing look I know too well...
    This flying pan that hit my head...
    What? “...count your brain cells ‘s what you said?...”

    Ok... one, two... three? Did anybody say three?...

        * * *

    Do you rock
    The Haley ‘Clock’,
    Devil’s brew
    For me and you,
    Roll and shout
    And twirl about,
    Skirt ahoy,
    Burning joy,
    Flying high...
            Lay on my
            Heaving chest
            Your head to rest,
            And let’s wonder if it was
            Really you, and I, and us?...

    Have you missed
    The Checker ‘Twist’,
    Roll your bum
    More than some,
    Toss your hair,
    Scream like scare,
    Tearing holes
    In your soles,
    Rolling hips...
            Touch your lips
            To my mouth,
            Sweetly pout,
            And let’s dream as if it were
            Really you and I way there?...

    Elvis’ ‘Sister’
    Till you blister
    Dance with me,
    Gay and free,
    Ankles thin
    Kick and spin,
    Garters show
    As you bow
    And you stride...
            To my side,
            Take my hand,
            And imagine what would be
            You, and I, and us, and we?...

    Do you do
    The Platters’ ‘You’,
    Moving so
    Softly slow,
    Breathless sighs,
    Gleaming eyes,
    Crunching fist
    Into grist,
    Shivers run...
            Bodies one,
            Bodies churn
            Bodies burn,
            And we know just what we missed
            You, and I, who never kissed?...

        * * *

    Midnight passed, invading gloom
    crawls across the quiet room,
    long the carpet’s trodden path,
    round the twitching snoring cat,
    darkness lingers drawers deep,
    rolls the gloom a lazy sweep,
    in his kingdom half world wide
    master, king, and no divide...

    Round a corner... thousand hells,
    what’s this sound of crystal bells,
    who has dared my stiff command
    break this far inside the land,
    what’s this flash of colored beams,
    what’s the meaning of the screams,
    how did humans dare the night
    stain with sparks of colored light?...

    On the floor, her eyes ablaze,
    mid a twinkling sparkling maze,
    sits a girl and claps her hands
    chasing gleams through narrow bands,
    running colors on the walls,
    rolling tiny fire balls,
    and her laughter blinding gem...
    happy, happy, happy am!...

        * * *

    Our love is feeble,
    Compared to the shine of polished diamond it is only the dull reflection of an uncut dirty twenty carat rock waiting for a master’s hand to reveal its sparking entrails,
    Compared to the warmth of a burning furnace it is only the pallid glow of a ray of sun in a dark day waiting for the master’s hand to blow the clouds away,
    Compared to the strength of a sun burned rock it is only a truckload of raw earth waiting for a master’s hand to fuse it into a tingling sensation of strength,
    Our love is feeble,
    Like a twenty carat diamonds mountain,
    Like a twenty suns skyful,
    Like a twenty inch thick steel wire knot,
    Our love is feeble, easily bought, easily extinguished, easily broken.
    Our love is feeble, and we are the masters.

        * * *

    little baby, don't you cry,
    no one there can tell us why,
    put your head across my chest,
    all your worries lay at rest,
    let me kiss away your tear,
    let me feel you soft and near,
    let me touch your cheek and curls,
    let me see your smiling pearls,
    and your breathing, and your sighs,
    and lets strike away the why's,
    in your ear a lullaby
    I will whisper, you and I...

        * * *

    If I but could
    A sound compose
    To this my rhyme so weirdly odd,
    A tear would share
    The human way
    And the devil, and the God...



The Oath...

    I mentioned "forever?..."
    You said "... and a day...",
    I asked "will you ever?..."
    You answered "...no way...",
    I whispered "if never..."
    You smiled "...stop your say,
    Forever, or ever, or never, or else,
    The magic of letters embroidered with spells..."

    I ventured "for all day?..."
    You sighed "...hushaby...",
    I tried "and if your way?..."
    You hushed me "...don't cry...",
    I muttered "with me stay..."
    You murmured "... good bye,
    Good bye to forever and never, and else,
    To dreams, and to magic, and wonders, and spells..."

    I listened to words bleeding paintings sublime,
    The question unspoken and hidden in rhyme,
    Imploring the knowledge of not having asked,
    The hurt of surrender so skillfully masked,
    The pride, and the pain, and the sacrifice hell...
    The smile of the sea on a summer day's spell...

    I listened to words, and I suddenly smiled,
    I reached in my chest, to the wondering child
    My heart in a fist with no shadow of wroth
    I offered and whispered my life's binding oath...
    "Forever, and ever, and ever, and else,
    To dreams, and to magic, and wonders, and spells..."




    Watching you sleep,
    in the deep ripe rich yellow wheat field of your hair,
    in the deep quiet hidden blue mountain lakes of your eyes,
    in the deep relaxed smiling white pearls necklace of your teeth...

    Watching you wake up,
    in the incessant butterfly soft flutter of your raising eyelids,
    in the incessant puppy lazy yawn of your grimacing face,
    in the incessant feline smooth arch of your stretching body...

    Watching you dress,
    hesitating endlessly between the silken underwear colors,
    hesitating contemplatively among the fingernail polish bottles,
    hesitating passionately amidst the inebriating pervading fragrances...

    Watching you make love. To me.
    scratching skin slices off my muscles like a demented tigress in heat,
    licking my bleeding wounds like a growling protecting mother bitch,
    undulating round my body like a shapeless slithering smothering snake...

    Watching you sleep. After.
    the shallow glens under your eyes drying saline streaks of tear leftovers,
    the pale field of your skin shaking off deeply entrenched drops of sweat showers,
    the hidden corner of your mouth refusing to part with a single last shapeless blood drop...

        * * *

    I open my eyes.
    Waiting for them to close again.
    And then to watch you. Again.



The Flower...

    Flower names I couldn't know,
    Roving world's exclusive gardens from horizon east to west,
    Scavenging majestic jungles reaching up to eagle nest,
    Horses hundreds, wheels a thousand, in a never ending quest,
    Flower names I couldn't know,
    But for one I never saw...

    Flower names I couldn't find,
    Timeless books of brittle pages falling prey to searching craves,
    Hind of screeching rusty iron guarding ancient churchyard graves,
    Libraries so long forgotten rotting down of cobwebbed caves,
    Flower names I couldn't find,
    But for one deep in my mind...

    Flower names I couldn't seam,
    Shades of colors splitting sunshine down to endless flowing song,
    Waves of petals running rivers into ribbons boundless long,
    Blinding gems adorning meadows matching stardust armies strong.
    Flower names I couldn't seam,
    But for one, my haunting dream...

    Flower names I couldn't teach,
    Way beyond of seven oceans deep in heart of virgin land,
    Through of mighty desert kingdom ruled by cruel howling sand,
    Wrinkled giants sad of eyebrow watching roads of doubtful end,
    Flower names I couldn't teach,
    But for one without my reach...

    Single flower odd of name,
    Weaving dreams in horses mane,
    Rushing whispers stray through mind,
    Painting colors blessing blind,
    Out of mortal's deadly reach,
    Far on lone and magic beach,
    Petals none but sunny days
    Dressing stem with living rays,
    Colors none but dreams of life
    Drenching body, passions rife,
    Fragrance none but smile rich whiffs
    Gushing shy, forbidden if's...

    Through my window, out I gaze,
    Hanging on a golden cobweb plaited round thin crystal band,
    Tiny specks of moonlight silver sprayed by master forger's hand,
    Shines a key like none so ever tinkling bells to music blend,
    Through my window, out I gaze,
    Do I dare go in the maze?...

    Through my window, out I stare,
    Whirling clouds give way in anger to a magic godly view,
    Past the giants, past the desert, past the ocean, fresh as dew,
    On my porch a vision flutters, are the fairies pale of hue?...
    Through my window, out I stare,
    Do I dare a dream to share?...

    Through my window, out I look,
    Promises of honey droplets hang like beads through steaming air,
    Promises of fire scorching rush like lightning's blinding glare,
    Promises of eden's gardens burst in sudden dazzling flare,
    Through my window, out I look,
    Do I dare and taste the brook?...

    Through my window, out I see,
    Gentle flower lay a waiting, hope and fear her eyes enmesh,
    Head a bent, soft stars of crimson strangely paling cheeks refresh,
    The eternity a willing to exchange for touch of flesh,
    Through my window, out I see,
    Do I dare and touch the key?...



Visions Two...

    I saw her riding down the plain
    A mighty mustang proud of mane,
    Bare of saddle, bare of hoof,
    All from life or death aloof,
    Down the wind black swallows racing,
    Up the hills late sunsets chasing,
    Down her shoulders flowing gown,
    Up her brow wild flowers crown...

    I saw her driving like a spell
    A roaring mustang color hell,
    Bare of top and bare of fright,
    Hundred fifty horses might,
    Screaming tires asphalt racing,
    Fearless freedom's laughter chasing,
    Streaming hair in blurring wave,
    Blinding smiles in living crave...

    I saw her touch her golden ring,
    All cuddled in a rocking swing,
    One hand around the squeaking chains,
    One hand but smearing teardrop stains,
    A snow white bunny jumping by,
    A chilly wind, a stifled cry,
    And dreaming, softly whispered pray,
    Somewhere, sometime, somewhen, some day...



Counting Your Fingers...

    Counting your fingers,
    One, two... counted five,
    Then counted again, just to make sure,
    Looked down their thin length,
    Smooth, soft fingertips,
    Varnished fingernails,
    One broken.
    You laughed, you said it was while varnishing wood,
    A varnished casualty of varnishing...
    I tasted the broken nailed fingertip,
    It didn't taste like varnish,
    It tasted like the sea, like the ocean, like the dried up tear you tried to hide...
    I saw you moving it slowly,
    Hardly touching,
    Along my neck, my chest, round my waist,
    Along the back of my leg down to my toe,
    And back up,
    Slightly pausing along the way for a soft pinch,
    Back into my mouth, then in yours...

    I asked you to keep laughing,
    I wanted to count your teeth,
    To test their sharpness as they cut into my fingers...
    You preferred to cut into my lips,
    You said you wanted to feel what a vampire feels like,
    I told you vampires drink the blood because they are hungry,
    You drink the blood because you are in love,
    Then you tried to argue while I closed your mouth,
    Presenting you with my lips as the offering on your mouth's altar,
    But you refused to cut,
    You refused the sacrifice,
    You preferred to grind your teeth into mine,
    And let me sip the wild fruit nectar of your mouth,
    Getting me drunk,

    I wanted to count your strawberry tipped breasts,
    With my eyes,
    I found only one,
    The other one was hid by a stubborn arm that you placed querulously above it,
    I removed your arm but there was still only one,
    Now you hid the other one,
    So I stopped counting with my eyes and started counting with my hands,
    You allowed me,
    You allowed me to count with my lips as well,
    Moaning slightly,
    Giggling slightly when I touched a ticklish spot,
    Crossing your legs around my body and squashing me like rotten lemon,
    Crossing your arms around my back and squeezing so hard
    That for a moment I panicked and thought we are going to crush the strawberries,
    Then I remembered,
    They were there for crushing,
    For caressing,
    For loving...

    I refused to count the hours,
    How does one count infinity,
    How does one explain infinity when it ends,
    Paradise when it sheds its leaves,
    Love when it is counted by a rotating arm?
    I counted the tears instead,
    None underneath your eyes,
    So many oceans of it in your heart,
    Never ending,
    Therefore I started counting,
    Never to end,
    Never to leave,

    Counting fingers, one, two... five,
    Thin like wooden flaming shive,
    Crawling shivers body rip,
    Tiny earthquakes raging deep...

    Counting sinking teeth in lips,
    Cutting softly bleeding strips,
    Clashing hungry tooth to tooth,
    Biting deep in lover's loot...

    Counting proud and burning tips,
    Taking sweetly flavored nips,
    With a taste of heaven's blend,
    With a scorching touch no end...

    Counting hours, counting days,
    Ruthless time its offsprings slays,
    Counting seconds, counting fears,
    Counting heartbeats, countless tears...




    How do I write a poem?
    You asked me,
    I didn't have an answer.

    Do I write a scenario,
    Do I plan the number of words,
    Of lines,
    Type of rhyme,
    The subject?
    Any or all, or none and any?

    How do I breathe?
    You didn't ask me,
    I don't have an answer neither.

    I tried to find it, the answer,
    For you, maybe for myself,
    I followed myself for hours, for weeks,
    Bored to death, if it wasn't I then I would have asked for another assignment.
    Talked to you,
    Read your words,
    Thought of choosing a career as a palm tree,
    It probably leads a more interesting life,
    Supporting armies of pigeons relieving themselves from its branches onto the sidewalk...
    Or maybe as a traffic sign?...

    And then, suddenly, a surge,
    From inside, deep in the chest, was it in the head and I imagined it to be in the chest?
    I remember a word you said,
    I retrieve a question you asked,
    I listen to your laughter and try to remember the reason,
    A cry of pain,
    A declaration of love, a grasp for the receding trails of a parting promise,
    And it starts swelling into a need, into a rumble,
    Into a tidal wave screaming... let me out... I want to live,
    My hand groping frantically for a broken pencil,
    For a torn white corner off an unpaid bill,
    Half an eye watching the rushing road, the other half of the other eye watching the paper,
    Scribbling fragments of words, phrases bubbling incoherently out,
    Like smog particles spluttering randomly out a factory's chimney,
    No logic yet one direction, up, away,
    An abstract mind's painting replacing colors, lines, hues,
    With verbs, synonyms, punctuation signs,
    Adding music in the form of rhyme,
    Adding heartbeats in the form of exclamation marks...
    Then the surge is over. Does it make any sense?
    Does it make sense to me, would it make sense to anybody else,
    Would it make sense to the only one other I care making sense to,

    Later, sometimes much later,
    I collect the written splinters of thoughts,
    Collate them, add a word, change some, painfully delete some lines,
    Never really satisfied but having to end it sometime, somehow.
    And I end it. It is finished.
    A last look, trying yet hardly able to be objective,
    Will you see through the web of abstract colors the deep passion woven into these lines,
    Will you guess answers to riddles I cannot decipher myself and deliver me with solutions,
    Will you want me to go on or scream that I should stop,
    Will you join me in my unreality and pretend you live it too? Like I do?

    I end it. It is finished. When will the next one come?
    Will it come?
    I am back to my daily. Listening. Remembering.
    Waiting for the surge.
    Will it come?
    It will.
    As long as there are words to listen,
    As long as there are lines to read,
    As long as there are memories to remember,
    As long as you are there to play these tunes on your mind's chords - it will.
    As long. And not one moment longer.



Puppy, Kaleidoscope, Fairy...

    It felt so small against my shoe,
    It had three weeks, or maybe two,
    Its eyes a blur of shade and light
    Its squeal a murmur in the night,
    A fur so soft, a wagging tail,
    A low demanding hungry wail,
    Imploring warmth, imploring care,
    An innocent and drilling stare,
    I picked it up, into my shirt,
    Its little nose with stains of dirt,
    And then I laughed, the little thing
    Riding my belly like a king,
    Tried hard my nipple, quite uncouth,
    To rip with suckling toothless mouth...

    It was a tube, its colors bright,
    Outside was day, inside was night,
    And full with hundred pieces glass,
    And colored beads, and burnished brass,
    I looked its end... oh magic world
    With thousand shapes as round it twirled,
    And changing suns with rolling stars
    And flashes off gems rich with scars,
    No end of forms I tried to count,
    One special shape I tried to mount,
    But round and round the wonders shone,
    One life a second, then it's gone,
    My senses drunk, my mind a haze,
    A flowing dream on eyes ablaze...

    I thought... oh no, oh, could it be?
    A flood of gold from neck to knee,
    Were these there eyes? this depth unseen
    Where worlds do end and lives begin,
    Where these there wings? so thin and frail,
    On which sweet dreams and wishes sail,
    This rustling sound? when close she came,
    This scorching smell? a breathing flame,
    I couldn't see, I saw too well,
    I couldn't feel, I felt the spell,
    The magic mist thin through the air,
    The gentle breeze, the senseless scare,
    No human words could that portray,
    No words of wonder, nor of pray,
    And know I knew with sudden fright
    I've seen the glory, touched the light...



ET Phone Home...

    In the village of Hawalis,
    Round the corner from Detralis,
    Deep the county called Mishiga,
    Of the kingdom Am Er Iga
    Lives a creature,
    Mammals feature,
    Think she's virgin,
    Though her engine
    Manufactured had some seeds,
    What they humans call them kids,
    Never understood this feature,
    How could any higher creature
    Not just split
    Like we, thanks Git,
    I'm confused,
    Beg be excused,
    Thank you master, let's go back
    To this female human's shack,
    Where, afraid of human's cat,
    I just camouflaged in bat,
    Oh my Gitness
    Be my witness,
    This there female
    Left her e-mail
    And with viking battle sound
    Started chasing me around,
    Shooting something they call guns,
    Throwing something they call buns,
    Round the room
    With a broom,
    Eyes a flashing,
    Teeth a gnashing,
    Oh my master, I petition
    To abandon this my mission,
    Cauze I know that if she could,
    Given half a chance she would...

    Tried another stratagema,
    Split myself to hundreds them-a,
    Them-a spiders 's what I mean,
    You should hear the human scream,
    Beady eyes,
    Saucer size,
    Hellish blue,
    Piercing through,
    My poor parts all cringed in fear
    As she started stomping near,
    Hit me some, you know I hate,
    When I must regenerate,
    Changed to mole,
    Through a hole,
    Squirmed away
    Green and grey,
    While she kept yelling and grunting,
    Dirty words like spray and hunting,
    I must tell you master grace
    Such an alien this race,
    Using nails,
    Using rails,
    Stick their tongue
    When they're young,
    Primitives down to their marrow,
    Moving earth with one wheeled barrow,
    Master dear, no vacancy
    On Omega Triple D?
    This assignment,
    My confinement,
    It's death row,
    This you know,
    And one day when I won't see
    She will quash the whole of me,
    Cauze I know that if she could,
    Given half a chance she would...

    Did you read my first report
    Of this funny kind of sport
    When she takes this thing called car,
    Used for moving close to far,
    At a crawl
    To the mall,
    Merely ninety,
    Then, oh, mighty,
    There's this human with a cap,
    And a gun, and starts to yap,
    That's when starts the competition
    (Don't forget, please, my petition...)
    He is steaming,
    And is screaming,
    And is looming,
    And is booming,
    Suddenly... my female's beaming,
    And her teeth for seconds gleaming,
    In this grimace they call smile,
    Oh, the humans are so vile,
    And the cop's
    Voice tone drops,
    And his eyes
    Stick like flies
    To the female human's chest,
    What the hell's his interest
    In this wobbling hanging things
    Pulled back up by funny strings?
    Tell you master,
    A disaster,
    This world is,
    Help me, please,
    She's this world's most wanted nut,
    She may catch my nose and cut,
    Cauze I know that if she could,
    Given half a chance she would...

    Oh, dear master, thousand stories
    I could fill with my day's worries,
    Maybe, may I be so bold
    As to ask a place to hold
    In the ship
    With the creep
    From next door,
    Just... NO MORE!
    Or assign me supervisor
    Of the president's advisor,
    Or of plants, or of a tree,
    Just away from frightful she,
    She could lose
    One huge moose,
    She could spit
    Twenty feet,
    She could take a brand new tractor
    And like innocent an actor
    Smash it with this truck of her
    And pretend it wasn't there,
    I have seen,
    Gitly queen,
    Watched her stop
    At the hop,
    In her monster filling gas,
    Kick away with nose high class,
    Taking half a town to ride
    With the nozzle still inside,
    Watched in horror,
    Chief explorer,
    Mighty bank
    Like a tank
    She tore down with single sweep,
    Help me, save me from her grip,
    Cauze I know that if she could,
    Given half a chance she would...

        *    *    *

    Honored master, just a moment,
    May I have a slight postponement,
    Think I found some kind of way,
    Where I wouldn't mind to stay,
    Cauze you see,
    Stupid me
    Played the wrong
    Kind of song,
    And I strongly do advise
    Our guidelines to revise,
    When disguise I have to choose
    Don't want choice like fly or shoes,
    But a blossom
    At her bosom,
    On her skin,
    Breezy fragrance in her hair,
    On her ears a rubies pair,
    Crimson color in her cheeks,
    Music round the words she speaks,
    Lace on breast,
    Silk on chest,
    Air she breathes,
    Sword she sheathes,
    Lipstick touch upon her lips,
    Choice of colored perfumed nips,
    And somewhere along the way
    Maybe... human, if I may?
    On a chance
    For one dance
    Her to hold
    And enfold,
    While she whispers gently near
    Softly... love you... in my ear...
    Cauze I know that if she could,
    Given half a chance she would...



H & H...

    Hell. Heaven.
    Heaven. Hell.
    Just two words I know too well.

    Heaven. Is it a what, is it a where?
    Is it a when?

    That short imperceptible smile radiating from cloud free tear stained eyes,
    That gentle unfelt hand squeeze at ends of trembling soft fingertips,
    That binding inexistent unbreakable promise chaining a heartbeat to a heart not of its own body?...

    In the smiling eyes,
    In the squeezing fingertips,
    In the promising heartbeat?...

    When a smile clears up the clouds from the tear stained eyes,
    When a gentle squeeze wakes up the tremor in soft fingertips,
    When a promise chains a heartbeat to an alien heart?...

    Heaven, and losing it.
    If what, if where, if when...

    Hell. Heaven.
    Heaven. Hell.
    Rolls and rolls the carrousel...




    Not having known you.

    No regrets. No expectations,
    Last of life's forgotten stations,
    Quiet, cold, the darkened alley
    Leading down the peaceful valley
    Echoes emptiness, erasing
    Footsteps, memories replacing
    With oblivion's final veil,
    Fades to nothingness the trail,
    And the nowhere whence I came
    Hastily wipes out my name...

    Having known you.
    Not having touched you.

    Sharp regrets. A burning passion
    Screams its pain in desert ashen,
    Raising fist and roaring prayer
    To a deaf unheeding slayer,
    Desperately clinging, turning,
    Fading hopes its insides burning,
    Crippling raving madness soaring,
    Wildly sky and god imploring -
    Wish me hell and all its ire
    For a single touch of fire...

    Having touched you.

    No regrets. Sweet expectations,
    Thrilling whiffs of sharp sensations
    Sculped in spirit, carved in flesh,
    Sense through hope with dreams enmesh,
    Knowing that at end of road,
    There where rivers never flowed,
    Between now and end of time
    Come will be this most sublime
    Of encounters - our dawn,
    From the end of time and on...




    You were a poem on page sixty five,
    I was a poem on page eighty seven,
    Many pages between us, and many poems,
    An invisible hand rearranging them daily, the pages, the poems on pages...

    I knew your verses by heart,
    Partly rhyming,
    Partly not rhyming,
    Partly changing constantly,
    Adding lines, removing words, shuffling colors,
    A pulsating chameleon,
    A living kaleidoscope, a million colors rainbow,
    In red, in blue, in soft, in gentle, in warm, in nightingale tunes...
    I tried to listen to them,
    When the book was lying down and your page was above mine,
    The light penetrating the brittle paper,
    Reflecting your letters on my page,
    Mixing shapes, words, adding meaning, adding mystery,
    Changing love to lover, arm to warm,
    Changing pain to passion...
    Did you know you are doing that,
    Or was it the fortunate hand of the hazards god that composed the music?

    I tried to paint my lines on your page,
    When the book was turned the other way around,
    Creating shadows, forests, lakes of words,
    Undulating with the light beams enslaved by the fluttering window curtains,
    Silvery fishes jumping out of rivers,
    Golden leaves shivering under the spell of haunting siren voices...
    Trying to smile at you,
    And at times thinking I can...

    And when, at times, the book was sitting upright,
    Light drilling through its covers side to side,
    Dust speckles breaking the sharp rays into myriad scattered reflections,
    I had the impression that you... see me,
    You try to read me, try to reach through to me,
    Hitting with small punctuation fists the wide desert pages between us,
    Trying to tear a hole through them,
    To get your first line to touch my first word,
    Your title to kiss my poet's name,
    Your every verse to squeeze in between my every other verse,
    Creating a masterpiece, a new poem, a melody welding two lives...
    Creating a new life...


    Fell asleep, my forehead crushing piles of books strewn on my desk,
    Snoring slightly between novels, from modern to picaresque,
    Just returned from three days travel in this land, what was its name?
    In my bag a crumbling treasure with a verse so picturesque.

    Funny when that little fellow with an out of fashion beard,
    In that dusty little bookshop with a smell so oddly weird,
    Pulled me in, almost imploring for a favor... funny game,
    That this tome away I carry, as if hell was that he feared...

    Climbed aboard the train, my fingers burning with the itch of quest,
    As the iron monster grumbling swallowed miles while chasing west,
    I unpacked the heavy bundle with a certain strain of heart,
    Partly weary, partly laughing all my worries back to rest.

    Didn't feel, when did they fly by seconds, minutes, hours, miles?
    While my eyes their path were searching in between the pages aisles,
    Didn't I?... about this poem?... where?... what page was?... where's the start?
    And confused I kept on mumbling through my neighbors' hidden smiles.

    Was it just my sleepless hours hazing gaze to slumber come,
    Moments suddenly I shivered with my eyes a frozen glum,
    Words before my eyes were rushing, pages sliding like through spell,
    Then my head the cobwebs shaking, knowing that I looked so dumb...

    Dozing, shaking, reading, moaning, three more miles and here I'm home,
    Dizzily I climbed the ladder to my desk under the dome,
    All the while a rumbling tremor, like a mute and tongueless bell
    Seemed to pass cover to cover streaming through the giant tome.

    Numb with weariness and wonder, to the desk I pulled my chair,
    And my pipe with frozen fingers lighted puffing in the flare,
    Now, I told myself in anger, let's get down to mother earth,
    Let the daylight see the marvels melt away in thinnest air.

    Just an hour, then the sunshine dissipating will the haze,
    And it's time I set my bearings getting out of all this craze,
    Just some seconds, with my eyes closed I will smile with real mirth
    And I'll break the logic binding this most genial a maze...


    Light, it was always candle light.
    Or gas light, or fluttering oil lamp light.
    Never seen a stronger light, never knew there can be a stronger light.
    It is dark, I know my verses but can't read yours,
    Did they change meantime,
    Did you lose your way in the darkness and your words mixed up,
    No, please, no, your words so enchanting,
    Your voice penetrating through the wilderness of the separating pages,
    Were you calling out for me moments ago,
    Was this vibration your way of telling me that one day our verses will mix for real,
    That the many thousands of pages separating us will one day be torn away,
    And our lines will meet, and our exclamation marks will touch,
    And your rhyme will complement mine and the music will be complete,
    In the voices of those reading us,
    In the eyes of those regarding us, dreaming along our lines?...
    Look, look sweet poem many many pages away,
    I see a light, getting stronger, oh, never seen such a light before,
    Now I can see you so clearly,
    Your lines so rhythmic, so fluid,
    Your shape so transparent and gentle...
    Do you see the whirling clouds surrounding our book?
    Do you see my lines?
    Do you see my words transparent fingers reaching to you,
    Do you see the desert, the maybe, the never, the sometime?
    Here, I found it, for the first time I found it,
    It was written in me and never knew where to look for it,
    Now I found it under this blinding light,
    Look, I found it,
    The magic word... the key to the riddle... fire...

    Let my desire
    Sweep me like fire,
    Let your sweet wonder
    Smite me like thunder,
    Let rhyming spell
    Burn me like hell...


    Fell asleep, my forehead crushing piles of books strewn on my desk,
    Snoring slightly between novels, from modern to picaresque,
    Just returned from three days travel in this land, what was its name?
    In my bag a crumbling treasure with a verse so picturesque.

    Was I dreaming? Did my slumber open up some mystic link,
    Did I hear low thunder roaring through the waves of printed ink,
    Was I still hallucinating, fever laying chesty claim
    To last shreds of failing logic on my madness' very brink?

    Suddenly, I jumped in horror, sleepy webs forever gone,
    Light was pouring in the small room from a proud and mighty dawn,
    White thin smoke still rising softly where my pipe has fallen down,
    And some charred and blackened fragments seemed to flicker off and on...

    Felt like crying, mighty heaven, now I'll never know nor find
    Was it magic, was it madness, was it sparks inside my mind,
    And I wondered, heart a thunder, on my face an angry frown,
    Sixty five and eighty seven, how in hell they got entwined?...



Tunes Four...

    Don't steal my thunder,
    Don't steal my rain,
    Don't steal my sorrow,
    Don't steal my pain,

    Listen to my thunder,
    Listen to my rain,
    Listen to my sorrow,
    Listen to my pain,

    Soak in my thunder,
    Soak in my rain,
    Keep from my sorrow,
    Keep from my pain,

    'Cause for you my thunder whispers ruffling through your golden locks,
    'Cause for you my rain's a caress landing on your eyelash docks,
    'Cause for you my sorrow's hidden hind the bars that line my chest,
    'Cause for you my pain is never, never, never gone to rest...

    Forgive me my thunder,
    Forgive me my rain,
    Forgive me my sorrow,
    Forgive me my pain...

          *  *  *

    Write me a smile...
    Is what you once said,
    Was fair Little Prince -
    Little Princess instead?

    And now we are one...
    Is what you once said,
    Was is not on the night
    When we two just wed?

    Forever and day...
    Is what you once said,
    Was in not in the words
    That I have just read?

    You gave me my life...
    Is what I once said,
    Did you really believe
    That my oath I will shed?

          *  *  *

    You tied my hands to no avail
    With some strands of pony tail,
          Paid my fee
          To get free
    Twenty kisses was the bail...

    Tore your shirt to ribbons thin,
    Tied my knees under my chin,
          Both we knew
          Me and you
    In the end you're bound to sin...

    You tried another wild bear trap,
    Used your bra's silk shoulder strap,
          While my mouth
          Wandered south
    You just had my face to slap...

    Not much chance, what else you've got?
    Used your panties, double knot,
          Man, oh, man,
          Was it fun
    As you tried to hide that spot...

    Did you give up in despair?
    Oh, not you, what's fair is fair,
          Bit of eyes,
          Couple sighs
    And I crumbled then and there...



Fairy Week...

    This there stupid fairy bitch,
    Just the thought of her - I itch,
    Started telling me a story
    Long and winded, fat and gory,
    Buzzing without shame and fear
    Right ear in and out left ear,
    Till I felt - oh, what the heck,
    I will squeeze her scrawny neck,
    Just to get my quiet back...

    Couldn't get her yesterday,
    She just wriggled out of way,
    And like nothing happened fore
    Started spinning other bore,
    Sitting high upon my nose
    In this careless fancy pose,
    I just picked my loaded gun,
    No, I didn't feel like fun,
    Here's a fairy... here is none...

    As one surely could have guessed,
    She was not that much impressed,
    After patching nose and chin
    (Mine of course, hope none had seen)
    Shifted gears to rumbling tone,
    Jokes, and songs, and on, and on...
    Where's this sling I bought today?
    I'll just sling her far away,
    To that far south stinking bay...

    Yeah, I know, the door bell rang,
    Did I feel some heart deep pang?
    Sadly thought - "It is the cops,
    Carrying the ugly corpse..."
    Pulled the door, unlocked the chain,
    What the hell is this again?
    Shrilly laughing like a pup,
    You just started singing rap...
    Did I call her 'you' line up?...

    Started stomping round the room,
    Throwing axe, and knife, and broom,
    You...hmmm... ranted through it all,
    Flying like you had a ball,
    Was I having kind of fit
    Or... what's fair... enjoying it?...
    Then, of sudden, through this scud,
    One short squeal... a solid thud...
    No more you, but drops of blood...

    No more sign of you, this hush,
    Where's the craze, the noise, the rush,
    Cringed in wait, in fear, in pain,
    Lay across the bloody stain,
    Humming half remembered runes
    From your noise, your rant, your tunes,
    No more screams under my bed,
    No more screams of sad, or glad,
    All the screams are in my head...

    Tender knock... the door ajar...
    You are there, so is the scar
    Left across your naked breast...
    Pulled you tight against my chest,
    No more fairy, woman flesh
    In this body, God, so fresh,
    Don't care how, your lips about
    To dispel and ease my doubt,
    I just sealed them with my mouth...

    The Rest Of My Life.
    From the bridge to jump I'd try
    If it wasn't all that high,
    I would jump under the train
    If it wasn't for the rain,
    I would... got you, minds a gawking,
    Like the buzzards round me flocking...
    Fairy, lover, woman, wife,
    Through your scar I'll drink your life,
    Scalding passion ever rife...




    When the stardust turned to dust,
    When the rainbow lost its bow,
    When the passion changed to pass,
    When we lost the we in us,

    When the smiles got lost in miles,
    When the endless shed its less,
    When the beauty ceased to be,
    When we lost the us in we,

    When a lover says it's over,
    When you're lost in heaven's haven,
    When the flow of flowers dries,
    And when paradise just... dies...


    I look at the note in my hand.
    It carries tear stains. And crumpling signs.
    As if it was almost thrown away and then, nevertheless, sent.
    I looked at it as it started smoldering,
    Then a small flame consumed the thin paper, turning into a towering fire,
    Burning my fingers,
    Burning my arms, reaching my chest...
    I screamed in pain and jumped into the river,
    To extinguish the fire, to cool the burned flesh,
    Cool, cool...



All I Wanted...

    As I watched the swelling river
    Racing madly 'cross the land,
    Sweeping forests, tearing mountains,
    Raging fury out of hand,
    As I watched the swelling river
    Ocean wide and mountain high,
    One small pebble, all I wanted,
    And to die...

    As I heard the old volcano
    Growling deeply like a beast,
    Pouring molten death and fury
    In a fire's raging feast,
    As I heard the old volcano
    Raising fists against the sky,
    Just a spark, is all I wanted,
    And to die...

    As I touched a graceful laughter,
    As I touched a roaring joy,
    As I touched a wild desire
    Hind thick layers of decoy,
    As I touched a secret yearning
    Hidden deep inside a sigh,
    Once to touch you, all I wanted,
    And to die...



The Promise...

    Is it a promise?
    She said - yes...
    I asked her - when?
    She answered - guess...
    I tried a feeble - where?
    She smiled,
    Mid stampeding horses wild,
    Top a bed of hanging rocks
    Where the eagles nation flocks,
    Fathoms deep twilighted seas
    Roving sharks around and peace,
    Deserts wide of burning sands,
    Forests thick on long lost lands,
    In the languish,
    In the quest,
    In your chest,
    And in my breast...




    The hardest slice of the day.
    I open my eyes,
    I know I cannot stretch my hand to the pillow next to me,
    And touch your hair,
    I get up,
    I know I cannot bend over your side of the bed,
    And kiss your closed eyes,
    I wash, dress, leave,
    I know I cannot hold for a moment,
    And listen to your calm, peaceful breathing...

    The hardest slice of the day.
    You are regarding the phone, cannot call you,
    You are having lunch, cannot join you,
    You are shopping, cannot carry your bag...

    The hardest slice of the day.
    Driving back to a house empty of you,
    You are else,
    Dining alone,
    You are dining with else,
    Not smiling,
    You are smiling to else...

    The hardest slice of the day.
    Knowing that tomorrow comes morning again...




    I want to comb your wet hair,
    After the shower,
    Stick the comb deep into it, at the top of your head,
    And pull it slowly, slowly, watching the parting strands,
    Slowly, touching the nape of your neck,
    Your shoulder blades,
    Your spine, lower, to your waist,
    Then pick up a second strand,
    Stick the comb deep into the soft silk,
    And gently pull down again,
    My fingertips touching your skin,
    Your eyes closed, dreaming,
    Slowly, slowly, to your waist,
    Then lower...

    I want to massage your feet,
    Pour soft glinting oil on your ankles, on the back of your knees,
    On the back of your thighs,
    And knead muscle by muscle,
    Bone by bone,
    The oil soaking into your skin,
    Your flesh soft and giving,
    My fingers touching the soles of your feet,
    Your thin ankles, your knees,
    One, then the other,
    Pushing the slow moving waves of flesh one way, then the other,
    Up to your thighs,
    Then higher...

    I want to touch your lips pink,
    I want to touch your fingernails red,
    I want to touch your eyelashes black...

    I want to paint your life sweet,
    I want to paint your life happy,
    I want to paint your life love...

    I want to paint me next to you.

    I want to love you.




    One day when God was kind of bored,
    He told himself - I am the Lord,
    I gave them heaven, gave them hell,
    And sight, and taste, and touch, and smell,
    I gave them laws, I gave them fun,
    I gave them love, I gave them sun,
    Well... free will too, that's quite a flaw,
    He smiled - I'm only God, you know...
    I'll leave behind some token sign
    And start on this my new design,
    I hope my wild unruly kids
    Won't blow this world to tiny bits,
    While in my lab, remote from all,
    I'll build an angel as they call.

    As some might know and some might say,
    His lab is mighty far away,
    And what is timeless in His eyes
    Is thousands years under these skies...
    So meanwhile laws we learned to break,
    And tiny suns alone to make,
    And love inside much empty shell,
    And bits of heaven, lots of hell,
    So when at last He finished there,
    His angel models ready were,
    (Some black, some white, some pale, some dark,
    Some sing, some dance, some talk, some bark)...
    He looked at us again... oh, no,
    And thunders raced from eyes to brow...

    His sleeves pulls up, His mind so clear -
    It's time I make some order here,
    So get prepared you world of shame
    To learn again to spell My name,
    And listen to the roaring sound
    About to come from round and round...
    Well, so He roars, but we all know
    His heart is soft, and all this show
    Just to ensure that not again
    Will He send fire, flood, and pain,
    And years on years He'll bear with us,
    And teach, and school, as eons pass,
    Only... till then, hmmm... (so He says)
    My angel models I must place...

    He pulls the spring, and then a whirr,
    As blood and heart begin to stir,
    The angels slowly float to ground,
    Well, then somehow they will be found,
    And for the time till end of wait
    They will just share a human fate,
    And love and death and life and pain,
    And once it's over... once again,
    Forever guessing - who is me,
    If do I am, if should I be?
    Till that one day when He has time,
    By then the world turns back to rhyme,
    And He will finish the design
    Of this His toy almost divine...

        *    *    *

    Yes, I have seen her, I can boast,
    Some bit of wild, some bit of lost,
    Bit blonde and pale, bit blue of eye,
    Bit small, and soft, and gay, and shy,
    I simply guessed in minutes two
    She is just not the me and you,
    So then I tried to find the mark -
    The black and white and pale and dark,
    Tried hard to find the zipping line
    Looked left and right her tender spine,
    She just maintained I'm kind of nut,
    Right she may be... yeah right, yeah - but
    She is an angel, this I bet,
    She simply doesn't know it yet...



Tunes Five...

    I never thought I'll ever think the thoughts I think today,
    I always dreamt to dream the dreams I'm dreaming night and day,
    And thinking of forbidden dreams were dreams I dared not dream,
    And dreams of thoughts of dreams so strange I dreamt at hazard's whim...

    While thoughtless lines messed thoughtful words into a senseless thought,
    And dreamless nights killed dreaming seeds and dreams have turned to naught,
    I always thought one day I'll think the thoughts I thought and knew,
    I never dreamt in dreams to dream of dreaming dreams of you...

            *  *  *

    With you.
    You don't know it, but I am with you.
    When you look ahead seeing nothing but pain,
    Cringing in fear at unanswered questions,
    At dreadful certainties,
    Knowing that tomorrow the scythe is going to hit again,
    Wounding, crippling, killing,
    Cutting through any armor, any shield thickness,
    Your face masking futile anger,
    In your lungs enough air to shatter three worlds with roaring whispers of pain,
    The fingers groping for handholds where there are none,
    Your pillow soaked with last night's salted, out of season, rains,
    I am with you.

    Around you, when winter chills try to penetrate the thin layers of hope,
    In front of you, when dark horizons are searching for your eye to blind,
    Inside you, when convulsing muscles face predatory demands of bland realities,
    With you,
    Offering my bone to block the scythe,
    My eyes to light the darkness,
    My arms to burn the winter away,
    My spirit to carry away reality to the land of no return,
    My life,
    For your love.

            *  *  *

    Where does one end and the other start?
    Where does hell end? does it end? can it end?
    It starts, sometimes with a song, sometimes with a bang,
    Sometimes with a crisp smile,
    And the fists clamp,
    And the teeth grit,
    And your eyes wildly search for the exit,
    And you wish you could scream, or hit,
    Or disappear taking the whole world along with you,
    Only to find out that the more you struggle,
    The more you get enmeshed,
    Hell loving you, embracing you, cocooning you,
    Layer, over layer, over layer,
    Suffocating you in its intimate embrace,
    Gently reshaping your body, your surroundings,
    Your life,
    And whispering in your ear with unbeatable certainty -
    Hell never ends... heaven never starts...

    Where does one end and the other start?
    Where does heaven end?
    It never ends,
    Because it never starts...

            *  *  *

    I dream. Don't know of what, don't know of whom,
    Waking up excited, trying to force the dream back into my mind,
    No way, it dissipates into nothingness,
    Leaving an almost indiscernible trace,
    Warm, sweet, an unfair guessing game,
    Unfair since I know the answer to the question,
    Don't know of what, know of whom...

    So I close my eyes anew,
    Kissing off the grass blades dew,
    Arms encircling lamp posts one,
    Two male cops and milkmen none,
    Holding up my face and chest,
    Yielding to a strange request
    Hammered in my dulling brain
    Time, and time, and then again,
    Asking me to give up hope,
    Keep the faith, yet promise... nope,
    So who cares if I'm a dope?...

    Yep, cause there's a lady there
    Hiding out around somewhere,
    That is sending me a rose,
    After thumbing me her nose,
    Keepin' glidin' out of sight
    Like a fading streak of light,
    And she scratches just to kiss,
    And to hide among the trees,
    And to catch me unaware,
    And inside my eyes to stare,
    And her life with me to share...

    I made it. My dream is back, so real, so tender,
    Like the last brown leave shed off an old oak tree
    When autumn magic envelopes in hidden whispers my lost senses,
    And you float inside the golden landscape,
    Holding out your arms,
    Offering your most intimate secrets,
    Abandoning your tense body in my desperate hold...



Gave Me Life...

    Feels as though I've never been
                                     born before,
    Out of reach this strangely odd
                                     distant shore,
    Life or death a blending blur
                                     none to care,
    In a mindless children's game
                                     truth or dare.

    Passing suns through changing moons
                                     rolling on,
    Spring to summer, autumn dies,
                                     winter's gone,
    Smile forgotten on my lips,
                                     mind at rest,
    Hoping night forever sets
                                     in my chest.

    Gently darkness touched my brow
                                     reaching out,
    With its kiss of winter cold
                                     touched my mouth,
    Just as night was closing in,
                                     like a wife,
    You, like fire swept me on,
                                     gave me life.



Yes, No, Yes...

    I remember those long gone words,
    When you told me you got into your car,
    The window down,
    Driving to this secluded place,
    The wind playing messy games with your golden locks,
    Half your mind wondering,
    Half knowing already,
    Do you love me?...

    I forgot that long gone torture,
    The day we married,
    Vows burning hot on our lips,
    Promises fresh in my nostrils,
    With you wondering away,
    To our honeymoon,
    And someone else waking up at your side,
    Will I leave you?...

    I know the moment now gone forever,
    When your smile, oh, that most miraculous of creations,
    Took away my sight
    Blessing me with light,
    Burned away my face
    Blessing me with grace,
    Pierced my body through
    Blessing me with you,
    When your laughter, oh, a butterfly's beating wings,
    Drowned me in its lace
    Smothering embrace,
    Roped me in its silk
    Honey flavored milk,
    Crushed me under feet
    Ripped me with its teeth,
    When your word, oh, a king's scepter studded with the diamond of your sigh,
    Rolled into my brain
    Like a crashing train,
    Rolled under the skies
    My forbidden vice,
    Rolled and landed sweet
    Right against His feet,
    And I knew, I forgot, I remembered,
    Do we love?...

    Yes... No... Yes...




    I sit and read an empty screen,
    I wait for word or sign,
    I read unwritten and unseen
    Your lines when touching mine.

    I wait in empty naked bars,
    I drink from dirty cups,
    I touch inside old rusted cars
    Half breeds and squealing pups.

    I open books at pages odd,
    I count the commas through,
    I try to find the secret code
    That links my mind to you.

    I close my eyes to see the sky,
    I cover ears to hear,
    I touch a face and ask it why
    And how way home to steer.

    I'll never touch. I'll never see.
    I know. I'll go. I'll part.
    I beg of you my life to free,
    Kind girl - please pierce my heart.


    And if 'beyond', and if there's 'there',
    The 'there' to you I'll give,
    Yet... be 'there' lies, and none to share,
    Then live. Forget me. Live!



The Light...

    I see a warm yellow light,
    Somewhere, far away,
    I stretch my hand to touch it,
    It is too far,
    I get up, walk towards it,
    And the more I walk the further it gets,
    I hurry up, my feet chasing each other faster,
    The light never closer, yet... warmer, bigger,
    I don't give up, I must reach it, touch it,
    I start running, closing my eyes against the glare,
    Peeling my clothing along the path,
    I have to reach it,
    My right hand stretched far in front of me,
    Trying to gain another yard, another inch,
    Sweat pours down in rivers in a desperate effort to cool my body,
    Trying to protect it from the terrible growing heat,
    I feel my eyelashes burning,
    My skin blistering and exploding,
    My eye pools drying,
    Am I nearer? or is the light turning into fire?
    Is the fire turning into blaze?
    Another few steps,
    Flesh turning to charcoal,
    Breath turning into liquid pain,
    One last step,
    Am I there?
    I jump in...
    I open my arms, open my chest,
    Open my unseeing eyes,
    And for one last glorious moment I burn, I burn,
    My body turns to flames,
    I am in the heart of the sun,
    One spark in infinity,
    One momentary flare on the map of an endless reach,
    And I live,
    And I love,
    And I'm gone...




    When I pulled you by the hair,
    When I dragged you to my lair,
    When you kicked my hurting shin,
    When you banged me on my bean,
    When I bound you hand to foot,
    When I tied you to a root,
    When you scratched my cheek to blood,
    When you rolled me in the mud,
    When I built a bed of rock,
    When I had your chin to knock,
    When you screamed and bit my nose,
    When you broke my two big toes,
    When I blocked the cave at night,
    When I huddled down in fright,
    When you pulled away the hide,
    When you slid down by my side,
    When we trembled frightened hell,
    When the goat slid in as well...

    When I saw the sunny spot,
    When I kicked away the goat,
    When I wanted to get out,
    When I tried to find your mouth,
    Which was holding to my ear,
    Was it pleasure, was it fear?
    When you clutched the beard I wore,
    When you pulled my cloth and tore,
    When you snarled and gripped my chest,
    When you pulled me in your nest
    Which was warm and rotten sweet,
    Was it ivy, was it beet?
    When we rolled out of the cave,
    When we screamed wave after wave,
    When we punched each other's eye,
    When we fought over the fly
    Which was going down the throat,
    Was it you, was it the goat?

    When I leaned against the tree,
    When you leaned against my knee,
    When I bit your scrawny neck,
    When you scratched my back a wreck,
    When I picked your tangled hair,
    When you reared like wildest mare,
    When I fell to panther's paws,
    When you chased with nails the claws,
    When I fought the savage bear,
    When you licked my wound and tear,
    When I slashed at mighty foe,
    When you snapped and wouldn't go,
    When we fled the raging flood,
    When we pulled through deadly mud,
    When I cut my string and bow,
    When I watched your belly grow,
    When the baby gripped your tit,
    When the goat nibbled your feet...



Nose, Rose, Bow, Toe...

    With my finger
                Touch your nose,
    In my left hand
                Here's a rose,
    To your feet
                I'll kneel and bow,
    And I'll kiss
                Your right big toe.

    Here's a hanky,
                Blow your nose,
    Smell the petals
                Of my rose,
    Yellow ribbons
                To my bow,
    Scarlet ribbons
                Round your toe.

    To my forest
                Pulls your nose,
    To a prickly
                Bed of rose,
    Long your body
                I will bow,
    Making love
                From head to toe.




    I touched you today,
    You came into my arms,
    Floating into them like a hesitating snow flake,
    Cold enough to survive the consuming flames of desire,
    Warm enough to burn your brand on my skin,
    Unreal enough to make me doubt my sanity.

    I hugged you today,
    You poured into my arms,
    Sliding into them like a muscled snake,
    Strong enough to curl into a crushing loop around me,
    Soft enough to drown me into your deep embrace,
    Far enough to make me scream in despair.

    I held you today,
    You rested in my arms,
    Biting into them with wanton abandon,
    Our bodies tied with razor sharp barbed wire,
    Our skins glinting with blood mixed sweat,
    Our mouths devouring each other,
    The beating drums in our chests shattering our bones,
    So unreal,
    So far,
    So soft, gentle, wild...

    You left today,
    Leaving behind a token of your promise to come back,
    A promise,
    A certainty.
    Your heart.




    Lovers' food,
    Playing musical tunes on voice's vibrating strings,
    Deliciously rolling round the tongue's amorphous softness,
    Bouncing inside the mouth,
    Ricocheting front tooth to cheek to rear tooth,
    Echoing over and over inside the rough confines of head's bony sculpture,
    Till the song is ready, the smile bursting to rush out,
    To conquer the world,
    And the gates open,
    And the lips sculpt the colors, the shapes, the shades,
    And it flows...
    Tiny waves undulating like shapeless fish inside the colorless air ocean,
    Invisible wings beating thousand beats per second,
    Carrying the sound sparks,
    Reflections rushing madly between facing mirrors,
    Finding endless distances to conquer, endless ears, endless hearts...

    My lover's food.
    My lover's food, and wine, and music...
    My food.
    My food, and wine, and music...
    When my lover writes a whispered sigh,
    When my lover bends a golden coated word,
    When my lover baths in celestial spelling wonders
    And holds my face in her rhyming spell,
    Drilling into my eyes her eternal vows,
    Roaring into my ears her eternal inaudible laughter,
    Carving into my lips the indelible mark of her loving teeth...

    Rhymes. Chimes.
    Kiss. Bliss.
    You. I. Live. Die.




    Reality. Thousands of miles. Laws, rules.
    Reality. Age, friends, family.
    Reality. The daily, the weekly, eating, sleeping.
    Sleeping in another bed.
    Eating on a far away table. Crying, somebody else wiping your tears.
    Blowing your nose in somebody else's handkerchief.
    The laughter I don't see, the fragrance I don't taste, the blue eyes I don't hear.
    The laughter,
    Your lips parting, your teeth gleaming,
    Your cheeks pulling back allowing small wrinkles to form at your mouth's corners,
    Dimples digging in,
    Shallow wells of sin,
    Bending fore in joy,
    Happy, shy and coy,
    Mouth a deep realm
    Opening its charm,
    Eyes an open book
    With a hungry look,
    Breath a burning flare...
    If I only were...
    The fragrance,
    Your sweat mixing with your tears, with your skin's steam,
    Your undergarments soaked in your sweet feminine smell of life, of passion,
    Rolling little beads,
    Mixed with salty seeds,
    Haze round fingertips,
    Dampness touching lips,
    Artful dancing breast
    In your shirt's hot nest,
    Rose and fleur de lys
    Flavoring your kiss,
    Ankles, wrists, and chin...
    If I could have been...
    The blue eyes,
    Your eyebrows arching up in amazement, in childish wonder,
    Your irises widening like black velvet circles painted on butterfly wings,
    Eyelash batting fast
    Raising golden dust,
    Deafening the sound
    As they drum and bound,
    Moistening the curve
    Of the wild reserve
    Hiding wonders blue,
    Ever shifting hue,
    This enchanting sea...
    If I just could be...

    Reality. The reality that is not there.
    The reality of seeing you, your reflection irreversibly carving itself on my irises,
    The reality of tasting you, your taste irreversibly liquefying my body's insides,
    The reality of hearing you, your voice irreversibly ringing in my memory banks,
    Reality. The reality of smelling you, the reality of touching you.
    The reality of dreaming of you.

    Reality. The reality that is not there.
    That my coal blackened hands are digging,
    That my dirty fingernailed hands are bending,
    That my smarting bloodied hands are forging,
    The reality that will always be there,
    The reality of you.




    Miles and miles of blood red carpet,
    Hundreds of thousands of fragile anemones,
    Hungrily opening their mouths to the sun,
    Swallowing the piercing rays, the lulling heat,
    Lazily rolling in the thin breeze,
    Hiding in their impenetrable midst the reddest of them all,
    The warmest, softest of them all,
    The sweetest,
    Never to be found, never to be picked,
    Never to be distinguished from all those others guarding it with fragile fierceness,
    With envy and adoration.
    Never to be touched.
    Your mouth.

    Never? That's just fine, 'cause I have forever to look for it.
    And then one more day.

    Leagues and leagues of sky blue desert,
    Billions and billions of tiny little drops,
    Childishly playing foaming games under the smiling sun,
    Sparkling in blinding changing colors, living for one single blink of the eye,
    Then for another one,
    Rolling in giant waves and sneaky currents,
    Impudently claiming possession amidst them of the bluest of them all,
    Competing on warmth, on flame, on depth,
    Playing hide and seek and never disclosing the hide out,
    Ready to sacrifice their tiny lives for the queenly beauty,
    For the devastating secret,
    For the door to the sea gods kingdom.
    Never to be seen, never to be discovered,
    Never to be gazed into.
    Your eyes.

    Never? That's just fine, 'cause I have forever to find it.
    And then one more day.

    Raging seas,
    Exploding volcanoes,
    Rumbling god steps upon black lightning whipped clouds,
    Deafening thunder, deafening roar,
    Hiding mid their imposing threatening kingdom the most awesome thunder of them all,
    Ready to mount guard in hell protecting their majestic guest,
    Beating with the oceans, beating with the mountains,
    Beating with the humming forests.
    Never to be ensnared, never to be enslaved,
    Never to be tamed.
    Your heart.

    Never? That's just fine, 'cause I have forever to capture it.
    And then one more day.




    If in hell -
                I'll wait for you,
    If in heaven -
                I'll wait too,
    Yet, if not in mine you'll dwell,
    Be it heaven, be it hell,
    Loud you'll hear my battle cry,
    (If I'm dead, well, I can't die),
    With my nails I'll dig and crawl
    Miles deep ice and fire wall,
    With my teeth I'll rip and peel
    Trunk thick bars all clad in steel,
    To your side to roll and rage,
    Be it gold or fire cage,
    Round your waist my arm to lock...
    Round us armies roar and flock,
    Sent by kings of dark and light
    Angered at these lovers' might,
    Grinning devils, spears and words,
    Angry angels, wings and swords,
    White the heaven, black the hell,
    Rows and rows just swell and swell,
    Hooves a beating, wings a flap,
    At a sign they form a trap,
    Gaining power, fear and might,
    Step to trot, then trot to flight,
    Whisper turns to thunder roll,
    Trickle turns to waterfall,
    And we wait - hands locked round waist,
    Shoulders one, bare chest to chest,
    Eyes ablaze and fear there none,
    We are two, and we are one,
    Facing hordes of holy rabble,
    Whites and blacks who foam and squabble,
    Bent on raving the accused...
    Yet... big boss... He seems bemused,
    Partly angry, partly grinning,
    Weighing loving versus sinning,
    Counting deeds, and counting pain,
    Weighing saint against profane,
    Never fore, since time began,
    For eternity's short span,
    Did He hesitate as such,
    Did He weigh and wait so much,
    Till... just moments fore the hordes
    Were about to swing the swords,
    With His finger He shot down,
    Mixing smile with fearsome frown,
    Freezing angels riding light
    Like a wall of mighty white,
    Freezing devils sunk in grime,
    Opening a breach in time,
    And with... what was that?... a wink?...
    In a timeless endless blink
    Opened up a door unknown
    To His kingdom's very own,
    Leaving hind the screaming raff,
    Did we hear his booming laugh?...
    One more blink, the door is gone,
    Never was, was never born...
    And I looked - your eye I drank,
    In my heart your smile you sank,
    Locked forever -
                Hand in hand,
    In His garden's




    A woman?
    A little girl,
    Lost in a forest of questions,
    Asking so many why's,
    Unable to answer, to accept the answer,
    Wishing to know secrets unknown,
    Wishing to be told the reasons, the mysteries, the magic spell rhymes,
    Wishing to be a little girl,
    Careless of the why's, the how's, the when's...
    The little girl, the woman....

    Water sculptures,
    Shapeless thoughts forming on your eye's inner view,
    Cruising round your mind, down the depth of your heart,
    Knowing certainly that maybe,
    Finding routes leading from everywhere to a wonderful nowhere,
    Weaving day's sun rays into night's absorbing black cloth,
    Seeing shadows of black on black,
    Seeing music of soft on sweet,
    Seeing dreams,
    Careless of time, of place, of reality,
    Seeing the dreams, knowing the desires...

    A spark?
    A super nova,
    Eyes open or eyes shut burning with creation's intensity,
    Spreading wild, consuming,
    Desert in its wake,
    Flowers dressing the desert,
    Colored wings dressing the flowers,
    Long fingers touching the colored wings with thin soft finger tips,
    Carrying a message,
    Carrying a forgotten dream to a sleeping girl,
    Carrying the super nova fire to the girl's forbidden heart's gardens,
    Careless of life, of death, of eternity's nothingness,
    The super nova revelling in its disguise as a spark...


    A hawk?
    A little bird,
    Broken wing hanging limp,
    Leaning to one side, looking with imploring eyes for the final blow,
    Begging, tortured by the inevitability of life,
    Letting me mend its shattered fragile bone
    Pouring layers upon layers of sweet potion upon the bleeding wound,
    Quiet in its pain, silent in its pain,
    Huddling in a corner of my palm,
    Soaking in the warmth, sleeping,
    Waiting for the day when one mighty flap
    Will carry it soaring away,
    Into the sun,




    I offered you a bouquet.
    A poems bouquet.
    You touched it with your eyes,
    Inhaling the verses,
    With pleasure,
    Letting me know that words are your favorite gardens,
    That poems are your favorite flowers,
    In shape, in color, in fragrance,
    Asking for more,
    With a little girl's voice,
    With a little girl's smile,
    With a woman's love.

    And I kept writing,
    Smoothing your eyes' wrinkles with the steam iron of my word,
    Reshaping your body's landscape with the steam hammer of my verse,
    Paving happy moment patches long your rugged life's path with the steam roller of my dreams.



Black On Blue...

    Black on blue.
    Black chiffon veil descending over shiny eyes,
    Invisible thread running long hundreds of indiscernible small squares,
    Parceling the clouded extents of the twin blue lakes into as many fragments,
    Each a different shade of blue,
    Each a different shine and twinkle,
    Each carrying a fragment of the tear shaped drop running away long pale cheeks,
    To a mouth's corner,
    Where you, unknowingly, lick it away.

    Black on red.
    Black chiffon veil descending over hesitating lips,
    Its hundreds of tiny windows hazy with the steamy breath,
    Fluttering softly like autumn leaves caressed in their fall by sliding air fingers,
    Sticking at times to a trembling lower lip,
    Touching it lovingly then hating to part from the wet murmuring flesh,
    Allowing white shiny ivory flashes at times through the haze,
    Salty crystals gathering invisible at mouth's corners,
    Visions of forgotten tunes escaping the forgiving mesh into the frozen sun light,
    When you, ensnared inside a painful dream, pray.

    Black on white.
    Black chiffon, black cotton, black silk, black pearls...
    Covering white flesh, with modesty, with reserve,
    With hidden beauty,
    Rarely allowing an occasional glimpse into the kingdom's secrets,
    Flapping round thin ankles,
    Raising and falling with life's unmistakable signs,
    Stretching round numb constantly changing landscapes,
    Round numb thoughts and frozen mind images,
    Images flickering through the black flapping canvas of memories painted by time,
    Your memories.


    The blue, darker,
    The red, deeper,
    The white, blinding in its reborn innocence.



Morning Eyes...

    I woke up this morning with a terrible desire for you,

    I was rolling your body,
    Round and round and over and over,
    Your hands stretched above your head,
    Your eyes closed, smiling,
    Through bushes, through grass, through rotten autumn leaves,
    Sleepy worms burying their heads hastily out of the way forgetting their fat tails up,
    Grasshoppers jumping out of way desperately trying to tune their one string violins,
    Your hair getting caught in thistles, in fallen branches,
    Squirrels rushing ahead of the rolling path squeaking
    Only to peep later on furtively from behind tree trunks
    While playfully chasing and biting each other's tails,
    Daring at times to jump over your rolling legs then running hurriedly away,
    Until at times - two, five, got caught in the game,
    And I kept rolling you,
    Your skirt skidding from ankle to knee,
    Tiny red scratches adorning your feet,
    Dry leaves sticking to you, and petals imprisoning a buzzing angry bee, and dew,
    Then we reached the end of the hill, and I caught you, and we rolled together,
    I clawed to all your soft parts, you clawed to my back, to my neck,
    Undressing as we were rolling,
    Making love as we were falling,
    And chattering squirrels jumping over us in wild joy,
    Again, and again, and again...

    I went to sleep this evening,
    Nursing smilingly tiny squirrel bites...




    I reached out an imaginary hand.
    You took it,
    You held it in your hand,
    Leading it slowly to your warm breast,
    Letting it linger there imaginary hours,
    Looking at me with round open eyes,
    Asking imaginary questions,
    Listening to imaginary answers,
    Not caring what they were -
    Neither the questions nor the answers,
    Knowing all the answers to any question,
    Reading them again in my eyes, in my face,
    Long seconds, each stretching indefinitely,
    Waiting for the inevitable imaginary kiss,
    Hotter, longer, much bitter than any imaginary reality,
    Each reaching hungrily for life in each other's chest to suck in,
    To swap,
    To merge...
    More real than any reality...

    I walked away,
    Retrieving my imaginary hand,
    Putting an end to the imaginary hours,
    And questions, and answers,
    Ending the imaginary kiss...
    Did it, did it all really end?
    Can an imaginary handhold end?
    Can an imaginary kiss end?
    Or does it hold on to its own imaginary reality,
    Clawing at it with desperate resolve,
    Clutching, biting,
    Till one day, one day it will break reality's fortified gates,
    Weave itself in its fabric,
    And become... reality...




    Cutting through me,
    Tens of them, hundreds of them,
    Some sharp, some blunt, some dented,
    Seeing you walk... so slowly... so painfully...
    Knowing I cannot rush to your side and offer you an arm, a shoulder,
    A life...
    Knowing I must hide while you hold on to another arm,
    To another shoulder,
    Not apologetically but determinedly,
    Proud in your body, in your life, in your torment,
    I look,
    Shamed in knowing I force my presence upon you,
    While you wouldn't want me to see you this way,
    While you would give away a chunk of your life to entertain the image,
    The ideal woman you imagine I carry in my mind,
    The ideal woman I do have in my mind,
    The one I love,
    The ideal woman you are.
    Yes, the ideal woman you are.
    I look,
    I know,
    The more I look the more I know,
    I know you know,
    That it cuts me to pieces and I roll in pain with you,
    That I don't give a damn,
    That I would gladly swap places with you...
    That I would give my life for you,
    The way you would...
    That I love you,
    The way you do...

    Thousands of knives,
    Slicing my skin, ripping my entrails,
    Seeing you then not seeing you again,
    Seeing you for a few seconds,
    Forming a few mute words in the air,
    Blinded by the look of love, of fear, of flowing warmth,
    Blinded by the neck, by the face, the hair, the hand...
    A few seconds, then gone.
    Oh, God, no, not forever,
    My thoughts chasing you, my eyes seeing you,
    Minutes later, hours later,
    A lifetime later?
    O, God, no, not a lifetime later,
    Not a lifetime of memories,
    Of bitter regrets lining sweet memories,
    Of knives sawing through living tissue, through bone,
    Through sanity...
    While wheels roll away,
    And you sit there looking ahead,
    Smiling tears in your eyes reflecting mine,
    And every second pulls you further and further away...

    Reminding me.
    Of you,
    Of a love never born,
    Of a love never to die.

    Meaningless, irrelevant.

    Reminding me.
    Of you.
    Of a love never born.
    Of a love never to die.



Touches, two...

    Touched your nose...
    Fingers long twin riverbed
    Depths of which floods often bled
    Flowing down a timid red
    Gentle rose...

    Touched your shoulder...
    Fingers long twin falling straps,
    Mountain proud its tip unwraps
    As the hand its contour maps,
    Fires smolder...

    Touched your hip...
    Fingers long twin falling lines
    Long forbidden serpentines
    Way where love with life entwines,
    Dreamland deep...

    Touched your soul...
    Fingers long twin whispered vows
    Welding hearts - a promise ploughs,
    Yesterdays, tomorrows, nows,
    Two and whole...




    I've met so many little girls,
    Eyes topaz and gold in curls,
    Never once a girl I've seen
    Yearning for a sky in green
    And in pearls...

    I've met so many girls along
    Soft and tender, rough and strong,
    Never met that special one
    Blending stars to moon to sun
    To a song...

    I've met so many for a while,
    Sweet of eye and sharp of style,
    Never one was selling whole
    Life and body, heart and soul
    For a smile...

    Spring has passed,
    And summer's flown,
    Autumn's here,
    I'm still alone,
    Yet before harsh winter knocks
    And my port forever docks,
    All I wish
    Is meet the girl
    Yearning skies in green and pearl,
    All I wish
    Is run along
    While she blends all life in song,
    All I wish
    Is dying while
    Life she feeds me, for a smile...