Hobbies - Poetry - Anonymous
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Symbiosis...

    Nestling against me like a thick layer of melting ice cream,
    Soft, sticky, sweet,
    Binding me in thin crystalline fibers
    So beautiful, intricate,
    Fragile.

    Grazing against me like a wars wary steel brushes colony,
    Rough, coarse, abrasive,
    Biting through my skin into my blood
    So bitterly, demanding,
    Frightened.

    Pouring all over me like road ready black bubbling tar,
    Hot, steamy, consuming,
    Peeling off layers of the disturbing cage
    Hiding the heart, touching,
    Afraid to kill.

    Cutting right through me like a well oiled well balanced harpoon,
    Sharp, powerful, deadly,
    Cutting off the spine in two
    Unwillingly, trying to mend,
    Hopelessly.

    Lifting me up like an army of wingless sightless butterflies
    Eager in their thirst for the colors of the setting yawning sun,
    Enveloping me like a rain of stemless scentless petals
    Eager in their hunger for the fire of the rising singing sun,
    Hiding me in transparencies like a memory of soundless rhymeless melodies
    Eager in their desire to praise the pouring passion of the scorching engulfing sun.

    Loving me,
    Like a wingless, sightless butterfly,
    Like a stemless, scentless petal,
    Like a soundless, rhymeless melody,
    Mistaking me for the sun,
    I, but a man...

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I Feel You...

    I feel you, woman,
    I feel you the way you felt your child burst into this world
    Ripping your insides,
    Tearing your outer shell with involuntary need
    Forcing its way into the world its scream mixing with yours,
    Terrible pain, terrible love, so close to death and so close to heaven,
    Is pain, love, death, heaven... one?

    I feel you, woman,
    I feel you the way you felt your child looking at this world through your eyes
    Clutching desperately at your breast in insatiable hunger,
    Your nipples hurting
    With boiling tears in your eyes witnessing your joy not your hurt,
    Terrible pain, terrible love, such raging life and such raging hunger,
    Is pain, love, life, hunger... one?

    I feel you, woman,
    I feel you the way you felt your child grasping a lock of your hair
    Searching for your protection,
    Pulling savagely
    Its primitive fear calmed only by the loud thunder inside your chest,
    Terrible pain, terrible love, awesome need and awesome urge,
    Is pain, love, need, urge... one?

    I feel you, woman,
    I feel you the way I feel my child,
    Pain, love, death, heaven, life, hunger, need, urge...
    Lay in my arms, woman, softly go to sleep,
    Safe, secure, serene,
    You are safe in my arms, woman,
    Like your child was in yours,
    Like my child in mine.

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The Bananas Republic Kitsch...

    I don't care if noble critics
    Streaming out respected schools
    Do decide my humble lyrics
    Break much sacred lofty rules,
    True, they own the wooden dollars
    Thus they think they own the art
    Knowing not the cruel pleasures
    Tied to owning woman's heart.

    If my modest storytelling,
    So they think, is worthless waste,
    And they skip my fameless calling
    In a mindless skimming haste,
    True, they own the blinding spotlight
    Thus they think they own the muse
    Never owning lust as, wildly,
    Crumbles woman's last refuse.

    Yes, my words I dip in honey
    Or I dress in angry thorn
    As they mark with sharpened pencils
    Their deep disgusted scorn,
    True, they own the shallow glory
    Thus they think they own control,
    Pitiful, they'll never conquer
    Depths unknown of woman's soul.

    With my humble crazy lyrics,
    With my modest story tell,
    With my angry thorn or honey
    Painting heaven, painting hell,
    I'm a fearful conquistador,
    What you think... don't give a damn,
    I will praise my woman's glory -
    I love you. All else is spam.

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Visions Four...

    Night.
    Comfortable darkness surrounds me.
    I close my eyes allowing myself perfect vision,
    Penetrating.

    I float around seeing, unseen,
    Lifting corners of walls and peeking into houses -
    Laughter, blinking lights, crystal clinking in well wishing toasts,
    Hugs, kisses...
    I float around, house after house, table after table,
    World after world...
    Wait! I shout suddenly,
    As unexpectedly my heart storms out of chest
    Splashes against a concrete wall and tries desperately to cling to it,
    To break through it
    Veins whipping wildly
    Blood spluttering like rivers gone berserk,
    Wait! I shout,
    Wait... I whisper,
    Wait, I think, as my mind takes control
    And calms its beat, slows its rush, lets it return to its protected cage
    Where it lays down in wait again,
    Undisturbed sleep slowly re-conquering its hidden recesses,
    Knowing, believing,
    Trusting...

    My eyes have seen it too,
    The shy, secret, misread smile,
    As she has seen unseen me
    And that unspoken promise flowed from her lips to my blind eyes
    Where all could see
    But none could find,
    And none could guess
    And none could know,
    None... but my heart...

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Nobodies...

    Nobody needs you more than I do. Nobody.
    Nobody gets as little of you as I do. Nobody.
    Nobody asks less of you than I do.
    Nobody.

    While the days crawl to the ocean
    Like a poisoned lazy potion
    Sinking dregs of wild desire
    In the sun to sunset mire,
    While the buzz of life is churning
    Like a biting fire burning
    Forests sown wild craving wishes
    Off the face of crummy dishes,
    While the nights limp into nether
    Like a yarn of dying heather
    Scented wild demented passion
    Crumbling lights to hellish ashen...

    Nobody has more of you than I do.
    Nobody.

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As You Lay...

    As you lay in blinding sunshine
    Shreds of cloth hugging your thighs
    Helpless witnesses to passion
    Burning paths through heaven's vice,
    Mangled ribbons laced with satin
    Shapeless bundles rolling 'way
    From a pallid breast's surrender
    To a hungry mouth of prey...

    As you lay on pebbles mattress
    Fangs of stone branding your back
    And with thousand rugged edges
    Yielding flesh to pieces hack,
    Depths of chest a storm arising
    Gaping mouth a song of screams
    Body trashing as the fire
    Through the veins demented streams...

    As you lay in naked glory
    Glowing softly eye to bone
    Fingers soft as rose's petals
    Crushing fingers hard as stone,
    Wounded lips asking forgiveness
    For one whisper gone astray
    Riding wings of thunder rolling
    Lonely word... lone whisper... Stay!...

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Masterpiece...

    I bought a bouquet of flowers,
    I tried to make a drawing of love with flowers,
    There were not enough flowers in my bouquet.

    I started pulling off the petals,
    One by one, slowly,
    First the red, then the red, then the rest of the red ones,
    I tried to make a drawing of love with petals,
    There were many more petals than flowers,
    There were not enough petals in my flowers.

    I added the leaves, the stems,
    The curly wrapping ribbon,
    I cut the colored wrapping paper to pieces and added it to the pile,
    I tried to make a drawing of love with all of them,
    There were not enough petals, leaves, ribbons, shreds of colored paper,
    Then the wind came and tore away most of the petals,
    And the paper, and leaves,
    I felt like crying.

    I cut open my chest,
    I tried to make a drawing of love with blood drops,
    There were many blood drops in my chest,
    More than petals, more than flowers, more than bouquets,
    I think I saw it taking shape, form, color,
    So many colors competing with each other... red, and red, and red,
    I rushed away and bought more bouquets, more flowers, more petals,
    The drops falling and completing the drawing as I stumbled,
    The wind strewing my freshly acquired treasures into my creation,
    I saw the drawing of love getting stronger, thicker, starting to move,
    To dance...
    As paleness was getting hold of my face, of my lips, of my chest...
    It was a masterpiece, a monument,
    The sun gliding into it as into a newly found horizon,
    Birds nesting around it as into a rhymes laden poem,
    Waves crushing against it as into an unborn spring day,
    I gloated while I slid to the ground,
    The last touches to my work of art
    My last drops splashing mutely into their brothers...
    While my eyes closed and I couldn't see it, as it came to life
    I died...

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Gold...

    You cut your hair short...
    That golden cascade thundering down to your shoulders,
    Thousands of golden streams
    Undulating in the slightest breeze,
    At the slightest nod of your head,
    Rolling in conquering embrace time and again
    Once your head rolls slightly on your pillow,
    Gleams, hidden in the dark,
    Blinding in the sun,
    Gold,
    You cut your hair short...

    A golden crop
    Mindlessly swept off the floor
    Into the mindless final darkness of a garbage can,
    Awaiting oblivion in the mouth of a mindless hot furnace,
    Threads of you,
    Lost to the world,
    Lost to me.

    You cut your hair short,
    And gold wildly sparkles in your eyes...

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Tunes Seven...

    You'll never know how much,
    You know?
    You'll never know how much...
    You'll never guess how wild,
    You know?
    You'll never guess how wild...
    I'll never know the touch,
    I know,
    I'll never know the touch...
    I'll never guess you smiled,
    I know,
    I'll never guess... you smiled?

    *

    Slowly turns,
    The morn to evening as my reason
    Slowly burns,
    Slowly scorns
    The world of wisdom as my heartbeat
    Slowly mourns,
    Slowly wakes
    My hot desire as my daydream
    Slowly breaks,
    Slowly flies
    The thought through deserts as the stardust
    Slowly dies...

    *

    Am I a king
    And you my queen,
    Or a pathetic harlequin?

    Is this a star
    Your evermore,
    Or just a lost and empty shore?

    Did countless words
    Light up your sun,
    Or slowly died till there was none?

    Is it today
    You come my nest,
    Or time has come to rip my chest?

    *

    Not a woman, but the woman,
    Not a lady, but the one,
    Not some girl, the one and only,
    Not a spark, the mighty sun,

    Through the night - the guiding starlight,
    Through the day - the guiding brawn,
    Through the year - the guiding wisdom
    Trough the life - the guiding dawn,

    When my hand she's gently holding,
    When my brow she'll gently touch,
    When my tear she's gently wiping,
    When my heart she'll gently clutch,

    I will lay my head on bosom,
    I will hear the heartbeat sing,
    I will close my eye in wonder,
    I will live eternal spring.

    *

    You asked me - it's my body?
    You asked me - it's my youth?
    You asked me - it's my fire
    Which burns from top to root?

    You asked me - it's my promise?
    You asked me - it's my charm?
    You asked me - it's my magic
    Which keeps away all harm?

    You asked me - it's my laughter?
    You asked me - it's my gold?
    You asked me - it's my passion
    Which breathes new life in old?

    You asked me - it's my courage?
    You asked me - it's my soul?
    You asked me - it's my power
    Which melts the northern pole?

    I answered - not your body.
    I answered - not your youth.
    I answered - not your fire
    Which burns from top to root.

    I answered - not your promise.
    I answered - not your charm.
    I answered - not your magic
    Which keeps away all harm.

    I answered - not your laughter.
    I answered - not your gold.
    I answered - not your passion
    Which breathes new life in old.

    I answered - not your courage.
    I answered - not your soul.
    I answered - not your power
    Which melts the northern pole.

    I answered - you're mistaken.
    I answered - all is true.
    I answered - all I want is
    Just one. And only. You!

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Dreaming Of...

    I moved my fingertips along your bare, bony spine,
    Slowly, softly, slowly,
    Your skin the smoothness of silk strewn with coarse grains of salt,
    Responding to the urge, skinning my fingertips,
    Your eyelids closed,
    Your eyes fluttering underneath
    Dreaming of smooth skin strewn coarse grains of salt
    Prey to demanding fingertips...

    I took you in my arms, one sweeping move,
    Softly, carefully, softly,
    You weighed less than an armful of dry leaves on a dry autumn day,
    No rustle, barely the breeze of your breath,
    Your eyelids closed,
    Your eyes fluttering underneath
    Dreaming of dry autumn leaves on a dry autumn day
    Gently swaying in the wind...

    I rolled your body in a huge, thick towel,
    Carefully, painstakingly, carefully,
    The grace of your shapes lost in the imprisoning folds clinging to every round corner,
    Your fingers searching for the anchor of my hand,
    Your eyelids closed,
    Your eyes fluttering underneath
    Dreaming of the soft prison of my hand
    Acting anchor to the roundness of your shapes...

    I painted your toenail pink, one toenail,
    Painstakingly, slowly, painstakingly,
    Feeling like Michelangelo putting the last touches to the creation scene
    On the ceiling of the Cappella Sistina, making sure it is perfect, absolute,
    Your eyelids closed,
    Your eyes fluttering underneath
    Dreaming of a bed of roses
    Under the heavenly Cappella Sistina skies...

    Dreaming?
    Does a masterpiece dream?

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Virgin...

    Beauty, beauty, beauty wild...
            Book a thousand pages deep
            Shed your letters down a heap
            Like a virgin white of body
            From a past all crude and shoddy
            Shamelessly your thousand pages
            Open to my rhyming rages
            Your lost secrets let me fire
            With a spark of burning lyre
            Your tomorrows' chapters' story
            Let me fill with dreamers' glory
            Your desires' hidden thunder
            Let me touch then let me plunder
            And before the day has passed
            I'll rewrite this chapter... last...
    Beauty, beauty, beauty wild
    Be my love then be my child...

    Tender, tender, tender art...
            Sky of endless silken thread
            Shed your stars like molten lead
            Like a virgin's naked offer
            Lost the depths of rotten coffer
            Hungrily your endless haven
            With my passion make be graven
            Your horizons let me kindle
            Sun's old heritage to swindle
            Your abysmal purgatory
            Let me turn a dazzling quarry
            Your desires fierce and savage
            Let me rape then let me ravage
            And before the night is done
            I'll remaster skies... and sun...
    Tender, tender, tender art...
    Be my love then rive my heart...

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Ignoramus...

    You told me the world is round.
    I smiled, I knew you were joking.
    I mean - everybody knows the world is flat,
    Proven even by Columbus,
    He wanted to go to India and reached America, didn't he?
    What more proof is needed?
    It is flat,
    Carried by four huge elephants,
    Standing atop a huge turtle...
    I just keep wondering - what is the turtle standing atop of?...

    You told me the earth rotates around the sun,
    Ha, you almost got me laughing again there,
    You are funny, you know?
    We both know and everybody else does
    That the sun rises in the east and sets in the west
    So clearly proving the fact it rotates around the earth,
    Just imagine the earth rotating -
    The elephants would fall off from atop the turtle,
    Isn't it clear?
    (I still wonder what is this turtle standing on...)

    You told me the stars are all little suns
    When all the newspapers write about the cold nights,
    This time you really got me rolling with laughter,
    One of the greatest jokes I ever heard,
    Wait till I tell it to my colleagues,
    It is a known fact these are all Russian spy cameras
    Taking flash pictures of our secrets,
    If they were all suns it would be so hot
    That the elephants would run away
    And the earth would fall on the turtle's back,
    Maybe even breaking...
    (Could it be that the turtle is flying?)

    You told me you love me.
    You got me there,
    I think I am missing something,
    Ain't I?
    (I think I will stop thinking about turtles for a while...)

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Nevers...

    I never waltzed with you, I never will,
    That artful skill
    Of ballroom drill,
    That gentle grip,
    That swaying hip,
    That fingers' clasp,
    That breathless gasp
    As round and round
    On sparkling sound
    Through dazzling shapes
    Your mind escapes,
    Your giving breast
    Against my chest,
    Your promise warm
    Against my storm,
    Your eyewink's bait
    Against my wait...
    I never did, I never will,
    And master time's sandglass will fill
    And now's too late.

    I never asked the question, never will,
    That awkward feel
    Of world unreal,
    That soft regard,
    That clumsy bard,
    That pleading word,
    That frightened bird
    As whispers freeze
    On silent breeze
    Through misty eyes
    Your rapture flies,
    Your hand to rest
    Against my chest,
    Your bliss to form
    Against my storm,
    Your 'yes' to mate
    Against my wait...
    I never did, I never will,
    And master time's unflinching chill
    My dream will bate.

    I never touched you first, I never will,
    That mighty thrill
    From head to heel,
    That tender sigh,
    That first time cry,
    That loving knife,
    That budding life
    As bodies blend
    On dreams no end
    Through streaming light
    Your soul's delight,
    Your heartbeat's nest
    Against my chest,
    Your smiles' thick swarm
    Against my storm,
    Your blissful fate
    Against my wait...
    I never did, I never will,
    And master time has made his kill
    And closed the gate.

    Yet, I know, the day will come
    Master time one single crumb
    Will drop mindlessly my way,
    Wild and stray,
    In my fist I'll grow the seed
    Be it flower be it weed,
    Till the stem will grow to trunk,
    Wild and drunk,
    In its shade to carve a dwell,
    Cutting thirst to never quell,
    Bleeding hands to build a floor,
    Wild and sore,
    From your cage of golden dust
    With a roar of raging lust
    You to ravish and to rob,
    Wild the sob,
    In my arms like lost a child
    Spellbound, smiling and beguiled
    We will dance the waltz at last,
    Wild the blast,
    I will ask the question - 'You?...'
    You will answer - 'Yes I do...'
    We will touch and we will burn,
    Wild the yearn...

    Morning come, the dawning rust
    Turns the crumb to fading dust,
    Slowly locks a golden cage,
    Slowly dies an early rage,
    In my seed, my trunk, my dwell
    I will shed my angry shell,
    Roll myself in sheets of night,
    Fading reason, fading light,
    In my dreamless nowhere grime
    Waiting for next waking chime...
    Crumb of time...

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Senses...

    Your skin caressed my fingertips,
    You moved it slowly,
    Testing each fingerprint line,
    Each circle,
    Reopening each tiny scar and tasting the blood rivulets,
    Testing the strength of each fingernail,
    Of each finger,
    Of the palm as it cupped handfuls of skin and tried to break its surface...

    Your body curves regarded my eyesight,
    You undressed it slowly,
    Watching the irises contracting as the whiteness hit them
    Moving the soft shapes in and out the eyes field of vision
    All the time watching the flurry of the eyelids,
    Tasting the salt traces purging the depths of the dark lakes
    And flowing down the stained cheeks
    Till they hit the sizzling heights of the strawberry tipped mounds of flesh...

    Your sighs listened to my hearing,
    You moaned slowly,
    Softly,
    Listening to the eardrums straining in their effort to catch up with the chimes,
    Trying their sensitivity to tiny convulsions of tongue,
    Of throaty purrs,
    Playing with their imagination and watching intently my body reacting,
    Tiny sounds, words, single notes,
    Straining to hear if the random events cumulate to one single glorious melody...

    Your body cells absorbing my effort to sense you,
    Absorbing my nostrils' widening move,
    Tickling the tiny hair roots with devastating fragrances
    Scenting their abandon to a despairing need,
    A search for the overwhelming evidence of lust
    Driving the absorbing cells into a frenzy of stretching, squirming, yawning,
    You released your scents slowly,
    Guarding the secret,
    Knowing to blend the flowers with the sweat with the setting sun...

    Your salty skin tasting my lips, my mouth, my tongue,
    Your sweat pouring slowly,
    Comparing the taste of my mouth to the taste of your sweetness
    As earlier eaten cherries transpired into the world through tiny water drops
    And landed on my upper lip,
    Slowly running down into my mouth and taking short sips,
    Mixing my mouth's flavours with yours
    And ensuring the composition is sweet as no honey can ever be...

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Arithmetic Of Life...

    Counting down.
    Another day.
    Only x minus one days left.
    Yesterday it was still x.
    And the day before even more,
    Many days before I didn't care at all,
    I didn't count.
    Now I count.

    If I lived on another planet I might have had more days left,
    But there is no life on another planet,
    And the time would have been the same
    Only the counting units different.
    Do you think there is life on another planet?

    Do you think there is life on our planet,
    Our star?
    Is there anyone on our star except the two of us?
    No, there is not.
    No one, no life, no night.
    Not us.
    Not there.
    Counting the days left,
    Both of us together.

    I know you know.
    I know you know I don't count my life,
    Left to live, left to breathe...
    No one knows, you do,
    I know you know.
    Because I am not alive yet.
    I am not born. I count the days to my birth.

    When I conquer our planet,
    When I conquer our star,
    When I prove there is life on other planets,
    When I create life on our planet.
    Our star.

    There is.
    My life.
    Born through you.
    I am counting.

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Rhyming...

    I like the music of the rhyme,
    The chiming notes that passing time
    Is trying hard to sweep and clean
    Into its endless purging bin
            With aging slime.

    I am aware there's end to words
    That flock like frightened puny herds
    In clusters... one to maybe ten
    You use them once, then use again,
            Like chirping birds,

    Yet, there is too an end to notes,
    On do to si the music gloats
    Sublime till mean - its power soars
    Enforcing peace and driving wars,
            If larks if goats.

    So when one claims that age has gone
    With Shakespeare, Whitman, Frost, and on,
    Just think that Bach and Strauss flank
    An Elvis, Beatles, blue eyes Frank,
            Who hearts have won.

    So let me stick to ways of rhyme
    And chant my lover's love sublime -
    She's songs and life... a potpourri,
    (And any other way would be
            Abhorrent crime :)

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Quiet...

    Quiet.
    Like the aftermath of a shot in the desert.
    This huge, awesome noise you just lived through
    Reverberating with thousand echoes inside your skull
    Like in a huge empty cave,
    This magnificent rumble riding the powers of creation
    And challenging gods in all its insignificant puniness
    With its terrifying zest for life...
    Then quiet.
    Absolute quiet.

    And one looks down at one's bleeding belly,
    Understanding.
    The bullet passed right through,
    Playing god angers gods
    And fire passes right through, cutting, smashing,
    Crippling...
    And all that is left is agony
    Dressed in terrible immortality...

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Healers...

    I know the feeling,
    I recognize its shape, its vigor,
    I don't recognize its duration.

    Is time the healer?
    I know death is master healer, is time death's best apprentice?

    Words are obsolete,
    Words are no healer,
    Words can paint masterpieces for the unseeing eyes of blind people,
    Create illusionary worlds for the smiling eyes of dreamers,
    Plant seeds of hope inside desperation's desert...
    Words are no healer.

    Music is art,
    Music is no healer,
    Music is the canvas to bodies moving in sensual abandon,
    The universal language to ears of alien birthright and creed,
    A harmony between beating clocks and beating hearts,
    Music is no healer.

    Trust is passion,
    Trust is no healer,
    Trust is blindness born out of desire and need,
    Son to king heart and daughter to queen love
    Smashing its crystal crown against the steel gates of raging reality,
    Trust is no healer.

    Pain.
    I know the feeling,
    I recognize its shape, its vigor,
    I don't recognize its duration.

    I need the words to paint my eyes,
    Illusions be my dream's disguise,
    Inside my desert seeding hope
    As bleeding senses blindly grope...

    I need the music's canvas bed,
    While ears to ears forever wed,
    And beating clock joins beating heart
    As bleeding senses blend with art...

    I need the trust, desire's child,
    A burning love, a heart beguiled,
    A crystal crown to dare the steel
    As bleeding senses healing will...

    The pain. If words, if music, trust
    May heal the pain to fading dust...
    And if there's none... there still be time...
    Or last... the master... death's sweet chime.

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Let There Be Light!...

    Let there be light!... his whisper thundered,
    And darkness bear yet unborn sin,
    Let there be life!... his thunder whispered,
    And death be life's eternal twin.

    Let there be light!... her whisper caressed,
    And darkness bear my unborn dream,
    Let there be life!... her caress whispered,
    And death fear life's unyielding stream.

    Let there be man!... his whisper thundered,
    With blood, with sweat his bread to eat,
    Let there be woman!... his thunder whispered,
    With sweat, with pain each day to meet.

    Let there be man!... her whisper caressed,
    His blood I'll care, his sweat I'll dry,
    Let there be woman!... her caress whispered,
    To share his toils till I shall die.

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The Things I Miss, The Things I Miss...

    The little things, like brushing teeth,
    Like slapping sounds of running feet
    Across the barren cold tiles floor
    Dispensing kisses at the door...

    The little things, like catching flu,
    Like drying mud on one left shoe
    After a stroll across the park
    And rushing home before the dark...

    The tiger wild clawing me wreck
    Then kitty soft licking my neck,
    The elbow stuck into my side
    And gentle snore turning to tide...

    The morning feast of three fried eggs,
    The female rite of shaving legs,
    The shiny eyes when movies old
    Squeeze tight a heart of liquid gold...

    The intimate and gentle pat
    As rounded curves against me splat,
    The "...bye, I'm late", the hasty kiss,
    The things I miss, the things I miss...

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Message...

    Sitting in front of an empty sheet of paper,
    Head leaning on left hand's heel,
    Eyes closed,
    Following the scenery rushing madly in front of my mind
    In a vain effort to decipher the coded message written in there,
    Message? White noise? Forgotten desires?...
    Soft music in the background,
    An oldie's station,
    Once I was dancing to these sounds
    Changing partners, changing allegiances,
    Depth of reason masked by shallowness of youthful craves
    Mistakenly understood as flaring romance,
    I see shapes in the message,
    Changing faces, sharp movements, laughter,
    Do I recognize you, others,
    I cringe in fear, are these reality's sons or tired imagination's daughters,
    Passionate laughter or only a TV blindly blaring in the background
    Mocking my humanity with its electronic superiority,
    Is there dance in the message?
    A dog's ear tickles my big toe,
    Asleep close to my leg, running in his sleep, chasing the bad guys
    Or chasing the good bitches,
    I caress his wet nose absent mindedly,
    I see caresses in the message,
    Hands following shapes, shapes giving in to hands,
    Shapes merging with shapes merging with shapes merging with shapes,
    Do I recognize you, others,
    Do I see past events through a malevolent warp in time
    Or formless smears on the fabric of my mind
    Painted there by my malign heart,
    Is there caress in the message?
    A chocolate tablet melts in my mouth
    Oozing its brown velvet like the kiss of a black beautiful maiden
    Around my tongue, dripping from the corner of my mouth
    Staining indecently the white immaculate paper with an irregular splash shape,
    A mixture of forgotten and unknown kiss tastes invades my senses
    Wrecking havoc in the lands of my serenity
    And playing shadows of touching mouths
    On the fluttering screens of my eyelids,
    Shadows, whose shadows,
    Do I recognize you, others,
    Are these shadows or falling leaves from last year's autumn
    Finally finding their way home to earth,
    Is there kiss in the message?

    Sitting in front of a dark sheet of paper,
    Black with words upon words upon words,
    Forehead in the nook of my bent arm,
    Eyes closed,
    Deciphering the message as the scenery never rests,
    Finding the answers, one answer,
    All the answers...
    Dance, there is only dance in the message,
    The dance I never had while rolling and reeling and holding,
    While listening to the smooth sounds oiling my inner workings
    And thinking I am...
    Caress, there is only caress in the message,
    The caress I never had while hands were touching,
    While bodies quashed their passions in a sea of quiet sweat
    And thinking I am...
    Kiss, there is only kiss in the message,
    The kiss I never had while lips pressed to lips,
    While looking for the softness of the abandon in the reality of the knowledge
    And thinking I am...
    Dance, much dance, and tender caresses, and burning kisses
    Swooping down on my mind like a falcon's sharp descent
    And forcing me to open my eyes, to see the message,
    To absorb its sudden crystal clear meaning cutting sharply through my brain
    And impaling my senses on the sharp end of final realization -
    There is love there, senseless, meaningless, bottomless love,
    In her dance,
    In her caress,
    In the scorching wildness of her killing kiss,
    In the cipher of her message...

    She smiles...
    About time you understand, she says,
    And she smiles...

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Holy Cheat...

    (Somewhere up Olympus' top
    There's a school for godly flop,
    Those who fail the entry test
    [Top positions go to best]
    Get a second chance, although
    It's for lower jobs, you know,
    Jobs like 'God Of Fallen Trees',
    'God Of Stones' or 'God Of Cheese',
    'Goddess Of The Income Tax',
    Or the worst - the 'God Of Lax',
    That's where our story goes
    With one teacher's painful throes
    Helping such a mishap case
    Join the masters of all race,
    You know 'zilla'? yes, the 'god',
    He's the one who brought in toad,
    Recommended [he claims] high
    From Palermo to Shanghai,
    Now it's lesson forty six,
    Toad still doesn't get the tricks,
    And his teacher's present feat
    Is to teach him 'Holy Cheat'.)

    Shall we start with number one?
    Number one?
    Of course. The sun
    Who his sweetheart day has wed
    Yet with night he goes to bed...

    Number two...
    There's two?
    Of course,
    And it's getting mighty worse,
    Number two - the sea...
    What sea?
    Red, or Black, or Galilee,
    While their bed they share with creep
    It's up shores they daily leap...

    Oh, I get it...
    No, you don't,
    Number three - who's there up front?
    Ah, I see, the hurricane
    With his trendy flying mane
    Though he's wearing cyclone's crown,
    Shapely trees he's knocking down...

    Number four... that human chap...
    Chap? What chap? What is this crap?
    Hey there, master, wait a sec,
    You just talk like me...

    What heck?...
    Listen here you momless son,
    I'm the one and only one
    That can joke and curse here, see,
    Jury, judge, and referee.
    So shuddup and listen on
    Or you won't get that bonbon.

    Number five - the lava stream
    Claims to love her husband's steam,
    Yet when hubby, Vulcan, he
    Coughs his stinking black debris
    She, hot lady, plays her tricks,
    All the shapes around she licks...

    Master...
    What?
    May I?... I may?...
    Stop your stutter piece of clay,
    Speak your mind cuz, far 's I know
    Grown up you will never grow...
    Oh, my goodness, even I
    Stutter like I'm 'bout to die...
    Youíre my punishment, my chore...
    Master...
    Yes!
    You've missed the 'four'...

    Grrrr... (and) Grrrr... (then) Grrrr (again)
    (Master teacher grrrr's in pain,
    Why of all the candidates
    Knocking at his skyline's gates
    He received this losing blimp
    Wishy washy yellow wimp
    Who will never graduate
    At the present teaching rate
    From his present state of toad
    To a goddess, or a god...
    But, on other hand, who cares,
    Health insurance's good, and there's
    This forgotten piece of cloud
    Where the thunder's not so loud
    And when due for pension time
    He will get for twenty dime...)

    Number four - the snow.
    What snow?
    Snow, like white, like cold... you know...
    Oh, the one in that small box?...
    You know what? You are an ox!
    For a god of second rang
    Mastering the Yin and Yang,
    You're as dumb as my left shoe,
    What in skies I'll do with you,
    You spent too much time on earth,
    Oh, my heavens, does that hurt...
    Where's my pill?... Oh, Higher One,
    Why did I deserve this one?
    OK, let's just study on,
    Could you move two mountains yon?...
    Snow... the white, the clean, the pure,
    Winter's woman, yet demure
    Her soft curves she wraps around
    Every sticking shape or mound.

    Number five...
    Hey master...
    Yes?...
    Let me see if I can guess,
    Number five that human chap...

    What? Again? I need my nap...
    We should be at number six
    Talking about long legged chicks,
    About boobs without the traps,
    About hair that flips and flaps...
    Master dear...
    Yes, piece of hell...
    I don't think you feel too well,
    Cuz, you see, that boobies things,
    And the hair, and legs - not wings,
    Is the humans' hellish load,
    You a master, I a toad
    Know that our share's the best...

    Listen here you dumbness' nest,

    There's a woman,
    What a woman,
    She's a flower
    Springtime's shower,
    Mouth a prison
    Cherry risen,
    Laughter fountain
    From a mountain,
    Ears two seashells,
    Eyes twin bluebells,
    Breasts soft skyline
    Round a sunshine,
    Body narrow
    Shapely sparrow,
    Joy unending
    Sorrows mending,
    In her foot wake
    Buds to life break,
    At her calling
    Blue stars falling,
    In her shadow
    Golden meadow,
    In her heart, oh, in her heart,
    Wish I was that silver dart...

    Allo, master... Pronto... Home?
    What's this nonsense up your dome
    When you've taught me from the start
    Not to trust their cheatin' heart,
    Goddess snow, and goddess sea,
    Godly sun, and godly... me :)
    Hey, I'll get there, that you know
    You're too good a teacher... though
    Tell me truly - would be worth
    Swap eternity with... dirt?

    Listen toad, and if you quote
    What I say - in hell you rot!!!
    For one kiss, one moment's fear,
    For one woman's touch, one tear
    My eternity I'd sell
    And with you I'd rot in hell.

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Till We Meet Again...

    Your toe in my mouth,
    My north to your south,
    The bed sheet in tatters a world war away,
    I begged you to come, you prayed me to stay,
    As through tears, and through blood, and blinding hot pain
    We clash, then again...
    Then again...
    Then again...

    Your nail in my chest,
    My mouth to your breast,
    The silk torn to ribbons three eons ago,
    I knew I should stay, you knew I should go,
    As mindless of guilt, and of shame, and of pride
    We madly collide...
    Then collide...
    Then collide...

    Your hand in my fist,
    My mind clears the beast,
    The bones smashed to slivers for evers to come,
    From madness to reason two bodies succumb,
    As ravenous hunger cleaves slices of heart
    We hush and we part...
    Then we part...
    Then we part...

    *

    As night through the shadows drags slices of time,
    Hind eyelids... ripe fires sweet memories mime,
    Hot smoldering visions count heartbeats aloud,
    Wild raving desire waits curled in its shroud,
    Misleading the quiet, the storm building up
    The last drop of passion is flooding the cup...
    It's time... yes, again, heaven's hell we descend.
    We clash. We collide. And we burn. Till no end.

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Riddle...

    Fierce, like a wet winged butterfly fighting its way out of the shell,
    Tearing at the smothering fabric,
    Curled antennae tasting the first touches of freedom,
    Miniature claws shedding soiled remnants
    Eternally forgotten under the devastating dazzle
    Of its newly born spread wings...

    Ferocious, like a week old puppy opening bleary eyes,
    Stumbling on disoriented legs while discovering a proud tail end
    And with a growl wisely disguised into a squeal
    Chasing it into oblivion... till tired,
    It curls around mom's heavy tits and with needle sharp teeth
    Squirts sweet warm milk into a hungry miniature belly...

    Gentle, like the bubbling music of a volcano's crater,
    Melted metal pouring along wavering serpentines down valleys
    Lost in soft morning mist strewn with beautiful glinting sparks,
    It's murmur blending with the symphony of crackling wood
    Alive with red flame running through thick branches
    And singing a hymn to thunder and ashes and raining rocks...

    Tender, like a tigress licking her cubs' eyes,
    Stripes of yellow and black elegantly dressing her superb body,
    Sabre sharp fangs catching the fragile living bundle of fur with watchmaker's precision
    And letting it down to crawl unmolested between protective sleeping claws
    Deeply sunk in their muscled retreat
    Dreaming restlessly about sudden fulgurating irreversible death...

    Woman.

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Hunger...

    For a glimpse
    Of those hungry eyes
    Veiled with the fragile curtain
    Of thin silver pain
    Mixed with pulsating golden lust...

    For a sound
    From those hungry lips
    Mute under the impenetrable barrier
    Of burly oppressing ache
    Entwined with steely unbreakable desire chains...

    For a touch
    By that hungry body
    Guarded with the fierce courage
    Of past fading needs
    At war with devastatingly consuming passion...

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Moments After...

    When your head crushes the pillow
    Leaving smears of lipstick pink
    And the bluebell hidden iris
    Under eyelid seems to wink,
    When your fist crumples the bed sheet
    Tearing clumps of linen white
    And the sharp ivory necklace
    Through your lips smiles blinding bright,
    When your breast breaks through the fabric
    Proudly stabbing nipple red
    And the paleness of your belly
    Autumn whispers seems to shed,

    When you sleep, your sweet abandon
    To the gods of love undone
    And your sighs my heart to ribbons
    Cut and strew under the sun...

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Absolutes...

    There is only one way to say I love you,
    You said.
    I love you.

    There is only one way to love you,
    I said.
    Absolutely, completely, totally.

    Hey,
    You said.
    You said there is only one way to love me.

    Right,
    I said.
    There is only one way to love you.
    There is no way to say it.

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Desert Legend...

    She opened her palm,
    There was a pearl there,
    Pink, with stains of white,
    Almost perfectly round.
    Did it grow there?

    Did it grow there? I asked her.
    Yes, you can have it, she said.
    How much? I asked.
    One silver dollar, she said.

    I have only one gold dollar,
    I will give you one gold dollar for your pearl.
    No, it's one silver dollar,
    You can have it for one silver dollar, she said.
    There were tears in her eyes.

    I started searching my pockets,
    Opened the wooden trunk fastened to my saddle,
    There were only gold nuggets there,
    Also a few blue rough sapphires.
    I will give you one gold dollar,
    One gold nugget,
    And my biggest sapphire.
    No, it's one silver dollar,
    You can have it for one silver dollar, she said.
    One tear left a shiny trace underneath her right eye,
    And yellow dust stuck to it instantly.

    She lifted her left foot,
    There was a gem studded horseshoe on it,
    Blues, and whites, and greens,
    Blinding me in their reflections of the noon sun.
    Did it grow there?

    Did it grow there? I asked her.
    Yes, you can have it, she said.
    How much? I asked.
    One silver dollar, she said.

    I have only one gold dollar,
    I will give you one gold dollar for your horseshoe.
    No, it's one silver dollar,
    You can have it for one silver dollar, she said.
    A second tear followed the trace of the first,
    Wiping away the yellow dust for a few moments.

    Listen girl, I will give you my one gold dollar,
    All my sapphires,
    And half of my gold nuggets
    For your pearl and your horseshoe.
    No, it's one silver dollar,
    You can have them for one silver dollar, she said.
    A tear from her left eye ran down her cheek,
    Joining its lost siblings on the dusty ground.

    She opened her shirt,
    Small breasts defying my regard,
    Two dark red ruby tips smothering my breath
    With their hellish fire.
    Did they grow there?

    Did they grow there? I asked her.
    Yes, you can have them, she said.
    How much? I asked.
    One silver dollar, she said.

    I spilled my wooden trunk
    Gold nuggets and sapphires rolling around her bare feet,
    Then unfastened my second wooden trunk from the saddle,
    Opened it and spilled all of my emeralds on top,
    Richness beyond imagination up to her knees,
    And then flipped my gold dollar on top of the mound.
    All of my nuggets, and sapphires, and emeralds,
    And one gold dollar
    For your rubies.
    She smiled,
    Crystal tears followed by golden tears followed by blue tears
    As she closed her shirt and turned to go.

    Wait! I shouted, and my fingers locked around her shoulder,
    For a few moments afraid that the slender bones will crush under the grip.
    Wait, this is the middle of the desert, soon there will be night.
    Where are you going to?
    You didn't ask where I am coming from when you met me.
    I didn't care then.
    And now you care because of my pearl, and gems horseshoe, and rubies?
    I care because of your crystal tears, and your golden tears, and your blue tears.
    I will stay, because you don't have a silver dollar.

    I made a small fire. Who are you? I asked.
    I will not tell you, you will not believe me, she said.
    I didn't ask you where you come from, I said.
    You didn't care, she said.
    I was afraid, I said.
    I come from fairytales, she said.
    I know, I said.
    Do you believe in fairy tales? she asked.
    I didn't, I answered.

    She went to my horse and hugged its neck.
    Then she lay on a rock bathing in starlight showers.
    She talked to the full moon.

    I am a princess. I was a princess.
    In fairy tales I could have been a princess.

    My father the mightiest pearl king in all the seas,
    Depths riches beyond imagination,
    A kingdom as wide as the widest sea, as wild as the wildest sea forest,
    I was the daughter, the princess,
    The prettiest pearl in the prettiest shell that anyone has ever seen,
    Kings knocking at our palace's gate for my hand,
    Princes fighting sea monsters for my gratitude,
    Human hunters desperately chasing me with dented steel knives...

    My father the wildest unicorn king beyond the clouds,
    Sky riches beyond imagination,
    A kingdom as wide as the widest horizon, as wild as the wildest hurricane,
    I was the daughter, the princess,
    The prettiest mane on the fastest hoof that anyone has ever set eye on,
    Kings knocking at our palace's gate for my hand,
    Princes fighting sky monsters for my gratitude,
    Human hunters desperately chasing me with fire driven arrows...

    My father the most awesome elf king down depths of dreams realms,
    Magic riches beyond imagination,
    A kingdom as wide as the widest of visions, as wild as the wildest of legends,
    I was the daughter, the princess,
    The prettiest fay with the clearest laughter that anyone has ever dreamt of,
    Kings knocking at our palace's gate for my hand,
    Princes fighting fantasy monsters for my gratitude,
    Human hunters desperately chasing me with rhymed magic spells...

    I am a princess. I was a princess.
    In fairy tales I could have been a princess.

    I didn't want to be a princess.
    I didn't want to be a pearl princess, a unicorn princess, an elf princess.
    I wanted to be a princess.
    I wanted to be human.
    I wanted to be a human princess.
    Like in the legends I sucked in with salty sea water, with mother's sweet milk,
    To be able to breathe in the flowers carpeted valleys down earth's rugged mountains,
    To run across the flowers carpeted valleys along earth's wild rivers,
    To make love on the flowers carpeted valleys across earth's unending plains...

    I bet my race's inheritance for my human dream,
    Looking for love,
    Finding greed.
    Prey to my curse.

    *

    I woke up with a start.
    She sat cross legged,
    My gun in her lap,
    My gun belt by her side,
    She was taking a bullet in her palm, next to the pearl,
    Closing it to a fist,
    Opening it and dropping a pearl to the ground,
    Taking another bullet,
    Closing her fist around it,
    Dropping an emerald to the ground.
    Is this your curse? I asked.
    Yes, she answered.
    Picked up a fallen pearl,
    Closed her fist around it
    And thin dust sipped through her fingers carried away by the wind.

    Tell me, I begged of her.
    Tell you what? she whispered.
    Tell me, I begged of her.

    I bet my kingdoms for human shape, she whispered.
    Which kingdoms? I begged to know.
    All of them, she whispered.

    Tell me when, I begged of her.
    By today's sunset, she whispered,
    By today's sunset wherever it may find me,
    As the last ray of evening's sun quits my body
    I die,
    My kingdoms die,
    The fairy tale dies.

    For love? I asked,
    You bet your kingdoms hoping to find love in human shape?
    For love, she answered,
    I bet my kingdoms knowing to find love in human shape.
    The silver dollar? I asked,
    What about the silver dollar?
    My fathers blessed me with the knowledge, she answered,
    They could not void the bet,
    They blessed me with the knowledge when I win the bet,
    Knowledge when I find love,
    When I find the one who will offer me only one silver dollar for my riches...
    I thought it was you,
    I had just one more day,
    But you offered me one gold dollar.

    Wait a moment, I shouted,
    This is insane, it does not make sense,
    To offer you one silver dollar this is greed,
    To offer you one gold dollar this is fair.
    Please do not be angry with me, she said,
    This is a fairy tale and in fairy tales there is no sense,
    There is a curse and there is a blessing,
    The blessing is supposed to be stronger than the curse,
    Guess I prove that fairy tales can have a sad ending?

    I closed my eyes,
    The sun was burning hot,
    Wake up, I told myself, wake up,
    The sun has beaten you out of your senses,
    This is a hallucination,
    Wake up, open your eyes.
    I opened my eyes,
    She was still there, turning bullets into pearls
    Then pearls into dust,
    Bullets into emeralds
    Then emeralds into dust,
    Bullets into sapphires,
    Sapphires into dust...
    I woke up as she was shaking my shoulder,
    I must have fallen into an exhaustion sleep.

    You must go, she said.
    Why? I asked.
    In one hour the sun sets, she said.
    I don't want to leave you alone, I said.
    I don't want you to see me die, she said.

    She opened her palm,
    There was a pebble there,
    Grey, stained,
    Almost perfectly round.
    Did it grow there?

    Did it grow there? I asked her.
    No, you cannot have it, she said.
    How much? I asked.
    It is too late, she said.

    I have only one gold dollar,
    I will give you one gold dollar for your pebble.
    No, it is too late,
    You cannot have it even for one silver dollar, she said.
    There were tears in her eyes and the setting sun sparkled in them.

    She lifted her left foot,
    There were bloodied stones encrusted in it,
    Grey, brown, yellow,
    Hardly visible in the setting sun.
    Did they grow there?

    Did they grow there? I asked her.
    No, you cannot have them, she said.
    How much? I asked.
    It is too late, she said.

    I will give you one gold dollar,
    One gold nugget,
    And my biggest sapphire.
    No, it is too late,
    You cannot have them even for one silver dollar, she said.
    One tear left a shiny trace underneath her right eye,
    And the setting sun followed hungrily the falling trail.

    She opened her shirt,
    Small breasts defying my regard,
    Two red flesh an blood tips smothering my breath
    With a lost promise.
    Did they grow there?

    Did they grow there? I asked her.
    No, you cannot have them, she said.
    How much? I asked.
    It is too late, she said.

    I spilled my wooden trunk
    Gold nuggets and sapphires rolling around her bare feet,
    Then unfastened my second wooden trunk from the saddle,
    Opened it and spilled all of my emeralds on top,
    Richness beyond imagination up to her knees,
    And then flipped my gold dollar on top of the mound.
    All of my nuggets, and sapphires, and emeralds,
    And one gold dollar
    For your life.
    She smiled,
    The setting sun burning a trail of fire on her cheeks mixing
    With the crystal tears followed by the golden tears followed by the blue tears
    As she closed her shirt and turned to go.

    The lower edge of the sun touched the horizon.

    Wait! I shouted, and my fingers locked around her shoulder,
    For a few moments afraid that the slender bones will crush under the grip.
    Wait,
    Where are you going to?
    You didn't ask where I am coming from when you met me.
    I didn't care then.
    And now you care because of my pain?
    I care because of my life.
    I will go, because you don't have a silver dollar.

    I picked up the treasures strewn around her feet,
    Poured them all in the two wooden trunks,
    Closed the lids and pulled them to the edge of the black bubbling stain in the desert.
    Then with one final effort shoved them one after the other in
    Watching them disappear to their deep black death.
    Now I don't have a silver dollar.
    Now I have nothing. Stay.

    Half of the sun has given in to the sand.
    Half of the sun was burning me through her eyes,
    The deep lakes unable to extinguish the damning fire.

    Where were you? she asked.
    Where was I when? I asked.
    Where were you when there was time? she asked.
    Where were you when there was time? I asked.

    She turned to go.
    Wait! I shouted. Take my horse.
    If I take your horse you die, she said.
    If you don't take my horse I see you die, I said.
    You give your life for my death, she said.
    I give my life, I said.

    I picked her up and sat her in the saddle.
    She was as light as the wind.
    You are as light as the wind.
    You are as late as a blessing.

    They started departing into the sunset.

    Wait! I whispered.
    She turned around.
    I raised my hand.
    Between thumb and forefinger,
    Scrapped from some deep fold in my riding trousers' pocket,
    Unknown to me and unknown to the world,
    There was one silver dollar.

    I closed my eyes.
    I swear I could feel the clear heavens raining pearls on my cheeks,
    Flowers growing in the scarred ground around my feet,
    And the wild neighing of horses in the skies...

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Dialogue...

    He -
    I taught you love's soft magic way,
    Trace fires down heart's bubbling clay,
    In thunder hear wild horses' neigh,
            - you taught me pain.

    I taught you dream's forbidden bay,
    December trade with smiling May,
    In passion's claws be willing prey,
            - you taught me pain.

    She -
    Your love I made my only reign,
    Wild horses roam my heart's domain,
    Your pain I'll own, and you retain
            - my years' bouquet.

    Your blazing dreams my nights have slain,
    In passion's May I smile insane,
    Give me your pain, and here's again
            - my years' bouquet.

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Forgiveness...

    Yesterday the eagle's soar,
    Yesterday the lion's roar,
    Yesterday the flooding pain
    Laying waste my heart's domain,
    Yesterday... dies fury's pride
            by your side...

    Yester night the burning grip,
    Yester night the clawing whip,
    Yester night the raving beast
    Gulping sun's emerging east,
    Yester night... dies fever's clutch
            at your touch...

    Day today the burning lips,
    Day today hot fingertips
    Day today across my chest
    Branding deep from east to west
    Day today... like scorching sun,
            we are one...

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The Likes Of...

    Not the big ones,
    Don't want to invoke the sun.
    The sun, the moon, the stars,
    Thunder and lightning,
    Roaring seas and soaring dragons...
    Not this time.

    I want to call upon the small, the daily.
    Like the smell of freshly baked bread,
    Gently sifting into the nostrils of a starved man
    Right before he sinks his teeth in for a first bite.
    Like the wagging tail of a month old puppy,
    Proudly regarding his first exploit
    After peeing on the thick Persian rug.
    Like the blushing teenage girl with the red ribbon in her hair,
    Kissed for the first time
    And rushing home to tell mom about that disgusting boy who dared.
    Like the warm embrace of his six month pregnant wife,
    Smilingly greeting the dirty miner on the house threshold
    Then guiding his prickly face and coal black hands to touch her belly.
    Like the snowdrop's first daring attempt at facing the winter's cold,
    Shaking courageously the hanging icicles from its petals
    And opening to the world its fragile perfumed heart.

    Like you.
    The likes of you.

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Words, Wounds...

    guised in dress of burning word
    lies in wait a hungry sword
    letters forged to razor edge
    chained in cryptic velvet pledge
    watching whisper's icy grain
    shakes the mists my waking brain
    slowly fingers curl to fist
    from its sheath the steely beast
    snatching high above my head
    great the rage and none your dread
    as you paint a humming tune
    scenting seasons set in june
    and your fingers satin tear
    and your chest to kisses bare
    and your skin to touching crave
    when in sudden passion's rave
    flashes weapon's mighty sweep
    fingers five it plunges deep
    in a breast so soft and frail
    slicing heart's forgotten trail
    cobalt eyes melt down to ice
    red and pain with darkness splice
    and you gently float to ground
    bleeding love with not a sound...

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Tunes Eight...

    fay oh fay, fay oh fay,
    way away, way away,
    sweet of lips, sweet of lips,
    dreamland's deeps, dreamland's deeps,
    do you know, do you know,
    dearest doe, dearest doe,
    that the days, that the days,
    pass in haze, pass in haze,
    that the nights, that the nights,
    pains claim rights, pains claim rights,
    that my heart, that my heart,
    breaks apart, breaks apart,
    that my life, that my life,
    needs you wife, needs you wife...

    *

    fay oh fay, fay oh fay,
    way away, way away,
    sweet of sigh, sweet of sigh,
    blue of eye, blue of eye,
    smile in bloom, smile in bloom,
    wild perfume, wild perfume,
    soft of skin, soft of skin,
    lust and sin, lust and sin,
    in your mind, in your mind,
    be so kind, be so kind,
    in the glade, in the glade,
    be my shade, be my shade,
    in my past, in my past,
    be my last, be my last,
    by your side, by your side,
    let me glide, let me glide,
    let me lie, let me lie,
    let me die, let me die,
    i will bet, i will bet,
    you forget, you forget,
    none the blame, none the blame,
    none the name, none the name,
    fades the star, fades the star,
    heals the scar, heals the scar,
    gone the woes, gone the woes,
    gone the rose, gone the rose...

    *

    fay oh fay, fay oh fay,
    way away, way away,
    when in may, when in may,
    you will sway, you will sway,
    on the porch, on the porch
    under scorch, under scorch,
    of a sun, of a sun,
    like no one, like no one,
    look around, look around,
    for the sound, for the sound,
    for the smell, for the smell,
    for the spell, for the spell,
    as from low, as from low,
    glitters glow, glitters glow,
    as from high, as from high,
    secrets sigh, secrets sigh,
    as from yond, as from yond,
    shadows bond, shadows bond
    till you see, till you see,
    i and me, i and me,
    haunt and dream, haunt and dream,
    tender team, tender team,
    round your legs, round your legs,
    craves and begs, craves and begs,
    round you breasts, round your breasts,
    moments rests, moments rests,
    round your neck, round your neck,
    tracing trek, tracing trek,
    round your lips, round your lips,
    huddled sleeps, huddled sleeps,
    and you know, and you know,
    then will go, then will go,
    ever way, ever way,
    bye oh fay, bye oh fay...

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Pop'lar...

    laddie laddie boy
    sad as sad as joy
    fever fever ice
    timid timid vice

    told i was i was
    words and buzz and buzz
    smiles and sweets and sweets
    tears then treats then treats
    oaths and trust and trust
    flares of lust of lust
    worth are none are none
    touch then done then done
    then my reign my reign
    is the pain the pain.

    woman woman girl
    pebble pebble pearl
    whisper whisper tune
    winter winter june

    when i claim i claim
    love and flame and flame
    tell you i you i
    pierce my eye my eye
    through my soul my soul
    rip a hole a hole
    cleave apart apart
    chest and heart and heart
    if i lie i lie
    let me die me die.

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Tiny Heart, Tiny Love...

    Is that tiny heart of yours,
    Hidden hind forbidden flesh,
    Beating through the bony mesh
    An unrivalled verse in Morse
            bold and fresh?

    Is that tiny love of yours,
    Guised in brazen words of lust,
    Grinding with its eager gust
    Reason walls and patience doors
            thin to dust?

    Aren't tiny love and heart,
    Through a magic known to none,
    Greater than the mighty sun
    Welding lives a world apart
            into one?

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Passing Time...

    Passing time away from you,
    My favorite way, the only way,
    Writing to you.

    Thinking,
    What would I prefer,
    Writing to you or making love to you.
    Hesitating.
    How could I know,
    I've done one all my life,
    I've not done the other all my life too...

    You're smiling,
    I know you're smiling,
    You're thinking... come into my arms renegade lover of mine,
    Come into my arms
    And once there
    There's no hesitating anymore,
    You'll wish time turn to rock,
    World turn to desert,
    And us turn to first of Eden's dwellers...
    You keep smiling, your nose high in the sky...
    No, not even that,
    You'll know time has turned to rock,
    World has turned to desert,
    And us we're Eden's first dwellers...

    Passing time away from you,
    My favorite way, the only way,
    Writing to you.

    Thinking,
    What would I prefer,
    Writing to you or making love to you.
    Hesitating.
    You've strewn doubts into my spirit,
    Your crooked smile disturbs me,
    Shall I accept what I know you're thinking
    And tear down the tattered pieces of paper carrying my messy writing,
    Close my eyes and fade into the nothing world
    Of promises, dreams, desires,
    Empty of all else?
    Is it what you're thinking
    Or is it my miserable interpretation
    Stained by fogs of uncertainty
    As I hide my tearful eyes in your bosom
    And wipe my nose on your crumpled skirt?

    You're smiling,
    I know you're smiling,
    You're pulling my ear to your mouth
    And while your finger plays along my lips
    Your words pour a river of fire into my soul...
    Come into my arms renegade lover of mine,
    Come into my arms
    And once there you'll find
    That your words are the fuel that feeds my life,
    The flowers my hands are full of,
    The sparkle dazzling my mornings on grey stormy days...
    Come into my arms
    And once there
    Carve your words into the marble of my body,
    Weave your words into the tapestry of my heart,
    Paint your words on the canvas of my eyelids...
    Come into my arms
    And once there remember
    That I'm your art and your creation,
    That the fire in my bone is the word in your mouth,
    That the softness in my breast is the love in your verse...

    Come into my arms renegade lover of mine,
    And while mindless time rams
    The swelling heart's dams,
    And witless sands swarm
    Round passion's wild storm,
    Through Eden's wide gates
    As lovers and mates
    We'll step to the lair,
    In fire and flare
    In thunder of word
    In whisper of sword
    We'll set sky ablaze
    Till end of all days...

    Passing time away from you,
    My favorite way, the only way,
    Writing to you.

    Thinking,
    What would I prefer,
    Writing to you or making love to you.
    Past hesitating. Way past hesitating.
    You smiled. You answered me.
    Both. And all of it.

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Autumnal...

    If I burn, wish rotten hell
    Which will follow that last knell
    To be strewn with autumn leaves,
    As my life through fingers sieves
            - soak that smell...

    If I soar, wish heaven's lane
    Cutting through my human pain
    To bear clouds through naked trees,
    As my breath turns dying breeze
            - drink that rain...

    If I live, wish life's rude glove
    Spares my guileless fragile dove,
    'Cause my way to heaven, hell,
    She has blessed with autumn's spell
            - autumn love...

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Cravings...

    Let your breath engulf me,
    Be the dragon burning my skin with its scorching flame,
    Let me perish in the tormented inferno of ravaging love
    And never let go till I turn black dying crumbling ember...
    Let your word inebriate me,
    Be the poisoned wine pouring down my throat its cutting knives,
    Let me perish in the maddening spasms of devastating love
    And never let go till I lie crippled dying agonizing shape...
    Let your touch devour me,
    Be the savage claw ripping my spirit's sanctity with its obscene desires,
    Let me perish in the scathing terrors of raping love
    And never let go till I shed my bleeding dying withering flesh...

    Let me huddle in your lap,
    Let your breath, let your word, let your touch
    Soothe my agony
    As I smilingly slide into blessed nowhere...

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A Blanket...

    Around you,
    Layers upon layers upon layers of protection,
    Wool,
    Upon steel,
    Upon glass,
    Covering every inch of skin, every strand of hair,
    Every nail,
    Every healing scratch,
    Warmth, warm around you,
    Protecting against people,
    Against world's pretences and nature's disasters and body's weaknesses,
    Opening at a whisper
    Closing at a thought,
    Unseen and mighty,
    Safe,
    Protected,
    Snug and happy and worriless in your cocoon...

    A blanket, around you,
    Burning in the fire while your cool breath mists the insides,
    Breaking under the load while your fragile frame dances inside,
    Crumbling under the pain while your smile paints visions inside,
    Safe,
    Protected,
    While the world falls to drifting pieces all around you...

    A blanket, around you,
    Absorbing your pains and hurting for you,
    Sorting your dreams and dreaming the nightmares for you,
    Swapping its happy moments with your moments of despair,
    Safe,
    Protected,
    Unknowing of the storm outside in your oasis' tranquillity...

    A blanket.
    Wish I was a blanket around you,
    To die, so you live...

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The Edge...

    I found it,
    The edge of the world,
    The end of it,
    Maybe others found it too?
    Maybe...
    They didn't return to tell the story,
    Fell in and still they fall,
    One way street,
    One way chasm,
    Away from all they knew,
    Away from all...

    I looked down.
    Why do I say down,
    Was it down there?
    Is after the edge a down
    Or is it a somewhere
    And more probably a nowhere?
    I looked downwhere,
    Bent as far as I dared and scrutinized it
    Considering
    Is it there that I will find it?
    Is it there that I will find absence of pain,
    Is it there that I will find absolution of consuming desire,
    Absolution of love, lust, eluding passion,
    Fading dreams,
    Woman's touch,
    Warmth,
    Tenderness?...
    Or will I find an eternity,
    An eternity of pain, of consuming desire, of eluding passion?

    I stretched forward a hand,
    Then the other,
    Bent my knees,
    Closed my eyes as there was nothing to see,
    Held my breath as there was nothing,
    Blanked my mind to thoughts of eternity,
    Smiled at my childish conceit
    And arrogant decision to get my knowledge by irreversible trial
    And tensed my muscles for the leap into the bottomless pit...

    Wait!...
    Said the voice,
    And the steel of a tender arm encompassed my chest and pulled me back...
    Wait!...
    And the soft breeze of a forgotten fragrance drugged my senses...
    Wait!...

    I woke up.

    Who are you? I asked on the purple shore of a waveless purple sea.
    Do I dream you?
    Why is everything purple? Where are the waves? Where are people?
    I am child... said the voice.
    I am daughter... said the voice.
    I am the daughter you never had,
    You never will,
    I own this dream, I own these shores and this sea,
    I painted them purple, I like purple, do you like purple?

    Where is the edge? I asked,
    I have dreams, I had enough dreams, I want to know,
    I found the edge,
    Where is the edge, I want knowledge,
    Do you have knowledge?
    I have purple.
    Purple is not knowledge, purple is color.
    Purple is love in my world,
    I have love,
    If love is what you want stay in my world,
    Let my purple touch tear away black pain from your heart
    And build purple memories inside your empty memory banks...

    My memory banks are not empty...
    You don't remember me...
    I never had you,
    I remember pain.
    Do you remember love?
    I am looking for knowledge.
    Do I look for love?
    I do not know,
    I do not exist, how would I know?
    Do you look for love?

    I do not see you, why do I not see you,
    How did you pull me back from the edge?

    I heard a crystalline thin laughter.
    I do not have any answer,
    You have them all,
    You have the knowledge.

    I heard a crystalline thin sob.
    Don't go to the edge,
    You know.

    I woke up.

    Who are you? I asked on the red banks of a still standing red river.
    Do I dream you?
    Why is everything red? Why is the river not flowing? Where are people?
    Where is daughter?
    I am girl... said the voice
    I am friend... said the voice.
    I am the girl friend you never had,
    You never will,
    I own this dream, I own these banks and this river,
    I painted them red, I like red, do you like red?

    Where is daughter gone?
    There is no daughter, there is girl,
    There is friend,
    There is red, I like red, do you like red?

    I want knowledge.
    Friend? Red?
    You always liked red, so I like red,
    Red is love in my world,
    I have love,
    If love is what you want stay in my world,
    Let my red touch tear away purple pain from your heart
    And build red memories inside your purple memory banks...

    How do you know purple?
    You always wanted me your friend,
    I came.

    Too late.
    Yes, you came too late...
    No, you came too late...
    Yes, you came too late.
    Where were you?
    I waited for you so many years, so many places,
    Why were you born so far away,
    Why didn't you look for me so long ago,
    Why did you find me in the wrong place?

    I didn't find you.
    Why did you find me in the wrong place?
    I looked for you,
    In books, in movies, on the school benches,
    I wrote you poems,
    Did you receive my poems?
    Too late.
    I called for you, I cried for you.
    I heard. I am here.
    Too late.
    Maybe. Love is never late. Love is red.
    A rose is red.
    A rose is never late. A rose is a rose.
    Are you looking for my rose?

    Am I looking for your love?
    I do not know,
    I do not exist, how would I know?
    Do you look for my love?

    I see you through a thick milky mist, why do I not see you clearly,
    How did you pull me back from the edge?

    I heard a crystalline thin laughter,
    Maybe I heard it before?
    I don't remember...
    I do not have any answer,
    You have them all,
    You have the knowledge.

    I heard a crystalline thin sob,
    Maybe I heard it before?
    I don't remember...
    Don't go to the edge,
    You know.

    I woke up.

    Who are you? I asked on the pink dry foliage under a never falling pink rain.
    Do I dream you?
    Why is everything pink? Why is the rain not falling? Where are people?
    Where is daughter?
    Where is girl?
    I am woman... said the voice.
    I am wife... said the voice.
    I am the wife you never had,
    You never will,
    I own this dream, I own this dry foliage and this rain,
    I painted them pink, I like pink, do you like pink?

    I want knowledge.
    Where is daughter? Where is girl?
    Was I daughter? Was I girl? Did you love me?
    I love pink,
    Pink is love in my world
    If love is what you want stay in my world,
    Let my pink touch tear away red pain from your heart
    And build pink memories inside your red memory banks...

    How do you know red?
    You always wanted me your wife,
    I came.

    Too late.
    Still time.
    Too late.
    Still time,
    At the edge there is always still time,
    There is no time,
    There is endless time.

    Too late, too late, too late...
    You found me, didn't you?
    You were looking for me so you knew it is not too late,
    Now you found me, the clock starts ticking again.

    No, you found me.
    No, I found you.
    How did you find me?
    You called.
    Did I? I was gazing into the edge, I didn't call.
    You called me,
    I heard your voice,
    You asked my permission to call me and called me.

    I don't remember.
    Of course you don't remember,
    I started filling your memory with pink pictures,
    Pink smells, pink fingertip sensations,
    Pink tomorrows...

    I hate tomorrows, I want today's.
    Tomorrow is today,
    Tomorrow is pink, is love.

    Why did you save me?
    I did not save you, I loved you.
    I loved you since you called me through your black,
    I loved you since you called me through your purple, then your red,
    I loved you since you painted my dream pink.

    You said you painted it pink.
    Yes, you painted it pink.
    Do I love you?
    I know,
    I exist, I know.
    Do you love me?

    I see you as clearly as bright sunshine,
    You blind me, you burn my eyes with beauty,
    How did you pull me back from the edge?
    Since when do I love you?

    I heard a crystalline thin laughter,
    I think I heard it before,
    Did I?
    You see? You have the answer. You own the answer.
    You have it. One.
    You have the knowledge.

    The answer is I love you?
    The answer is I love you.
    The knowledge is I love you?
    The knowledge is I love you.
    The knowledge is you love me?
    The knowledge is you love me.
    You know more than daughter, you know more than girl,
    Is it the world,
    Is the world pink?
    I am daughter, I am girl,
    I am wife,
    This is my world,
    Pink is love,
    I am pink.

    Where is my world,
    Where is the edge?
    I rolled a stone over it,
    I painted it pink,
    Pink is love,
    I am pink.

    Do I love you?
    More than pink.
    Do you love me?
    More than life.

    I listened carefully, stretching my senses to the extreme,
    Waiting for a crystalline thin sob.
    It never came.

    I never woke up.

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Imperfections...

    I found them,
    Many,
    Some small, some big,
    Some hidden under the folds of a garment,
    Was looking for them,
    Hoping to find them,
    I did...

    Wrinkles,
    Some around the eyes,
    Around the corners of the mouth,
    Some on your hands...
    An imperfect tooth, another one,
    Slight traces of hair on your upper lip,
    A few grey hairs that escaped the powerful dye,
    A broken nail...

    Birth marks,
    Didn't know you had so many of them,
    You smiled shyly when I touched them
    Then allowed me to find some more
    Better hidden than the others...
    Some soft spots,
    Not all of you steel and muscles,
    You laughed teasingly when I patted one of the spots
    And punched me in the eye... only an excuse so you could kiss me,
    Then guided my hand back to the same spot so I could caress it...

    Your voice... no imperfections there.
    Closed my eyes and imagined a long tailed mermaid
    Sliding naked under the roar of the waves
    In company of dolphin brothers,
    A transparent winged fairy
    Pulling a multicolored brush
    From one end of the rainbow to the other,
    An aquarelle painting come to life
    Descending from its easel
    And spreading itself across the world...
    Closed my eyes
    Then opened them as fast as I could to chase away the visions,
    No mermaids, no fairies, no aquarelles, no perfection fair or fake,
    Don't want any, no, no perfection
    Except for the perfect imperfections
    Of the mouth owning the voice,
    Of the body owning the mouth,
    So human, so perfectly human,
    So unique,
    Do you know that imperfections are unique?
    So uniquely yours,
    So uniquely you...

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Misapprehension...

    My hand,
    Supposed to caress, to calm,
    Suddenly turning into a vise and closing on your wrist,
    Painfully,
    You winced, reproach in your eyes, in your voice...
    Why? You asked, all I did is tell you I love you...

    Why? I asked opening my palm,
    The uncontrolled spasm over, the distress in your regard drilling my heart,
    The question in your voice soft, undemanding, just wondering,
    I jumped back, the one moment of misapprehension over,
    The blue stain on your wrist visible,
    Your eyes looking for a reason...
    Why? You asked, all I did is tell you I love you...

    I tried to take your hands in mine,
    To ask you to forgive, to forget, to erase,
    You kept looking at the blue stain, then looked at my face,
    Your hand rigid in mine,
    Waiting... for something?
    Wish I had the something you wished for -
    The yesterday, the what if not, the never happened...
    I did not have it, all I had was an unacceptable excuse,
    A request, a promise, a long wait...
    You smiled. Uncertain yet if you should, knowing you want to,
    Hesitating.
    My heart thumping.
    Then slowly your hand squeezed mine gently, warmly,
    Forgiving...
    I love you, you said, all you did is forget...

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Pastorale...

    Lay your head on my knees,
    Let the whispering trees
    Lay a blanket of gold,
    Copper leaves days untold,
    Silver thread weaving in
    Fragile petals of sin,
    Spider thin silver string
    Wedding dew drops of spring...

    Let your eyes claim the peace
    Of a dying storm's bliss,
    All of yesterday's tears
    Diamond studs in your ears,
    Living necklaces rings
    Waving butterflies' wings,
    In the depths of your eyes
    Smiles the sun as it dies...

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Pains...

    I finally know it,
    Thought I knew it, arrogant naÔve me,
    Then in one single lucid moment I discovered its true taste
    As reality erased the smirk decorating my face
    Turning it into a pitiful grimace
    Squashing my complete body...
    Pain,
    Oh, terrifying as the blackest of nightmares
    Sinking tenderly its fierce grip into my mind
    And gently letting smooth poison soak into my thoughts
    Ripping apart each and every fibre of resistance...
    Pain,
    Searing,
    As my fingers deserted the warmth of your skin's fields,
    My teeth gave up their bloody quarry
    And my eyes chased vainly a disappearing shape melting into memory...
    Pain,
    As I sank to the cold floor shivering,
    Foam dripping from a numb mouth
    Trying to lock away tastes never known
    And rumbling earthquake tearing to pieces a crippled heart screaming for home...
    Pain,
    As I crouched cuddled in my arms
    Waiting for your drug to invade my senses once again
    And drag my bloodied remains along heaven's flowery paths
    Staining the pavement with my incoherent blessings...
    Pain,
    Fading away,
    As my fingers find once more the searing warmth of your skin's fields,
    My teeth cut deep into the yielding flesh
    And my eyes gaze openly at a sun's shape burning its memory into their blindness...

    Pain,
    Gone like a summer's light breeze
    Giving in to the hurricanes of devastating happiness...

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Seasons...

    Dress in winter my desire,
    Dress in snow my raging fire,
    Dress in grey my rainbow's shine
    Dress in sin your smile divine...

    Carve my agony to summer,
    Carve my heart to master drummer,
    Carve my nightmare to a bliss,
    Carve your sin to riving kiss...

    Let the autumn kill my shiver,
    Let the desert drink my river,
    Let the passion claim my growl,
    Let the sin protect your soul...

    Gone the spring of my ambition,
    Gone the shame of my rendition,
    Gone the dark... my nameless fear,
    Gone the sin... and you are here...

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Flesh...

    Let my fingers' insane raving
    Feed the lust your breasts are craving
    With my teeth traces of blood
    Round them paving...

    Let my bones' steam rolling rumble
    Turn your sighs to madness' mumble
    With a gaping mouth your lungs
    Screaming crumble...

    Let my whispers be the quire
    Softly quenching out the fire
    As you smiling sink in sleep's
    Blissful mire...

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Snow, Snow...

    Snow, snow, melt away,
    Let my pretty flower fay
    Wake its petals to the wonder
    Sun's warm blessing ripe to plunder
    Through the lust of dying day
    Calm the thunder...

    Snow, snow, hug me in,
    Let my passion's raving sin
    Burn my soul from now to ever
    As I rip from womb the never
    And I seed its next of kin
    Sweet forever...

    Snow, snow, let my bride
    Snuggle gently by my side
    On a bed the white of glory
    Smiling past old why and sorry
    With her whispers' fading tide
    End the story...

    *

    Snow, snow, don't you go
    To the lands of ever glow,
    There's a legend old folks tell
    Of two lovers' burning hell
    Mid of heaven's river flow
    Roars the spell...

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Moments Of Infinity...

    Did you see the ocean? she asked.
    Of course, I answered.
    So you are not interested in my lake, she smiled.
    But I am, I said.
    It is small, almost a pond... she looked me up, inquiringly.
    Even if it is a muddy puddle, I answered and took one of her fingers in my mouth.
    Even if it is a small muddy puddle? her eyes shining.
    Even if it is a spit trace on the sand.

    We sat on the shore, leaning against the big wheel of her truck.
    She insisted to take her four wheeler, just in case we may sink in the sand.
    There is no sand here, I remarked, just to get her off my earlobe.
    There could have been, she laughed and kept chewing.
    I looked at the water expanse, anywhere between a lake and a pond and a spit trace,
    Half frozen, the other half too. I chuckled.
    You are making fun of my lake?
    I am making fun of your puddle.
    You insisted to come down here. Why? Told you there is nothing to see.
    Exactly the reason.
    She frowned, dissatisfied, and bit my nose.
    Then sat between my outstretched legs her back leaning against my chest,
    Her disarrayed hair all over my face. I kissed her on the top of her head.
    She took my hand and guided it underneath her shirt and underneath her bra.
    The hot flesh shivered at the touch of my cold fingers.
    Tell me or your hand is prisoner forever.
    Exactly the reason, I repeated myself.
    Because there is nothing to see. Except you.
    You insult my lake.
    I love you.
    Your hand is prisoner forever.
    Can you extend forever to at least a lifetime?
    She turned slowly to face me,
    Her feet around my middle above my thighs,
    And all the time ensuring she makes her threat true.
    Can you extend a lifetime to at least a day?

    The plane took off.
    Tears of rage smothering the view
    As all the lakes looked like diminishing puddles
    Till the invading clouds erased them completely.
    I extended a lifetime to a day.
    I wish I could have done it the other way around.

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Like's...

    I like saxophone, she said.
    I like also peanut butter fudge, and my truck, and Elvis...
    And I don't like spiders and I like squirrels.
    My TV broke today.
    Tomorrow I have to buy another pair of shoes.
    I had to stop the flood somehow, before it took off at another tangent.
    I kissed her.
    She opened big surprised eyes, closing them moments later to sounds of mmmm...
    What about me, I asked her once she gave me back my lower lip.
    You mean do I have to buy another pair of you? Giggle.
    I mean do you like me too?
    No. Serious.
    No? I repeated, a bit taken aback by the serious expression.
    Joke, right?
    No. Serious.
    But you like saxophone, and fudge, and Elvis...
    Yes, true. Not a sign of a giggle. Still serious. Drilling eyes, intense.
    But I don't like you.
    Oh, I get it, I laughed with sudden relief,
    You little weasel, you... got me there for a moment,
    You don't like me, you love me... is that the idea?
    No. Pouting lip, fierce regard, fingers locked on my shirt's lapels
    Almost tearing the tensing buttons off...
    I panicked. That serious regard, I almost cringed away from it...
    I felt like screaming... I opened my mouth...
    Don't... she said, leaving the tortured cloth to place a finger on my mouth.
    Don't... she said.
    I don't like you.
    No, I don't even love you.
    You, I am in love with...

    I closed my eyes. I knew I don't know women.
    I knew she was not a woman.
    She was another species, not yet catalogued. Probably a unique specimen.
    Was I on the verge of a new scientific discovery?
    I opened them again, finding her eyes one inch away from my nose,
    Looking up at me with a crossed regard,
    Almost funny if it was not as ferocious as it was.
    I love you, I whispered, my hot breath almost scorching her eyelashes.
    I tried to approach her lips
    But found it impossible to move against that stiff finger stuck in my chest.
    Care to rephrase it? Demanding. Please? Begging.
    I was lost.
    I knew the paths of hell only too well,
    I mapped the paths of heaven with so much care, yet, I was lost.
    This was not hell, this was not heaven and not even earth.
    Where was I, inside a story maybe? Inside a dream?
    The cross eyed regard never leaving my eyes for a moment,
    Tears welling at the left eye's corner
    Refusing to let gravitation take control of their destiny.
    I closed the gap to half an inch,
    Her eyes still following, not giving up for a moment.
    I am in love with you... I whispered, the message finally getting through to my brain.
    She allowed gravitation take over,
    The ragged track underneath her left eye glittering with invisible salt crystals,
    Her finger finally removed from my chest and the distance reduced to zero,
    Even to minus... I heard her squashed mouth giggle throatily.
    What now? I scolded.
    You are such a sissy... her voice bells rang.
    You mean all this was just a small act?
    I asked with my most self righteous indignant voice.
    She pushed my back against the wall and curled perfect puppy fashion in my lap,
    Her eyes closed.
    I was going to tear you apart, is what I mean... she whispered, and fell to sleep.

    I don't remember the rest of the night.
    There is not much to remember. Just flowing, never ending peace of mind.

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Not The Movies...

    I love the smell of your hair, I told her.
    Mmmmmm... was her only reaction.
    I like to touch your fingers, I told her.
    Mmmmmm... again.
    I wondered what could I say to make her open her eyes
    And get her off the mmmmmm mood?
    Not that I disliked it.
    I like Marilyn Monroe, I told her...
    Grrrrr... well, at least we were getting somewhere.
    ...But I love you.
    The menthe perfumed breath smothered my mouth
    As I was trying in vain to gain access to the normal stinking air.
    In vain.
    She refused to let me breathe anything but air coming straight from her lungs,
    Waiting for me to asphyxiate trying
    Yet not allowing it to happen,
    Those lips selectively mixing into my lungs part oxygen,
    Part perfumed exhaling breeze,
    Almost like in the movies,
    The beautiful girl mouth-to-mouthing the handsome guy,
    And finally marrying him.

    We knew it is not the movies.
    That kiss trying to absorb my life in exchange for hers,
    The fingers digging into my shoulders like hydraulic driven clams,
    The eyes shut tight cowering away from the emerging reality...
    The beautiful girl finally letting the handsome guy go away
    And trying vainly to mend a broken heart. Two broken hearts.
    I wondered... does reality have happy end scenarios at times?
    Is there a Hollywood like studio creating it
    And making it a happy end or a soggy hanky end
    According to some unknown director's whim?
    Or is it the brutal reality of a statistical coincidence deciding on the heroes' fate?

    I felt her fingers' vise suddenly go limp,
    Her body still attached to mine by some unknown fibres...
    It took me several moments to realize that it is my fingers this time
    Digging so strongly into her back
    That she couldn't slide to the ground and lie there expecting me to go away.
    Was it what I should have done, letting my fingers go?
    How could I, I didn't control them anymore?

    I lied, I said, I don't like Marilyn Monroe.
    Mmmmmm... was the soft music answering me.
    I did not lie, I like the smell of your hair.
    Quiet. I listened intently. Quiet.
    I did not lie, I like to touch your fingers.
    Quiet. Did she hear me?
    I go. Do you hear me?
    Is it true, do you like the smell of my hair?
    Yes, I do like the smell of your hair.
    And do you really like to touch my fingers?
    Yes, I really like to touch your fingers.
    Do you like more things about me?
    Yes, I like more things about you.
    Tell me.
    There is no time.
    There is time to tell me there is no time.
    There is no time to tell you the truth.
    The truth? Do I know the truth?
    The truth.You know the truth.
    Is the truth good?
    No, the truth is true.
    Is the true truth good?

    My fingers finally dislodged from the deep wounds dug into her back.
    She did not slide to the ground. She looked straight into my eyes.
    She was patient. She waited for an answer.
    If I came back one year later she would still be there,
    Eyes searching the place where my eyes have been,
    Still waiting for the same answer.
    Yes, the truth is I like more things about you.
    Tell me.
    All.
    She smiled, the soft corners of the wide mouth raising to meet the eyes' corners.
    See, there is time to tell me all.
    No, there is no time to tell you all.
    You told me.
    No, I wish to tell you.
    You will tell me. When you return.
    I will tell you. When I return.
    You will return.
    I will return.
    Is finally the good guy marrying the good girl?
    I hesitated, mathematical formulas clashing in my brain,
    Afraid of the answer, knowing the answer, afraid of the promise.
    The good guy already married the good girl.
    Really? When?
    When you closed your eyes. You were afraid there will not be a happy end.
    You did not look.
    She opened her eyes.
    Was there a happy end?
    Yes. There was. There is.
    I am happy. Now you can leave.
    You believe me?
    Of course I believe you. I am happy. So it is a happy end.

    She was right. Of course she was right.
    She always knew the way to be right.
    I was happy too. She said so.
    Happy people cry, don't they?
    We had our proof.
    Life's studios imitating Hollywood.
    The only problem was just a very minor one,
    It seemed our fingers refused to give in to the brains' commands and separate,
    Funny things, fingers,
    Almost having a mind of their own...

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Time, Crawling, Time...

    Once upon a time there were days.
    Only hours left now,
    Soon minutes,
    What comes after minutes, is there anything after minutes?
    Fantasy heroes, freezing time, building time machines,
    Changing time,
    Then the movie ends, the book's last chapter is done
    And the hero vanishes.
    Short, glorious life, nothing beyond,
    Not even the time machine helps.
    Life stronger than a time machine,
    Time, unstoppable, not even for heroes.

    We huddle together.
    We are not heroes, we just met,
    There were days, an infinite interval,
    It will not end, it will never end...
    Only hours left now.
    We still huddle, afraid that giving up the touch will hasten time,
    It will not,
    Time crawls forward,
    Not faster, not slower, indifferent.
    How do we measure time? No, not by clocks,
    Or sand glasses or sun rotations,
    How do we really measure time
    As we sit huddled together,
    Arms locked, fingers locked, bodies locked?
    We do not measure it,
    We only know when it ends,
    And this is the only measure that counts.
    When arms unlock, fingers unlock, bodies unlock,
    And the three classical dimensions take control and interpose space
    And we start measuring time by inches,
    By yards, by miles.
    By heartbeats.

    We don't count by tears, we don't want to count infinity.
    We count by smiles, we want to count by moments of infinite joy,
    We become heroes of our own fantasies,
    Changing the time, freezing the time until there are days again,
    Never ending days,
    Never ending heartbeats,
    Infinite happiness.

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Parting Lullaby...

    The box dragging its wheels slowly away, carrying inside
    Bleeding hands
    Nails biting deep into flesh unable to control the spasm,
    Bleeding eyes
    Blue oceans smashing away at shores disintegrating into whipping tears,
    A bleeding heart
    Hesitating between the painful thunder and the everlasting quiet...
    A man made noisy box
    Carrying inside God's bleeding creation.

    I kneeled, I screamed,
    Unable to hear my voice in a prayer I wanted to smash against sky's gates
    Ripping them off hinges
    With fingers curled into frozen hooks
    Driven by a maddening pain
    Roaring inside a hollow mind,
    I bent, I huddled,
    Head between knees
    Arms around legs squeezing with mindless power
    The skull screeching at the bone joints
    Happily awaiting that final all liberating crack
    That will send it into eternal numbness...

    The box lost beyond a turn of the road,
    That following emptiness,
    That terrible emerging realization of an end to a life chapter,
    A life chapter... there is no such thing... a life.
    I knew the skies should fall down and drag the world into nothingness
    The life into non existence
    All creation into dispersing dust,
    Did the skies fall down? They did,
    My world into nothingness,
    My life into non existence,
    My creation into dispersing dust...
    Back into the womb,
    Waiting, waiting, waiting for next dawn to come.

    Sleep, my baby, hush and sleep,
    Let the winter's gentle grip
    Snow your heart in frozen pleasure
    Way off bounds and out of measure,
    Let a summer oceans' deep
    Be your treasure...

    Sleep, my baby, smile don't cry,
    Let the winter's lullaby
    Snow the patience in your worry
    Way beyond all tear and sorry,
    Let the summer soft and shy
    Be your glory...

    Sleep my baby, grey of cloud
    Let the winter's magic shroud
    Snow with starlight's blazing shower
    Way from bliss to raging power,
    Let all summers start with... proud...
    You, my flower...

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The Lover...

    I promised you a kingdom,
    And horses wild of mane,
    A jewels studded sceptre
    And nuggets covered plain,
    I promised you the mountains,
    A knee deep roses lane,
    All yesterday's tomorrows
    With sun drops light to stain,
    I promised you the magic
    Of word whispered in vain
    To turn to blooming garden
    Of desert blessed by rain...

    You said - don't want your kingdom,
    Your riches I don't claim,
    No wonders and no magic,
    No horses wild or tame,
    All that I need is freedom
    To lay down at your side
    Into the sun awaking
    Upon your horse to ride,
    All that I need - a promise
    When time will come to go
    My heartbeat and my summer
    Into your chest to sow...

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Invasion...

    Invading me,
    Flashes, sounds, lights,
    I am trying to blank out my mind,
    Impossible,
    I hear fractured laughter intertwined with sighs,
    With words I try to remember,
    I hear silence,
    Twined fingers,
    Twined regards, lips...
    The wooden bench hard underneath me,
    My temporary prison,
    Soon changing to a metal one,
    Then plastic, leather,
    A flying box,
    And then invading space,
    Uncalled for, uninvited...

    You open your eyes
    Blaming the invading harsh light for the reflecting shine,
    Cool morning water on your face masks the flooding rivers
    Alongside irregular lipstick smears guided by an unsteady hand...
    I see you in the mirror,
    Do you see me?
    Guess you do, else why would you smile
    As you sift through your memories' hideout
    Picking up the selected few... all of them...
    Reliving those moments in time forever gone
    And ever present...

    I hear a voice,
    Disembodied, mechanical,
    Instructing me to do something
    Which I hear but don't,
    Deaf...
    An immense urge to hold you, to hug you,
    So fortunate you are not here or you would suffer...
    You object,
    You protest, you would rather be here and suffer,
    You tell me...

    Raindrops crush regularly against the window,
    Competing between themselves, with me,
    I try to let them win,
    Impossible,
    No one can beat me,
    No, not now, not today, not ever,
    Pouring rain... what a pale imitation to life,
    Such a desert compared to the floods drowning my heart...

    Noise, rising to deafening levels, invading every unguarded corner,
    I close my eyes,
    Grateful for the memories,
    For each lived and relived moment,
    For the rain,
    For the never setting sun,
    For the beautiful pain eroding my insides with velvet teeth,
    For the stolen moments from the gods' secret drawers,
    For the fire you kindly plucked from your heart and sowed into mine,
    Untamed, wild, incessantly burning,
    For my breath,
    For my life...

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Calling Names...

    I called you my wife,
    I called you my life,
    The blood dripping heart at the end of my knife,
    A garden in May
    With daffodils rife,
    A blue sunny day...

    I called you my eye,
    My heavenly sigh,
    A queen on a pedestal reaching the sky,
    An angel at dawn
    So humanly shy,
    An innocent fawn....

    You seemed not to see
    My faltering plea,
    Your mind in a world of your own roaming free,
    When... after a while
    You looked up at me
    And called me your smile...

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First's...

    First regard...
    Eyes searching for hidden beauty
    Hind evening shadows
    And lowered eyelids,
    Street lamp reflections dressing dark corners
    With glowing warmth
    While noisy headlights rush by
    Splashing flashes of stolen sun puddles
    Upon the mystery of an unseen smile...

    First touch...
    A fingertip reaching through the enveloping obscurity hesitatingly
    Towards the tingling flesh of a bare elbow
    Underneath a short sleeve's lace,
    Unaware of the advancing hand moving its way slowly
    Ignorant of the moment
    Finger touched finger
    Fiercely clasping the burning skin
    And closing with the brute force of a misadjusted vise...

    First kiss...
    Moist lips half opened
    Blindly probing their way towards the flowery fragrance
    Of opening furnace gates,
    Tasting the soft yielding flesh
    And softly sucking in the pounding hurricane
    As wild emotions take over
    And unknown of rage bites deep into demanding body hunger...

    First...
    Hey, kids,
    That's for grownups from this point onwards...

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Lovers' First Kiss...

    Do you remember that moment long due,
    I picked up the phone... "...oh my God, it is you...",
    The shiver that waited long years in my bone
    Asleep in an arrogant world of its own
    Of sudden alive creeping out to my voice
    Its powerful echo defeating all choice
    As out of the mindless receiver a tune
    Reached out to December with flowers of June,
    Soft words hardly passing the gates to my ear,
    A giggle... a click... an embarrassed ... "...I'm here..."
    "Where here?" "At your door, dearest imbecile fool..."
    My hand smashing back to its cradle the tool
    With fingers but ripping the bolts off the door
    Sharp splinters invading the nails with a roar
    A dimly lit cabin, a nervous "Hello..."
    A few rolling beads forging trails down my brow,
    A dry sounding thump as the door locked in place,
    Your hand on the wheel while my eyes searched your face,
    Eternity frozen few moments of life,
    Sparks glinting in eyes electricity rife,
    The fluttering silence of night's velvet cape,
    Bedazzling the perfume of ripening grape,
    My hand inching forward... a will of its own,
    Your half parting lips hind a girl's mocking frown,
    Three inches... then two... then a maddening one...
    A thundering world melting down into none,
    Sweet Eden erupting through blistering lips,
    Devouring sharp teeth cutting long bleeding strips,
    The scorching of breath turning wild screaming hiss,
    The never again taste of lovers' first kiss...

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Q & A...

    I pinched your nose,
    You said "Hello?..."
    I crushed your toes,
    You said "Why so?..."
    I asked "Do you want me to take off your shoe?"
    "This rose..."
    And you winked... "...it will know I love you."

    I pecked your cheek,
    You said "For what?..."
    I tried to peek,
    You said "You rat!..."
    I begged "May I slowly uncover your charms?"
    "You freak..."
    And you laughed... "...you will melt in my arms."

    I hugged your hip,
    You said "Oh, my..."
    I bit your lip,
    You said "That, why?..."
    I pouted "Allow me to visit your bed?"
    "You nip..."
    And you giggled... "...and I'll bite off your head."

    I called you pest,
    You said "Who, me?..."
    I touched your breast,
    You said "Oh, gee..."
    I stuttered "Do you want all of mine, all my art?"
    "Your chest?..."
    And you smiled... "...and inside it your heart?..."

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The Last Day...

    The hardest moment. The last day.

    A week,
    Pulled out from a child's colored fairytales book.
    Starting with a promise
    Carried over by the soft tunes pouring out the radio's oldies station
    As blinking lights and musical beeps accompany each of your moves.
    The rushing traffic carelessly avoiding our isolated island
    Following its mindless race to destinations unclear
    For reasons unknown,
    The muted purring sound of the iron monster underneath us
    Responding blindly with a growl to your graceful fingers' request
    Whenever asked for its well intentioned favors,
    The paralysing tension in the air
    Melting into the forgotten memories sea
    As fingers reached out sliding behind backs
    Gripping each other's body
    And bringing mouths within reach
    Of drinking each other's soul till burning lungs ask for pity...
    A promise made,
    A heartbeat touched,
    A dream weaving itself into reality's fabric.

    A week painted over with the colors of a master craftsman's hand
    As he sketched each day with different lines, different pens,
    Different flavors.
    So simple, so majestic, eternal.
    The forgotten lost trail where we found ourselves one,
    Forever first,
    Time...
    The steaming breakfast we ate on each other's knees,
    Gulping mouthfuls of sweet pancakes
    While drinking eyefuls of warm glances...
    The crammed corner of space in that hidden corner of world where
    Devoured by passion
    We poured into our bodies each other's devastating fire...

    The last day.
    When hands refused to unclasp. Eyes refused to blink.
    Mouths refused to talk.
    Hearts... refused to silence unleashed thunder...
    The hardest moment.
    When you pulled away,
    Your car rolling slowly away yet refusing to part.
    When you stopped. Waiting to recover your sanity,
    To join again a world changed forever
    Yet waiting for your return.
    The long minutes seeing you lost in that big tame rumbling monster,
    Fighting desperately an impulse to rush by your side
    Pull you off that island of your world
    And carrying you into mine.
    Knowing it cannot be done.
    Dreams come true. Fiction does not.
    Pain is real. In all worlds.

    The wheels finally rolling away.
    Carrying you back. Proud.
    Magnificent.
    A queen.

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My Angry Poetess...

    Be the queen who rules the beauty of my desert's howling lands,
    Over wide and shapely valleys flowing rich with finest sands,
    Keep in reign wild roving dune tribes wrestling wind's unending quest,
    Paint the flickers on a night's sky suckling ink from moon's white breast,
    As your molten anger glazes crystal flowers in the sand
    Let it roll, the pearl growing in your fisted bleeding hand,
    As a tear the depth of ocean cuts a trail across your cheek
    Let it shine, the blinding sunlight that your heart begins to leak,
    Clench your roots inside my boulders, sink them deep through gaping cracks,
    Follow down your savage yearning through forbidden fairy tracks,
    Sing each sunset's slumber moments making way for starlight's show,
    Breathe each dawn's life early mornings while your petals wildly grow
    Desert's yellow staining slowly with a dazzling rainbow's tune,
    Be the queen, become the flower, be the dew drop in the dune,
    String your letters long your magic into words of velvet hue,
    Let your anger fade to mercy... then to warmth... to smiles... to you.

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Garden...

    I built you a garden.

    Built... is it the right word?
    I seeded each single flower, each lone shrub,
    Cared for each leaf, cleaned every petal,
    Laid down each pebble along the narrow paths
    Losing their way deep inside mountains I groomed from stone,
    Cupped my hands under summer's rain to carry the water to build your sea,
    Borrowed dying spells from forgotten story tellers
    And planted sun rays stolen from an angry moon...

    Did I build it for you?
    You decided so and once inside
    You shed human clothing from fairy's body
    And naked as evening's sunset mists started running breathlessly
    Afraid to lose even one opening petal's color,
    Rolling pebble's touch, falling sea drop's thunder...
    Scorching lover's caress...

    Your garden, your castle, your wedding vows.

    I kept adding, building, seeding,
    Bridges across rivers raging down green chasms,
    Smells roving round magnificent treetops,
    Sparks lighting unending nights round your hovering heels...
    Your frenzied flights longer, happier, your smiles deeper, wider.

    You were in love. With me.
    This was your garden. Only yours. Ours.

    One day I opened the gates.
    Revealed the secret of the garden's beauty to the world
    And visitors started pouring in,
    Uninvited, noisy, mixing sighs of appreciation with the sound of popcorn...
    You looked at me, reproachfully,
    Your lips smiling, your eyes sad, your heart loving,
    I betrayed our lair, our home, our secret.
    You climbed the mountain top and went to sleep
    Hiding inside the tall undulating wheat field
    Telling me you still love me,
    Telling me you need more time.

    I took the heavy key in my hand,
    I climbed after you panting heavily like a tired horse at end of a work's day,
    Reached your lay and gasping out of breath offered you my rusty key,
    Offered you my deepest colored flower,
    Offered you my roundest pebble.
    Offered you my heart.

    You chose my heart.
    I am still wondering... why?

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Message, two...

    I know.
    I miss you.

    Was trying to find the reason,
    You were trying too,
    You thought I was trying to conquer hearts,
    I thought I was trying to get appreciation,
    How wrong we were,
    Both of us.

    I miss you.
    That is all.
    Terribly.

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Unintentional...

    I touched your scar,
    By mistake,
    I didn't know there is a raw wound underneath,
    Should have...
    You winced in pain,
    Almost cried,
    Looked at me with this mix of innocent blue,
    And accusing red,
    And loving pink...

    You changed, you said,
    You wouldn't have touched my scar earlier times ago,
    You forgot the wound underneath,
    Should not have...
    You were blinded by the bright vague dreams in a world alien to ours
    And you touched my wound,
    Underneath my scar.
    It hurts.

    You didn't cry, you didn't blame, you just said.
    I pulled my hand back, panicking,
    No, I didn't want to hurt you,
    I do not want to hurt you, I love you... I cried.
    Too late, you said.
    Do you really? you asked.
    You changed, you said,
    You wouldn't have touched my scar earlier times ago.
    No, I didn't change, I insisted, try me,
    Ask me how much I love you.

    How much do you love me? you asked.
    I am ready to offer you the stars,
    I am ready to offer you the moon,
    I said.
    You smiled.
    Words, you said, words are easy,
    You don't own the stars, you cannot give me the stars,
    You cannot give me the moon.
    And if you owned and if you gave
    It would mean you want to own me.

    I hurt.
    Try me again, I insisted.
    Ask me how much I love you.

    How much do you love me? you asked.
    I am ready to offer you my life,
    I am ready to offer you my death,
    I said.
    You smiled.
    Words, you said, words are easy,
    I own your life, I will not allow you to offer me your life,
    I will not allow you to offer me your death.
    And if you owned and if you gave
    It would mean you don't love me.

    I hurt.
    Try me again, I insisted a third time.
    Ask me how much I love you.

    How much do you love me? you asked.
    I am ready to offer you my art,
    I am ready to close the gate to the world and leave it open only for you,
    I said. And I did.
    You cried. And you smiled.
    Words, you said, the words of your art,
    You offered me your words, you offered me your soul,
    You gave me your creation.
    You love me,
    you said.
    Now I know.
    Now I know,
    you said.

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Death Of The Fairy...

    Departure

    Oh, venerable fairy, in worlds of gloomy blue
    Your golden dust has settled enslaved by salty dew,
    Your wings so soft and lucid to storm have fallen prey,
    Your rosy cheeks have borrowed a tinge of sweet decay,

    You gasp, your laughter hollow and sadness laden high,
    The whiffs of heartless shadows afraid to touch your sigh,
    Your wand of purple magic has drifted to the ground,
    Your song of waking summer a winter's frozen sound.

    The life of sparkling splendor that once emblazed your eyes,
    The beads your hair adorning like endless fields of rice,
    The crystal studded nail tips that touched to bird its breath,
    So ever slow embracing the greyish hue of death.

    Gone is your prince at sunrise, so many moons ago,
    Your lips a bleeding promise have branded on his brow,
    "Long as the fire's hurting deep in this wound of thine
    The thunder will be sleeping deep in this chest of mine,

    I haven't heard of healing to sickness such I own,
    In sunlight's laughing kingdom such potion lies unknown,
    A fairy's love for mortal... no, lover, please don't cry...
    The ageless law was broken, this fairy... she must die."

    Upon his straining dragon the prince has gone astride,
    "My sweet immortal fairy, my dying fairy bride,
    If sunlight's mighty kingdom knows not to heal your life
    My quest I'll take to darkness, with arm, with bow, with knife,

    Each night my dragon's fury will brand my wound anew,
    Each morn the sunrise glory will touch your lips to dew,
    Long as I'm gone the fire will hurt this wound of mine,
    Long as I'm gone the thunder will dwell this chest of thine,

    If healing gives I find it. If naught through endless days,
    My way your bed of roses will reach through hell ablaze,
    Your side I'll kneel and whisper my soul your weary eye,
    And when your thunder quiets, my dragon slay, then I."

    The wind is howling chilly, long silken dregs so thin
    Bite with a sharp desire to cut the wasting skin,
    The sharp of thorn your body torments to creeping daze,
    The petals shed the flowers, the roses fade to haze.

    "Soft muzzled baby dragons now cloudless skies defy,
    And buds to trunks have thickened and stones to mountains high,
    Thin trickles into rivers are foaming since of long,
    And nest of graceful swallows has grown to mighty throng,

    Oh, prince, oh moons so many you've gone to end of world,
    My body once so tender mid autumn leaves lies curled,
    My naked breast's forgotten the caress of your hand,
    My tiring eyes are counting the grains of falling sand.

    Your ways have you forgotten to withered roses bed
    And other maiden's flowers now crown your handsome head?
    If this my fate be given... then let your wound go dry,
    My thunder let be roaring... just once... then let it die."

    Return

    Through cracking bush-thick timber cuts path a scorching flame,
    Dry blood like crimson daisies to scales hangs with no shame,
    Six arrows deeply buried, five gashes raw and mean,
    Under the savaged muscle hangs claw by thread of skin,

    Forever onward crawling with fearsome bellowed rage
    Its wings the shattered dredges of power stained with age,
    Through endless groaning forests, up mountains rough and tall,
    The pride of dragons carries its helpless human thrall,

    Forever onward crawling through marshes deadly deep
    When wrath of wizards' curses through bone and muscle rip,
    Long frozen icy rivers, across wild desert's storm,
    The beast its human cuddles in pocket soft and warm.

    Forever onward crawling, forever... one more day...
    One sunset, one more morning, one lonesome breath away...
    There... mid the drying meadow, beneath dry petals veil,
    Mid butterflies' old velvet and perfumes long gone stale,

    The touch of death your body has dressed in rainbow white
    Your naked beauty hiding in sleeping rays of light,
    No flutter round your eyelids, no breeze inside your chest,
    Your rigid fingers holding a stem against your breast.

    The beast its heavy body has dragged against your feet,
    Its howl of seeping anguish far mountains gone to meet,
    A prince in broken armor down comes from depth of scale
    His eyes in fever burning, his face the moonlight pale.

    With slow a step approaches the bed of roses dead,
    Brown mud on face three fingers its depth, the flowing red
    Of waking wounds is mixing with crystal clear of tears
    And paths for dirty rivers across his face lines shears.

    "Oh, fairy, wait you promised as long the time will take,
    As long the fire's torture my branded brow will rake,
    As long as I might carry the potion to your ill
    Or else my kiss be waiting before your heart does still.

    I kept my side of promise, return I have today,
    From war one hundred battles and endless fields of slay,
    I served in armies seven, black knights killed thousand score,
    Seed arrowheads my body like ships at stormy shore,

    A dream of hope my banner, a maze my searching path,
    Through dire lands of terror beneath a sky of wrath
    Reached heartless wailing midland of night's unbroken cold,
    For demon's word of wisdom paid half my kingdom's gold.

    His eyes a rippling season of vengeful gruesome fear
    Deep boring to my reason of wish to being here,
    His armies served my anger till day of pay has come
    From eye he shed a crystal the size of rotten plum.

    ęNot tear, but drop of poisonĽ, he said, ęone and no more,
    Die must your fairy lover, day turned your human whore,
    Your anger curb, oh, human, or wage is gone to dust,
    In vault of eggshell matter this drop to guard you must.

    The wizards' laws unwritten by magic be obeyed,
    Your hand which touched the fairy, your hand the fairy slayed,
    When youth and fooldom married for grain of passion's lust
    Tribute your frailth is paying to passion turning dust,

    Your courage, human weakling, is great, your dragon fierce,
    Your will as hard as sunbeams that darkness' kingdom pierce,
    My words carve deep your hearsight fore crawling out of hell,
    One lonely time my telling, one lonely time your spell.

    If love you, fierce and mighty as handle you the sword,
    This riddle you be solving like nursemaid infant's word.
    Death is my trade. You're questing by me so she can live,
    One is the way, none other, for life... you death must give.Ľ

    In smoke and waging thunder the demon's lair has gone,
    Oh, loving fairy wonder of graceful rising dawn,
    Your way I ride my dragon, my heart much torture's nest
    As dreams of crimson laughter paint pains inside my chest,

    Sweet memories assailing my mind with smiling smells,
    The deepest cut of iron fade fore your silver bells...
    I've neared... from daze I've wakened and down to earth I climbed...
    Your promise, oh, you've broken... your life with death has rhymed.

    Your bed... too late? my journey through endless draining haze
    Was punishment for daring a fairy's loving blaze?
    My quest through hell's long havens beneath the barking skies
    A wizard's sneer for fairies adorning human guise?

    Long was my road, your roses my touch turns desert dust,
    Your smile forever buried beneath death's ageless crust.
    Damn wizard, is my wages death side my lover's lay,
    The sharpth of ripping torture by her my only pay?

    Your riddle dark and clueless... one answer... I will know,
    One test... if wrong the answer be cursed and cursed your law,
    If ever darkness after will be my share of life
    My head be lain forever by side of fairest wife,

    And rotten twigs be laying upon the altar's bed,
    And crumbling leaves be crowning my fairy lover's head,
    And shrivelled petals blanket be strewn all round of us,
    And next soft breeze of summer... like gone... like never was..."

    He kneels. Left fisted fingers are squirming back to life,
    His heart over his senses has won the dreadful strife,
    Afraid... yet nestled warmly against the rugged skin
    His wages lies unblemished... a promise... eggshell thin...

    His frozen manner waking his left is flying high
    And crushes like a mountain against his armored thigh,
    With roar of pulsing thunder his chest is storming wild,
    His eyes a flame of anguish, a fearsome prince, a child.

    There, deep inside the rubble of palm upturned to light...
    His right its fingers fury bestrides with insane might
    As softly thumb and finger the shards pull soft of breath
    And crystal drop of poison they touch... if life... if death...

    "Time's here. The riddle's meaning I learned from pain of heart,
    If death the price for living then death is fair a part,
    In demon's magic riddle my faith has come to rest,
    Forgive me, oh, sweet lover, if fail I will the test."

    He stands, the shiny crystal upon your lips to lay,
    A tear of ageless beauty upon a marble tray,
    A trembling hand departing from touch of frozen skin,
    A drifting whisper rising, the morning breeze's twin...

    "My rest of life be counted, the moons I've left to stride,
    The half of it be parted and shared unto my bride,
    The score is not of meaning, be ten, be hundreds on,
    Together we be living, together we be gone..."

    Was this the right undoing, the riddle's hidden door
    Through it the life be swapping the death for moments more?
    Against the dragon's belly he cuddled weary, lone,
    The monster's tender breezing to sooth his tired bone.

    Short shadows getting longer and rolling west to east,
    A freezing night descending, re-birth its daily feast,
    Soft flakes start floating slowly so rich in blinding white,
    Your shape under the blanket wanes sinking out of sight,

    Beyond hidden horizons the splendor goes unfurled
    Unchallenged roves the quiet on dead and frozen world,
    The path before tomorrow runs long with turns unseen...
    A sheath loses its dagger... an eye broods dark and mean...

    End

    A flutter?... soft?... past midnight?... the beast raises a brow,
    The prince pulls out an arrow and sets it to his bow...
    What is this vane illusion approaching way from... where?...
    A butterfly mid winter?... the dragon growls his scare,

    Mid orb of flying rainbows the vision wrong of time,
    Its wings as slow of movement as lover's yearning rhyme,
    Around the crouching figures for moments whirls and twirls,
    Cascade of magic colors like twinkling echoes swirls,

    As mindless as a night moth in search for guiding light
    Beyond the desert whiteness in eerie stumbling flight...
    As mindless?... or as guileless... when slow its petals turn
    And sinks through melting snowflakes, its path a white walled urn.

    Nears prince, the thunder wakens anew inside his chest,
    The blaze of raging colors has touched the crystal's nest,
    The frozen teardrop melting in bleeding hues of red,
    Your lips inhale the crimson, your eyelids snow flakes shed,

    Through cheeks the pink flood spreading, through breasts, through finger ends,
    Its power ever rising with running shivers blends,
    Young buds burn holes through ice pools, your bed turns roses sea,
    The breath... where is it fairy?... the breath to set you free...

    The stem your hand is holding turns supple, bends and curls,
    Thick buds grow into petals, thin knots grow into pearls,
    A thorn... tip sliding softly long naked breasts... so sly...
    Of sudden left breast piercing... a drop of blood.... you sigh...

    Eternity

    Upon a fearsome dragon, upon a once a time,
    A prince carried a fairy, a bride, a dream sublime,
    And lip from lip were drinking the wine of evermore,
    And chest from chest were stealing the heart's eternal roar.

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No Memories Of You I Want...

    I don't want to remember you.
    I don't want memories.
    Memories of kisses softly stolen,
    Hugs forbidden,
    Lunatic escapades under green maned long pathways...
    I don't want answers to questions of "...do you remember?..."
    Nor questions to answers of "...unforgettable..."...
    Unbearable the sweetness of past desires
    Crawling upon my mind with centipede articulations
    Each ending with a sharp poisonous claw,
    Unavailing the words of regret
    Tracing the fountains of unshed tears
    In a vain quest of recognition...

    I don't want to remember you.
    I don't want memories.
    I want nothing to remember.
    I want things to live.
    To hold your hand.
    To smell your hair.
    To kiss your bare shoulder.
    To see you at my side crying at a silly old black and white movie
    While I cry at seeing your pain,
    To feel you hugging the pillow in your dream thinking it is me,
    To watch your face behind a dinner candle...
    To hear you telling me all untold words of love...

    I don't want memories.
    I want life.

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Some Kind Of Magic...

    I sat beside you,
    Closed my eyes,
    Seeing you thirty years ago,
    Thirty... or so...
    Your skin the cool smoothness of a mountain lake on a starlit windless summer night,
    Your eye's depth of blue, depth of warmth, depth...
    Your body, the endless vineyard of sweetest of love's grapes,
    Your mouth... oh, your mouth...
    That ferocious trap cutting through my lips like sharpest of steel knives...

    I opened my eyes,
    Looked at you,
    Thirty years later... how did you do it?
    The smoothness of skin,
    The depth of eye,
    The taste of your body,
    The mouth... oh, the ferocity of that mouth...
    Is it some kind of magic?
    Is there?

    There certainly is.
    In my mind, in my eyes, in my heart.

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Dance...

    Dancing with you,
    Feeling your skin sliding inside the smooth silken sheath enslaving it,
    One shoulder strap fallen baring the smoothness of a thin shoulder,
    My left hand's fingers twined with your right hand's
    Feeling the fingers' metal decorating ribbons click against each other
    While hanging loose at the side of your body
    Touching from time to time your thigh
    And feeling the rippling muscles along it,
    My right hand low on your back,
    Your low cut allowing my fingers the warm taste of skin stretched on your spine...
    And lower,
    Playfully pulling at the robe's fragile seam lines
    Almost tearing them apart,
    Your undulating waist realising in my mind something between hypnosis
    And sea sickness,
    Our knees, touching, separating, touching
    While our thighs push against each other
    Time fleetingly, time lengthwise,
    Time your hip squeezing teasingly into my body
    Lighting me, burning me...
    I feel your breasts pushing against my shirt, my chest,
    Your nipples hard against the fabric testing its strength
    And testing my mind's sanity,
    My head buried in the forest of your artistically disarrayed hair
    While my mouth bites softly your ear,
    Your mouth touches softly my cheek
    And the end of your tongue tastes my pungent after shave,
    Your right hand light behind my head
    Ruffling the short hair at the nape of my neck
    Sending tingling sensations through my body,
    Hurling killing emotions into my chest...
    The music soft,
    The light soft,
    In our ears, in our minds,

    The music never ending,
    In our hearts.
    May I dance you through life, my love?...

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Illusion...

    I tried to find you... something hurt...
    The tender raging craving... "Love... I'm here, my heart please pardon..."
    You smiled. "You fool... I love you. Come..."
    And summer roams my garden...

    *

    I tried to tell you something sweet,
    Rich smells of menthe burning your skin like velvet's longing fingers,
    You did not hear. The bitter taste
    Of menthe in verses lingers.

    I tried to write you something wild,
    Desire's fists ripping your breasts with countless tender roses,
    You did not see. The clawing touch
    Of thorns soft pain imposes.

    I tried to rhyme you something strange,
    Sun roving robins in your mind a forest's drunken clearing,
    You did not feel. The rasping sound
    Of morn the landscape shearing.

    *

    I tried to leave you... something hurt...
    The bitter clawing rasping... "Love... I leave, my heart please pardon..."
    You smiled. "You fool... I love you. Stay..."
    And summer roams my garden...

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Pure...

    Drizzle.
    You pull tight the impermeable jacket around your middle,
    Uncaring about your hair,
    Your bare feet,
    Just the jacket around your middle,
    Tight,
    Protecting the life growing in there,
    Caring,
    And the hell with the rest, the rest wants to enjoy the rain...

    The soft drizzle,
    Mist size droplets
    Penetrating to the roots of your hair
    Accumulating to pearl size drops
    And then rolling down your neck, into your collar,
    Down along your spine,
    Their touch so much like the tips of his fingers...
    Shivers... your skin crawling with the pleasure of the memory...

    I love grey!... you feel like shouting
    And the imposing uniformly grey landscape above your head
    Welcomes your uplifted face
    Allowing the water laden branch above your head to give way under the weight,
    Bending,
    And suddenly granting freedom to a cascade of small rivulets to fly down to earth
    Their short lived excitement,
    Passing by your eyes, your laughing open mouth, your stretched fingers...
    Ouch... you wince,
    A tiny foot kicking your belly from the inside
    Then going to sleep again...

    Pregnant at forty six,
    You're a fool your friends tell you,
    You are insane your grown up kids tell you
    Before leaving with their wives and your grandchildren back to their homes
    Leaving you in the big empty house with the cat and the fifty three year old parrot,
    Ha, you are older than me, you shouted cheerfully at the dumb bird
    Before venturing into the rain
    And compensated with a generous portion of sugared seeds,
    His preferred treat....

    And you, lover, you interrogate your memory,
    What is your preferred treat except for my lips, and my breasts, and my?...
    You explode in laughter as you step into a puddle and mud squishes up your thighs.
    Who is the father? asked indignantly your daughter in law,
    If John was here... she adds,
    But John is not here and I am alive, you think
    And smile at her while she munches on your ninth peanut butter cookie,
    And you are a bit overweight my dear, you say
    Watching her two hundred twenty pounds frame getting up indignantly
    Taking your son's hand in her left hand and a tenth cookie in her right and leaving.

    Quiet. So quiet. The drizzle outside so inviting, you simply could not resist.
    You had to join.

    You joined.
    As happy as a five year old playing forbidden games,
    Games of rain,
    Games of love,
    Games of love,
    Games of love...
    Who is the father?... you repeat in your mind
    Laying cool wet fingers on the stretched skin of your belly,
    Who is your father?...

    The rain feels warm.
    You remove the jacket,
    Open the zipper and lovingly lay down the dress in a pool of mud,
    Take off bra, panties,
    Naked like the mighty trees around you
    You lift your head to the sky
    And remembering long forgotten ballet lessons
    Start pirouetting on outstretched toes...
    The father is the man I will die loving,
    The sweet rain in my life,
    The torrential music in my ears,
    The owner of the life grain seeded in my belly...
    The father is the only man whom I offered to touch my body
    After he offered me to touch my heart...

    The drizzle pours on.
    Your eyes are closed
    Welcoming the help offered by the picking rain
    Into creating the sweeping deluge of tears streaming down your cheeks, your hair,
    Your protruding belly
    And drowning mother earth in so much happiness...

    A tiny foot deforms again your perfection.
    You touch the spot and bring the fingers to your lips.
    Soon, my prince,
    Soon you will know love like none has ever known.
    Except for me.
    I love you.

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Terminal Love...

(Pure. The Prequel...)

    Three years ago.
    Even your silence is poetry, I told her.
    But I am never silent, she protested.
    You sleep, I said, don't you?

    Silence.
    I could hear her fingers freezing above the keyboard,
    Her eyes reading again the words on the screen
    Trying to penetrate a meaning she was unsure of,
    Closing her eyes and remembering earlier remarks shy, irrelevant, revealing,
    Scratching the cat between the ears
    Then suddenly feeling her heart losing its regular step
    As she penetrated the riddle's inner core...
    Her eyes returned to the screen
    No longer averting their regard from what she knew is there, is coming,
    Allowing it to happen by laying out the first lines herself...

          ...When the silent western gateways
          Waken up from daylong slumber
          Stretching lazy fire fingers
          Long horizons painted amber,
          Slides, reluctantly obeying,
          The majestic ball of fury,
          Liquid hell pleading for mercy
          From a ruthless heaven's jury...

    ...said the poet, she wrote.

          ...Let my rays' thin spider fabric
          Linger back a lonely instant
          Time my bulk through yawning ocean
          Sinks to worlds a nightlife distant,
          And while white's eternal colors
          Dress this mortal's raving petals,
          I will flare one timeless eon
          As her passion my heart nettles...

    ...said the sun, said the poet, said I, I wrote.

    Her eyes riveted to the screen,
    Hoping not to see, knowing she will see,
    Yearning for a reality molded into a frozen dream,
    Magnificent, dead, like a masterpiece.

    Marry me... I said.
    You know I cannot... she said.
    I know you cannot. Love me... I said.
    You know I do... she said.
    I know you do... I said.

    Three years ago. Three years day and day.
    Love unending.
    She said the words,
    I rhymed them,
    She colored her moods in her words,
    Times a girl, times a forest,
    Times an autumn day chasing unbearable summer heat
    With sparkling moist breaths
    Born depth of musty wells bordered by blooming daffodils...
    Blue daffodils... I rhymed...
    Yellow... she chimed...
    Blue, I insisted, blue, like the white of your teeth, like the red of your lips...
    Blue, she agreed, like the crystal of your eye, like the golden thread of your love...

    For long days the screen would stay blank,
    A blinking cursor beating with mathematical accuracy each so and so seconds,
    An empty mailbox, a pain at the bottom of a deep pit hidden inside my belly,
    And then suddenly thousands of suns
    Bursting like tons of popcorn in a forest fire magnified to cosmic dimensions
    Filling my screen with screams of pleasure, of fascination,
    Interminable excuses as sweet as a virgin's first cry of delight
    That so few have ever had the right to hear,
    And kisses, so many, raging, intoxicating, delirious death in a shattering embrace...

    Ending with a question. Always.
    Do you love me?
    Turning off the screen. Always.
    Before I had time to answer.
    Afraid of the answer. Knowing the answer. Telling me the answer next time.
    You do.

    Three years ago. Three years day and day. Three years now.
    Yesterday.

    We never met, she said.
    We never met, I agreed.
    We never touched, she said.
    We never touched, I agreed.

    The never line, the line I feared beyond reason,
    The nightmare seeded in each of my ecstatic dreams
    Now finally showing signs of life on its own,
    Our enthralling garden finally giving in through one long neglected corner
    To an all powerful weed threatening the lanes, the trees,
    And most of all the flowers, oh, the flowers...

    We will never meet, she said,
    I did not respond.
    We will never touch, she said.
    I did not respond.
    I could hear her fingers flying softly above the keyboard,
    Hardly touching,
    Rare, lonely drops of rain hitting randomly one of the keys
    And splashing crystallizing salt sparks upon the unblinking screen.
    My mind's eye lowered its eyelid,
    Imagining her delicate hand
    Holding a long white shapely feather between her fingers,
    Dipping it from time to time in blue-violet ink
    And branding small words in impeccable calligraphy on a piece of satin paper...
    A queen in love with the accused delivering her sentence...
    A death sentence...

    Don't answer, my screen will be off as you do,
    I will never know your answer,
    I don't want to know your answer,
    I love you too much for an answer.
    You gave me life,
    So much life,
    An exquisitely exotic garden of words garnered at petals' rims,
    Decorating oddly shaped leaves,
    Hanging onto the flowing mists undeciphered messages
    Waiting for a magic wand to turn them into colorful fountains of warmth...
    All I gave you is but time. Loss. Time.
    There is so much life in you,
    So much joy,
    So much need for a woman's subtle breeze

          To blow raging fires in your hidden desires,
          To merge in your nights with your body's delights,
          To shave your day's stubble and sooth your heart's rubble...

    My last mail. Don't cry.
    I do.
    I cannot stand your pain.
    I am but a screen,
    Cold to the touch, silent, breathless,
    You don't see my smile, you don't hear my sigh,
    So far away.
    Unreachable,
    Non existent, a dream we had,
    We cannot have.
    You are so warm,
    Passion flows so freely through your veins...

    Oh, the flourishing storms in my mind so hurtful...

    Warmth you need,
    A warm woman you need, warm, close, warm,
    There,
    They are,
    Waiting for you,
    Close to you, to your touch, to your need,
    To a body locked away from life for three long years

          To love you, oh, madly,
          For hours and years,
          To kiss, oh, so gladly,
          Your sadness and fears,
          To share in your death
          When the sun rises west
          Your lips to her breath,
          Your hand to her breast...

    You are free.

    The screen went blank.
    Nooo... I screamed, you witch, you life, you love...
    How did you do it,
    What kind of trick is that,
    Oh, back... please come back,
    Please...

    But the cursor kept blinking at its mathematically calculated corner,
    With its mathematically calculated accuracy,
    Counting accurately the flood of life leaving my body
    And evaporating through my fingertips.

    *

    A knock at the door.
    She opened.
    Blue lines decorating the wasted gardens underneath her eyes
    Like a field of bluebells growing wild along a rift in the landscape.
    She signed the registered letter,
    Big red warning words on the envelope about the futility of tax evasion,
    Crime, punishment...
    She sighed, tired, numb. Opened the envelope.
    A narrow long piece of paper fell to the carpet.
    She picked it up.
    One word written on it. Ring.
    She closed her eyes,
    Waited. Minutes. Hours. A smile frozen on her lips.
    Then she took the narrow piece of paper,
    Dropped a point of glue on it
    And wrapped it around the second from left finger of her left hand.
    She knew the choice is out of her hand,
    The magic was working,
    There was no volition in the move that
    With a sharp snapping sound
    Turned the screen on.
    No volition... so why were there thousands of horses running wild
    In the desert of her chest?

    The message waiting for her on the screen said
    Lover,
    Do you admire my sleight of hand
    Or are you ready to bite my head off
    In one of those wonderful excesses of fury
    You never showed me you are capable of?
    Even when I angered you terribly.
    You always forgave me,
    Do you forgive me now?

    I followed your advice. Seriously,
    Don't you believe me?
    Listen.
    I met this gorgeous, tall, shapely blonde,
    I told her I am a poet,
    She immediately unzipped my pants,
    Took them off
    And started going through my pockets.
    I told her I am poor.
    Then she slapped me
    And left. Took my pants with her.

    She stopped for a moment,
    The smile getting to life, cutting deeper into her face,
    The whiteness of shyly hiding teeth showing...

    I didn't give up. I don't give up so easily, you know me.
    I met this gorgeous, tall, shapely blonde,
    No... no, another one.

    By now the smile turned into puppy laughter,
    Rolling tears burning round holes into the carpet
    Before sizzling away into phosphorescent nothingness.

    I told her I am a poet.
    She immediately unzipped her pants,
    Took them off
    And showed me the poem tattooed on her butt's left cheek,
    The side of the heart...

    I  AM  BAD
    I  LOVE  DED

    I pointed the spelling mistake to her.
    Then she slapped me.
    And left. Leaving her pants with me.

    She reached the bottom line on the screen,
    By now laughing hysterically,
    Rolling on the floor
    With the cat chasing angrily the beads rolling from her eyes
    And magically vanishing at claw's touch.
    She stopped. Frightened.
    The following screen waiting to be pushed up.
    All she had to do is push one key.
    She pushed the key.

    It started
    Child,
    If it was this world's reality that I was looking for
    I would have found it. Easily.
    If it was dancing, loving, making love
    I could have found it. Easily.
    If I could not have waited eternity
    I would not have made the first three years steps of eternity's road...
    And now six more months since you disappeared.

    I wanted the legend,
    You gave me the legend.
    I wanted the queen,
    You made me a knight.
    I wanted the passion,
    You poured upon me turmoil, fire, hell, life.
    I wanted you.
    One day, you will give me... you.

    She closed her eyes.
    There was more text on the screen,
    She did not have to read it. She knew it.
    Not even wondering how.
    She huddled in the long sofa's corner,
    Knees to chin,
    Hands around knees,
    Pale lips softly reciting his unseen words...

          Worlds ago, in molded armor down my muscles' ire shaped,
          Wild my mount, the bastard stallion son to mare by tempest raped,
          Light my sword forged depth of sunset bearing magic long its blade,
          Huge the dragon's coiling fury, small the riding gentle maid.

          Maiden, your's the choice of battle, craves my heart your tender breast,
          Say the word and magic guide me carving heart off dragon chest,
          Say the word and if your wish is I will breach my blade times three,
          On my knees I'll pray your beauty as your dragon's slaying me...

    More, there is more...

          Worlds ago, the stardom fury shaped its army's scoreless ways,
          Mighty fire raging pebbles strewn long ropes of braided rays,
          I, the sun, immortal soldier, blazing glare my warring trade,
          Teeming mindless life my kingdom, and one smiling gentle maid.

          Maiden, your's the choice of kingdom, craves my heart your tender lips,
          Say the word and barren planets I'll emblaze to flying ships,
          Say the word and if your wish is trade my hell to candle flame,
          As your lips I touch in wonder softly breathe and wipe my name...

    There is more, does she dare?...

          Days ago, my face unshaven framing clouds beneath my eyes,
          Steady fingers wording anger under torment's strutting vise,
          Wild the manner I decided past the edge to soar and fade,
          Restful... calm... she touched my fingers, oceans far the gentle maid.

          Maiden, your's the choice of morrow, craves my heart your tender life,
          Say the word and born be legends... knight's... and sun's... and poet's wife...
          Say the word and if your wish is I will dry my ink's last rhyme,
          Never more to sing your beauty, never more, till start of time...

    She opened her eyes,
    Got up,
    Went to the screen and to the message waiting for her,
    Clear, unambiguous, sharp.

    Child,
    Say the word.

    *

    I was lying on the floor,
    My eyes fixed to the yellowish bulb,
    The incandescent wire slightly vibrating.
    I knew when.
    I did not know if,
    I did not know what.
    I heard the first beep. The if was answered.
    I waited.
    I heard a second one. Then a third.
    Then quiet.
    I waited. Shivering. Something was wrong,
    Not three, she knows, not three,
    Three is wrong,
    She knows three is wrong.
    I need one more beep, girl.
    Mercy, please have mercy.

    I remained lying on the floor one more hour.
    Hoping. Praying. Giving up.
    I went to the screen.
    Yellow incandescence patches dancing in front of my eyes,
    Three characters waiting for me,
    Indifferent.
    I stared blindly at the three Xs hiding my life,
    Then clicked them one by one.
    I-D-O
    I dared blink
    Just as a smiley preceded message started rolling in...

    You asked for one single word, didn't you?...

    She ripped my sanity,
    She raved my heart.
    She ravished my life.

    I love you.

    I still wonder... who of us said it?...

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Evasive Memories...

    I hear them roving in my mind
    Through pathways partly hidden,
    Evasive memories from times
    Of lust, of love forbidden.

    In eyes unseeing leaving trace,
    Torn chapters with no story,
    Faltering streaks of drifting pain,
    Receding gusts of glory.

    From time to time inside my chest
    I hear lamenting rumble,
    I wonder, smiling, love or life
    Will be the first to crumble?

    *
    Of sudden... how?... whence comes this tune
    This sweeping gale unending,
    The ripping caress... with one touch
    My bleeding spirit mending?...

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Did You Lose Your Way?...

    Did you lose your way
    Somewhere, in the wilderness of real life
    Along the path leading to that secluded place
    I was waiting for you?
    Did reality's hooks bite into your flesh
    And with one painful jerk
    Pull you back to the neatly paved road
    Leading so clearly from one nowhere
    To another?

    Shall I open my vein
    And mark your way
    With haze surrounded blood drops
    Like in old fashioned kids' stories,
    Over hills, down valleys,
    Over seas?...
    Do you think you will be able to find them in the sea?
    Not that it matters
    As, with the last drop leaving my body,
    Fathoms deep my body will sink,
    Sea water filling my emptied veins,
    Fishes nestling in my emptied eyes,
    Sand slowly sifting through my emptied heart.

    The sound of your heels hollow on the pavement
    As you drag your living carcass
    Through shops, through theatres, through beds,
    The sound of chains muffled to the ears,
    Visible in your eyes
    As you wade on,
    Elegant, proud, broken.

    When was it that you suddenly heard the silence?
    Was it? Will it be?
    Shedding your hooks,
    Pieces of flesh still clinging to the unforgiving steel
    Prey to buzzards and scorn,
    Your pain invisible, receding,
    Your gait careless, ecstatic as you rediscover your freedom
    And wanting eyes desperately start questing the trail...

    When the first drop you will find
    Let your smile be warm and kind,
    When one hundred drops you've kissed
    Find the three that you have missed,
    At two hundred... fades the trace
    And your eyes dress teardrop lace
    As through waist-deep grass you wade
    And your visions slowly fade...

    Girl, oh girl, deny your tear,
    Let my whisper find your ear,
    Let my flower prick your skin,
    Let my caress cleanse your sin,
    Call, and empty veins will roar,
    Empty eyes defy will pour,
    And an empty heart will wake
    Forging sand to crystal lake.

    As this smile your body rips
    Crystal rain will touch your lips.

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Lifeline...

    Life,
    The vise gripping your body
    In its inevitable embrace,
    Its tentacles sunk deep in your flesh,
    Feeding on you,
    Keeping you alive as long as you serve its purpose
    Then ready to throw your empty shell away.
    Symbiosis,
    Unjust, uneven,
    Giving you in return breath...
    And pain...
    Terrible, unimaginable pain...

    You looked up at me,
    Waiting, not asking,
    Waiting for a nod of my head,
    Was your wait long?
    Fractions of a second?
    I nodded,
    You hesitated
    While I took your hand holding the lifeline
    And guided it to my chest,
    Opened my shirt
    And let you plug it into my heart...

    To share the life,
    To share the pain,
    Sharing the love.

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Hungry...

    I'm hungry for you, you said.
    Your desire's entrails rumbling loud,
    Your mellow voice sliding slowly over my skin,
    Soaking into my flesh
    Like thick boiling honey, softening its texture,
    Readying it for the supreme sacrifice
    When I lie down on your plate
    And your mouth tortures me into voluntary submission
    To the ripping sound of salivating teeth
    To the crawling insistence of a rasping tongue
    To the sublime pleasure of being nibbled to death
    While regarding the cannibalistic satisfaction in your fixed gaze
    As you gulp mouthfuls of me.

    Your hunger satisfied
    You fall asleep by my side,
    My ear on your stomach,
    Listening...

    Quiet.

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Dreams, Reality...

    If I were a bird I would sore through the temples of your soul,
    My mighty wings would caress your heart with the gentleness of an angel's shadow,
    My talons would carry you away to a distant garden created out of pieces of my heart.
    There, I would sing to you all the colors of my love,
    We would share a forbidden devoted passion the world has not yet known,
    You would bless me with the seeds of life
    I would build a nest for my eggs
    And protect them with my very being.
    The garden would flourish with love, happiness, and new life.
    You would stand tall and proud,
    You would stay, knowing no other was ever loved so selfishly,
    So wanting, so adoringly... so ultimately.

    But alas, I am not a bird,
    Just a woman who lives on the wings of passion in her mind
    Fed by the fervor of a man's heart that can never be caged...
    Yet, both existing... somehow in the painful reality of another world.
    Secretly grabbing any tiny pieces that we can,
    Misplaced... born the wrong time and place...
    Soul mates who will never be complete,
    Living in two different worlds,
    Abridged by one heart.
    Do not cry for me for I am not sad.
    It would be sad if we had not found each other.
    In a world full of injustice, we found a secret garden to share.
    If you listen carefully, you can hear the melodies of love from within.
    ...Forever and a day my love...

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Beauty...

    Beauty,
    So personal,
    Can I define it the way you want it,
    Is it impressions, colors, memories you want,
    Is it a rolling whisper
    Sweeping you off your feet, smashing your body into thousands of sparks
    Igniting your imagination
    Dragging you through thorn fields
    Crushed flowers sticking to your naked body
    Dressing it in never woven crumbling petals?
    Beauty,
    Not sure I can define it any way,
    Is it definable?

    That day,
    Long ago,
    When aged eight I faced my most cruel enemy,
    Three years older,
    The one that shoved his finger in my face scoffing at my difference
    And making it sound an aberration
    Till I bent down raking the frozen snow with rigid fingers
    And hitting him in the eye,
    Falling to the ground with a pack of mad human cubs on my back
    Rubbing my face in the melting ice, punching my body,
    The pain soaking into my flesh...
    The beauty of the pain, of being cut down when refusing to bend...
    Is this the beauty you are looking for?...

    The girl aged thirteen,
    Same as me,
    When the sudden wind billowed her skirt upwards
    Inviting my eyes to a momentary view of pale knobby legs
    Ending in a pair of boyish looking briefs
    Colored white with red dots,
    Before she desperately pulled the skirt down
    Looking at me, begging with no words that I do not laugh
    At her tear filling eyes,
    And blushing to my ears I did not,
    The beauty of innocence waking up to life...
    Is this the beauty you are looking for?...

    My mother's hands,
    A lifelong of hard work encrusted into the rough fingers
    Ending in fire red nail polish
    Peeling around the edges
    Now finally at rest
    Unresponding to my hand's squeeze
    As she lay comatose on the large hospital bed
    Not listening to my begging words
    To return home before it is too late to return anywhere,
    Then listening to my begging words that she leaves
    Before withering amongst the tubes forest invading her privacy
    With the callous indifference of a plastic soul,
    My mother's fingers memory...
    Is this the beauty you are looking for?...

    A woman's love,
    One I never saw, never touched, never kissed,
    Living with me a lifetime of words,
    Phrases,
    Rhymes clashing mid of thoughts' highways
    Filling the void within with undulating whispers
    Promising an eternity to come once the irrelevancies of reality die away
    In their flesh drawers
    Making place for a raging passion immeasurable by human artifice
    Pulling God's sleeve and asking for recognition
    Of a fire never to be consumed, never to be started,
    A woman's love, waiting to never happen...
    Is this the beauty you are looking for?...

    Beauty,
    So many ways,
    Do you think I touched the essence of even one single letter?

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Letters, One...

    She looks at me, questioning.
    I smile,
    I smile at another woman,
    Tell jokes, dance,
    Share my philosophy of life over a glass of beer,
    Exchange niceties, letters.

    She looks at me.
    She smiles,
    She reads beyond the artifice of my smile,
    She knows that hiding behind the jokes, the dance,
    Sunk into the beer and coloring the philosophy
    And unwritten in the letters
    Cowers a forgotten little boy
    Madly in love with her
    Afraid of the distance,
    Afraid of time,
    Afraid...

    She knows,
    Willing to forgive the unforgivable
    Knowing there is nothing to forgive,
    Willing to love through the impossible
    Knowing there is so much love to share,
    Willing to wait,
    Knowing for sure that there is a maybe...

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Letters, Two...

    Do I fear your thunder,
    Your slashing claw penetrating my chest
    And cutting through my entrails looking for the heart,
    Do I fear your fire,
    Your storming armies crashing down my castle's walls
    And ravaging my fleshless body with endless streaking arrows?

    No. I fear not.
    What I fear... is your pain.

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Letters, Three...

    You lifted your hand
    To touch my face,
    You tried...
    Air,
    Empty fragrances filling up your cupped palm
    Sifting through your fingers, uncontrollable
    Like memories of me,
    Fading into the daily city hum,
    Petrol fumes,
    And telephone bills.

    You screamed,
    Nobody heard you but you screamed,
    Your fists punching tiny holes in phrases your mouth formed
    Bringing about raised eyebrows from your listeners
    So used to your blinding brilliance
    And unperturbed smiles,
    Grimaces,
    So unlike you.

    Legends,
    You closed your eyes,
    Looking at me with fairies' words
    Creating realities the way they should have been
    In worlds where there is no past, no memories,
    No regrets,
    Only fairies, unicorns, lovers.
    We.
    A legend.

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Airport Memories...

    Thousands of people,
    Well, maybe I exaggerate a bit,
    Hundreds, ok?
    Doesn't matter, I am alone...
    Rushing to the planes, flooding the shops,
    Eating, drinking, smoking...
    I am alone.

    Just a pen, a piece of paper for company,
    A bunch of memories doubtful in their veracity
    Chasing each other merrily,
    Blindly,
    Trying to seduce me with a fixed unblinking stare
    And build a past out of disconnected crumbs,
    Vision snippets,
    Dream flashes stolen from dreamless nights,
    Build a future maybe?
    Memories of a future to come...
    Wouldn't it be magnificent to remember my tomorrow?

    Why do you stare at me?
    Are you a crumb off my past,
    A vision snippet, a stolen dream?
    Are you a memory reaching back from a distant tomorrow
    Begging me to believe in your reality?

    Your fingers touch me, they are cool... so odd...
    I remember fire, I tell you,
    Why are your fingers cold?
    You remember true, you say,
    You remember yesterday.
    And you are tomorrow and tomorrow is cold?
    Oh, no, tomorrow is fire, yes, I am tomorrow, I know.
    And your fingers? I ask.
    You hesitate, a memory hesitating to remember,
    Then you touch me again,
    I wince in pain, it is hot, the burn sign on my skin swelling,
    I am your memory, you say,
    Your choice,
    Yesterday or tomorrow,
    Cold or hot,
    Sometimes you remember wrong,
    Sometimes you forget,
    Sometimes you refuse to believe
    But you can never deny me, I am your memory.

    I start, reading the words I laid down on paper
    Unknowingly,
    Bewildered,
    Did I dream it all?
    And then I know, I remember,
    My tomorrow, my choice,
    My life to come,
    Is the fact that I smile reason to believe I like it?
    No. It is reason to believe that I believe in it.

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Miles...

    The miles,
    Once so short, I see them swelling,
    Insignificant distances become measurable,
    Inches become yards,
    Words lose their power as whispers need be shouted
    Changing shared intimacy into incoherent meaningless rumble.

    I reach out
    Testing the distance with a phrase,
    Then several phrases,
    Then a poem,
    Measuring the distance by the intensity of the echo,
    Is there an echo at all,
    Are the tiny vibrations I sense sign of departing mountains
    Or pure noise emanating from a non returning answer
    Lost... or never voiced?

    I sit down.
    I will wait.
    I know my physics,
    I will close my eyes waiting for the miles to shrink again to inch size,
    Then to nothing size,
    Then to nothing.
    I don't have even to open my eyes.
    I keep whispering
    Words, phrases, poems,
    And when I hear my whisper returning
    I will know she is back.

    If I don't hear, you ask?
    Well, by then I will probably not have to open my eyes anymore.
    You see, by then I will be beyond caring.

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Lady K...

    Lady K, your blue of eye,
    Desert's lonely piece of sky,
    Jails behind its silken bars
    Passions deep as mountains high,
    Bleeding scars.

    Lady K, your red of blood
    Painting sun's ascending flood
    Claws its way inside your tears
    Streaming like volcano's mud,
    Burning fears.

    Lady K, your white of wing,
    Pure like mountain's icy spring,
    Soothes my craze inside your nest
    As you hug my golden ring
    To your breast.

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If You Knew...

    Miss you days and miss you nights
    Miss you wrongs and miss you rights
    Answer not my puzzled frown
    Answer not my rusting crown
    Vanquish depths of fading fears
    Vanquish depths of crawling years
    Enter proud a life's main door
    Enter proud awaiting shore
    Tell me when your smile is lone
    Tell me when your love is gone.

    Come and knock upon my gate
    Come and make me share your fate
    Hover soft and touch my brow
    Hover soft inside my vow
    Ask me when I up and go
    Ask me not of things you know
    In the depths of ever more
    In the years of endless score
    Miss you days and miss you nights
    Miss you wrongs and miss you rights.

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Sons Of...

    Inside of garden's broken fence
    I saw you feeding sons of dog,
    To magic lands of no pretence
    I lost you.
    Whence this blinding fog?

    Amidst of forest's fallen trees
    I saw you feeding sons of deer,
    The call of sweet enticing breeze
    You followed.
    Whence this steaming tear?

    Behind of window's tarnished pane
    I saw you feeding sons of man,
    Your smile I tried to paint in vain,
    You're fading...
    Whence this fear... you can?...

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Smilin' Rose O' Winds...

    Take my money, take my gold,
    Take my ring of age untold,
    Take my diamonds counted three,
    Never take my horse from me.

    Sunset red merged sunrise white
    Fierce a mare of footstep light
    Copper mane through coal black eye
    Roaming wild the mountain's sky
    Till with early morning's dew
    Rides my way the tameless shrew.

    Sweating rump craves for my hand,
    Angry hooves my shoulder brand,
    With mischievous equine charm
    Glinting teeth rip half my arm,
    Flaring nostrils touch my chest...
    What's that neighing rising west?
    When she bounces way from me
    Ever mine, and ever free...

    Take my honor, take my pride,
    Take my joy an ocean wide,
    Take my dreams high mountains three,
    Never take my dog from me.

    Moonless black merged snowball stain
    Fierce a bitch of devil's grain
    Ploughing scars down shiny bone
    Drilling gaze hard river stone
    Depth of forest out she comes
    Growling death around me hums.

    Hanging tongue attacks my face,
    Begging paws my caress chase,
    With mischievous canine charm
    Curling colts rip half my arm,
    Rubs against my legs the beast...
    What's that howling rising east?
    When she bolts away from me
    Ever mine, and ever free...

    Take my reason, take my heart,
    Take my soul to rip apart,
    Take my life ten years times three,
    Never take my mate from me.

    Wheat field gold merged fathoms blue
    Fierce a woman hot of brew
    Dripping honey long of drop
    Spitting fire rich of crop
    Holds my path this blinding gleam
    Magic born of wildest dream.

    Gliding hands raise torments deep,
    Brushing lips long fingers creep,
    With mischievous feline charm
    Shining pearls rip half my arm,
    Snuggles close against my mouth...
    What's that laughter rising south?
    When she tears away from me,
    Ever mine, and ever free...

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Versi Simplissimi...

    This debate
          may be above
          hate and love.

    Those who hate
          love... above
    They may love
          hate... debate

    Or perhaps
          above the hate
    They prefer
          to love debate

    While they do
          debate the love
    Letting linger
          hate above

    In this world of
          love and hate
    There's a rhyme
          above debate

    Let us keep above
          the love
    And debate...
          just hate.

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A Drop Of Magic...

    Above my head a tiny cloud...
    Whence born its thunder mighty loud
    As fore my eyes it turns to drop,
    So strangely proud?

    I gaze inside the grain of rain...
    Amid a wide and barren plain
    A waving hand beckoning in,
    Am I insane?

    I try to find a hidden door...
    The drop has soaked into the floor
    The waving hand fading and gone
    Forever more.

    I watch the drying stain aghast,
    One instant's magic... then it passed,
    I'll never know what might have been
    Tomorrow's past.

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Lilac For Me, For You A Rose...

    You said you're lost inside my love,
    The garden's grown a bit too wild,
    Red gaping wounds adorn the walls
    And chilling breeze of perfume mild
    Disturbs you, child.

    You said the paths have grown too wide,
    Alien flowers freshness rife
    Of strident colors loud of mouth
    Are waging war in mindless strife,
    You're sad, my wife.

    You said my hand has tended weed
    While buds from red to yellow fade
    And glaring sun burns desert stains
    Amid the beds of broken shade,
    You cry, my maid.

    Just tell me word, and bare of hand
    I'll rip all roots beneath, above,
    I'll mend the walls and plough the paths,
    Torn bleeding flesh my tender glove,
    For you, my love.

    Just pray my eye, and drops of blood
    Will paint the seed's short dreamless doze,
    And as it soaks away my life
    Will burst, will sprout... my eyes will close...
    Lilac for me,
    For you a rose...

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Cool...

    I pull my hand back, frightened,
    For a moment I touched you
    Then I found out it is the cool of steel
    Fitting so warmly in my palm,
    I pulled my hand back, frightened.

    I stopped counting at thirty two.
    Days, not years.
    First day was usual,
    You probably forgot, or busy.
    Same second day,
    After all you live your life, I live mine.
    Third day I felt uneasy,
    After ten days I knew,
    I did not have to consult my inbox anymore,
    It was not going to come.
    Your last mail was the last I received,
    No other is going to be the last.
    What was it you wrote there?
    Not even a hint, your voice so cheerful,
    Promising. Then quiet. No more.
    I don't even wonder why,
    What good?
    It is over.
    Was it there at all, ever?
    Fire, passion, promises...
    Was it there at all?

    I pull my hand back, frightened,
    For a moment I touched you
    Cool, warm...
    I stretch my fingers again,
    I want to touch you, curl my fingers around you...
    So cool... So warm...

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Once Upon...

    Once upon a time
    You begged me for a smile,
    If blue as teardrops in your eyes
    If long as long's the Nile.

    Once one early spring
    You read my rhyme aloud,
    And mixing sigh with whispered verse
    You wove a silken shroud.

    Once my garden's floor
    I paved with words for you,
    With kites attached to flower stems
    Revelling in the dew.

    Once I was a king
    My kingdom was your heart,
    Proud vowel knights on poem's land
    Obeyed my humble art.

    *

    Once upon a time,
    Once one early spring,
    Once my garden's floor,
    Once I was a king.

    *

    Yes, once upon a time
    I begged you for a smile,
    My eyes of tears are barren now,
    My soul is bare of guile.

    Yes, once one early spring
    I read your rhyme aloud,
    I learned to cower in my skin
    And hide from sight of crowd.

    Yes, once your garden's floor
    You paved with words for me,
    A chilly breeze now whips my brow
    Through cracks no others see.

    Yes, once you were a king
    Your kingdom was my heart,
    My wish obey, I beg of you,
    My heart do take. Then part.

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Poetic Ends...

    I often wondered how the end would look like.

    Poetic promises changing into literary sentences,
    Sentences changing into randomly disconnected words,
    Words disintegrating into their basic components of
    Vowels, consonants,
    Of impeccable calligraphy and meaningless reason
    Like exploding pellets from a shotgun with no independent mind of their own
    Screeching the way broken pebbles would grate between teeth
    Before sinking indifferently in the flesh
    Cutting veins, heart, life...

    The end,
    When the only meaningful message left
    Hides undecipherable inside the twenty six letters of the abc...

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Colors Mill...

    I danced with a woman,
    Her feet on the ground,
    I was floating,
    Her eyes closed,
    I was looking behind her eyelids
    Straight into her dreams,
    Black and white
    With stains of forest green wherever I dared touch them.

    I sang with a woman,
    Her mouth smiling,
    I was echoing her smile,
    Her eyes closed,
    I was roving free inside her garden
    Stealing apples from her hidden trees,
    Green
    Painting them pollen gold with the calligraphy of my rhyme.

    I made love with a woman,
    Her body giving,
    I was robbing her of her heart,
    Her eyes closed,
    I was gulping mouthfuls of her body's flower
    Looking for the cherries,
    Gold
    Turning blood red as she helped my mouth pick them up.

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Inspired...

    From words unborn I drank the sound,
    In lands unknown I touched the ground,
    Through dreams undreamt I reached the sky,
    In virgin's bud uncouth and shy
    I breathed life... The butterfly
    Can die...

    On dewy lawns I lay my head,
    Wild rosebush thorns my tender bed,
    Against my ear a robin cries,
    Clear steaming stream of melting ice
    Rolls from my heart... Its thunder's vice
    Just dies...

    Inside a book's old crumbling walls
    A broken verse through pages crawls,
    In vain its search for mating bride,
    The years have slowed its reaching stride,
    One mighty roar... With fading tide
    It died...

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Icicles...

    I have millions of tears left,
    Happiness tears,
    Stored some undefined place, hidden,
    Waiting for the dam to be broken
    Before flooding the valleys, the oceans,
    Feeding salt to daffodils, and lilies, and roses...
    Did you know that flowers thrive on the salty trail of happiness tears?
    I wonder, will I be seeing the desert blooming in their wake?

    I have few pain tears left,
    So few... I wonder, don't remember shedding them,
    Where did I spill them,
    Could it be they hide in between the lines, the words, the rhymes,
    Did I write so many poems
    Or maybe they hide also in between the verses of my unwritten poems?
    Or in the dreams I don't remember?

    Icicles,
    Cold breath freezing the tears before they reach my cheeks,
    I don't know, are these the few pain tears I still have left
    Cowering away deep in their windowless burrows
    Yet unable to resist the urge
    Or the countless happiness tears eager to burst out at a price of freezing death?
    Poor tears,
    Powerless against the fearsome cold invading their life
    As I lean forward trying to recover some warmth from my dwindling sanity
    Allowing the beautiful icicles stretch against their will
    Till my body cannot carry the weight anymore
    And finally tumbles down to its interminable death.

    My last irrelevant thought being
    Will I hear the sound of breaking ice
    Before fading away knowledgeable of abandon and unknowledgeable of reason?...

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Your Number...

    You are not my number one
    Not my sun,
    My waiting gun,
    Not the path to heaven's gate
    Not my mate,
    My poisoned bait...

    You are not my number first
    Not my thirst,
    My body's burst,
    Not the flowers' boundless field,
    Not my shield,
    My life repealed...

    When I'm crumbling sad and lonely
    You are there, my number only...

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Going Am I...

    Going am I,
    Don't you cry.

    In the wake of parting May
    Whilst your dreams with flowers play
    Run wild memories astray.

    Down your secret depths of heart
    Hide my touches, hides my art,
    Does it hurt my sunken dart?

    Every sunrise, time you wake,
    Drops a tear into the lake
    Built of endless shapes of ache.

    Every sunset, time you dream,
    Drops a smile into the stream
    Flowing down your silent scream.

    Gone is May, and autumn's deep
    Lulls your memories to sleep,
    Sweet's the sorrow, and you weep.

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Pinocchio...

    You opened the crate,
    Pulling out shrieking nails from the humid wood,
    Nail, after nail, some you had to break,
    Layers of dust disturbing your vision
    As you persisted in the effort,
    Sweating, cursing, never giving up,
    One last rough point, a cracking sound,
    The cover coming off...
    What is hiding at the bottom of this strange, origins unknown, box?

    You picked me up from inside,
    Looked at me with a questioning eye as if deciding to burn me or repair me,
    Then your mind set, you laid me down on your work table
    And started working on me.
    The simple things first -
    Some oil inside the creaking joints,
    Some chipped parts replaced with new ones,
    Chiselling some rough points and then smoothing them over with glass paper,
    Fixed a new valve to the pump in my chest
    And replaced so many cogwheels in my brains
    That you may have as well replaced my full head.
    But you did not want to replace the head. Neither the pump.

    You looked pensively, hesitating,
    Playing god has advantages,
    It has drawbacks, risks,
    The risk of falling in love with your creation,
    The risk of your creation betraying you.
    You picked up the brush, dipped it in colors and started painting,
    Giving yourself the time to think, to decide,
    The brush laying out layer after layer of inexistent colors
    Mixed specially for me with the tip of your tongue
    And the dripping honey of your eye,
    The colors soaking into the wood masking away the pallor of the skin,
    The blandness of the expression,
    The transparency of the liquid silently sleeping inside the pump.

    You turned me over, your moment of hesitation gone,
    You ripped away the wings from your shoulder
    And before the pain had the time to set in
    You attached them to my shoulders
    Lifted my head
    And blew life into my wood with one long unending kissing breath...

    You stepped back, almost frightened at your dare.
    Watching.
    I opened my eyes,
    Blinding light forcing them tightly shut immediately,
    Then slowly I opened them again,
    Looking at my surroundings
    With the curiosity of a new born
    And the lust of an awakening toy,
    And falling in love with the first human my eyes set their regard on,
    You,
    So soft, so gentle, so loving.
    I love you, I said.

    Fly, you said, fly and try your wings,
    Try it to the treetops.
    Why don't you have wings, lover?
    I asked wondering.
    You hid your bleeding back and just kissed me silent.
    I tried a few flaps and it worked,
    The more I tried the more it seemed to be working,
    I tried to reach the treetops, made it, picked a leaf from the topmost branch
    And offered it to you like a flower.
    You kissed it and let it fly in the first album page of a rolling breeze.
    I tried again, leaving your dwelling for the hills,
    Picking leaves from higher treetops, other colors, other fragrances,
    Each time flying back to you and offering them to you,
    Singles, bouquets, forests,
    And each one found its way into your album and the album was getting bigger
    And thicker,
    And the breeze was turning storm...

    One time I put my arms around your middle and tried to pull you up with me,
    But I could not lift my body off the ground,
    I flapped mightily, desperately, but the wings could not carry us both...
    You laughed, you unclenched my fingers from your waist and pointed to the sky,
    Fly my lover,
    Search the mountains, search the clouds,
    Search the moon...

    I kissed you and flew to the mountain top
    And brought you a flower of ice which melted on your heart
    And dressed your breast in snowflakes beauty,
    I kissed you again and flew to the clouds
    And turned back with a flower of raindrops which cooled the fire in your heart
    And dressed your breast in steaming rivulets,
    I kissed you a last time and flew all the way to the moon
    And brought you a flower of silver rays which painted a sunset on your heart
    And dressed your breast in desires of sunrise.

    Wait, you said, where are you flying now?

    But it was too late,
    The power of the wings, the inebriation of conquering the heights...
    I flew up for days, for weeks, months,
    Drunken with the beauty,
    Alive with the glory,
    Farther, farther,
    Imagining I hear sounds calling me... where are you,
    Where did you go, come back...

    Imagining and flying on and on,
    Nearing,
    Getting there,
    Touching the sun... and falling in love with the sun...

    How long have I dwelt in the blinding desert?
    Roving in and out the miles long eruptions,
    Diving into molten hell and rising unscathed,
    Protected by my ignorance while wearing sun's corona to my head
    And letting the sun pamper my desires for its unending consuming fires?
    Was it days, was it nights, was it years?

    One day I played hide and seek,
    Hid behind Saturn's imposing body
    And suddenly the icy shadow froze the bubbling rivers running cross my body
    And reflected the blue of a long forgotten world...
    Oh, I suddenly cried in anguish,
    Lost my way and lost my mind and lost my life,
    Closed my eyes, rushed to the sun, stole a flower of fire
    And soared mightily down to an awaiting unknown.

    You were at the same spot, not even seated,
    Waiting,
    Not a tear in your eye... did they all dry away?
    Not a sigh on your lips... did your voice lose its way into silence?
    The snowflakes on your breast back to ice,
    The steaming rivulets back to rain,
    The sunrise desires back into shapeless knots of silver rays...

    I fell on my knees, my head bowed,
    My hands stretched forward,
    The offerings weighing heavily on my muscles and dragging my arms to ground.

    I...
    I brought you the fire
    To sow in your breast
    I brought you the dagger
    To plant in my chest.

    You...
    I gave you wings,
    You learned to fly,
    I gave you life,
    My turn to die.

    I...
    The haze of the valleys
    To see in your eyes,
    The poison of sorrow
    To strew in my skies.

    You...
    You learned to fly
    And touch the dawn,
    Your freedom take
    And I be gone.

    I...
    Tomorrow's emotions
    Adorning your day,
    Tomorrow's deceptions
    Decanting my way.

    You...
    I gave you life,
    You reached the sun,
    Your glowing love,
    My morrows none.

    I...
    Wild magic of pleasure
    Will fire your life,
    Wild gasping in terror
    Will ripen my strife.

    You...
    My turn to die,
    Your turn to soar,
    Your only dream
    I be no more.

    You touched my brow, wiping my sweat and touching it to your lips.
    I gave you wings,
    You learned to fly,
    Flight is freedom,
    Freedom you love.

    I shivered, the warmth of your voice freezing my heart.
    Take my wings,
    Waste my knowledge,
    Chain me to earth,
    You I love.

    You picked my chin up,
    Touched the tip of my nose with your forefinger and waited.
    You don't lie, you smiled.

    I stayed bowed,
    My right hand still offering you the flower of fire for your breast,
    My left hand still offering the steel dagger for my heart.
    You took the dagger,
    Cut off one feather,
    You took the fire and burned the feather,
    You took the ashes and blew them over my eyes,
    You kissed my eyes and drank the ashes,
    You laid down and you fell asleep.

    Wake up, I wailed, wake up...
    But you didn't wake up.

    I lay your head on the thick album tome,
    And the hurricanes raging inside
    And the scattered leaves crumbling to forgotten memories.

    I picked up the flower of ice and your breast looked pale,
    And the flower of rain and your breast looked deserted,
    And the flower of silver rays and your breast looked bare
    And the flower of fire... and your breast looked lifeless.
    I jumped off the cliff and started flying,
    Days away, months, years maybe...
    Past the mountains, past the clouds, the moon,
    Into the sun,
    Dropping each flower to its home,
    Dropping into the sun,
    Burning, burning, burning...

    One day I will be back.
    And rip the wings off my back,
    Burn the feathers to ashes,
    Blow the ashes over your eyes
    Kiss your eyes and drink in the ashes,
    And then whisper the ashes back into your breath
    Watching you waking up softly to my life.

    * * *

    I woke up with a start
    Shaking the dream spiders crawling around my mind,
    The long wound along my spine aching fiercely.
    I looked besides me
    At the white naked back
    Curved like a pale half broken pearl,
    My finger tracing lovingly the barely healing trace
    Running from your shoulder blades
    Down to a waist
    Thickened by the growing life inside your body.

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Miss You...

    Miss you,
    Miss your smell,
    The one I'll never know
         As you wake up in the morning
    Your flesh soaking in last night's pleasures you refused to shower away
    Preferring to let your body bathe disrepectfully in passion's tide
    Till morning light will wash it into a memory,
         As you yawn and your mouth radiates a musty cavern's tinge
    Just before the commercial magic of modernity
    Wipes reality away in a cloud of artificial mint flavors
    Which is nothing but a camouflage to your body's truths,
         As your morning's relief of night's accumulted body refusal
    Drowns me in its acrid haze
    Telling me you exist just a few feet away from me
    Ready to let me absorb your life's fragrances any future moment of your life.

    Miss you,
    Miss your sound,
    The one I'll never know
         As water runs over your body
    Cleansing the many paths running from the shameless tops of your prideful femininity
    Down to the soft depths of intimate crevasses
    Relighting scantily a few sparks ready for suicide under the harsh neon light,
         As stiff nylon fibres grate against the ivory refuged in your mouth
    Pulling away skin leftovers just one night old
    Peeled away from some forgotten body parts now growing a fragile crust
    Continuously breaking away as I try to move,
         As a howling electrical dragon blowing its fierce scalding breath
    Dries away leftovers of raindrop imitations from your dripping hair
    Telling me you exist a touching distance away
    Ready to let me hear your life's songs any future moment of your life.

    Miss you,
    Miss your sight,
    The one I'll never know
         As your image paints itself inside the door's inelegant frame
    Glistening with a few forgotten beads parsimoniously strewn over your skin
    And blinding me with momentary reflections
    Of innocuous rays abundantly enveloping your body,
         As you pick up the lace garnered silk
    And hide teasingly slow inside its folds the players of last night's luscious games
    Parading before my eyes with make belief innocence
    The promises of all nights to come,
         As your face approaches mine
    Your crossed eyes poorly imitating a mathematical multiplication symbol
    Telling me that you exist within one breath's whisper away
    Ready to let me regard your life's colors any future moment of your life.

    Miss you,
    How many senses did I miss mentioning?
    No, wrong, not two...
    Do you really know so little of me
    As to miss the millions of senses through which I miss you
    Making my life miserable
    In this unending happiness called...
    My love for you?...

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Freedom?...

    Take your whispers,
    Lock them into each other, whisper to whisper to whisper,
    Add a few powerful sighs, some devouring smiles,
    Keep adding wishes and dreams and caresses
    Till the chain is long enough
    To attach to my ankle,
    The other end in your hand,
    And drag me through every chamber in your life.

    Who needs freedom?
    Make me a slave to your eternal desire
    And let me wallow in the knowledge that freedom will never come.

    Freedom is for people.
    I... am lover.

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Someone Departed...

    Cupped my hands to collect your breath,
    Some smiles,
    A few words you meant to say but didn't,
    Poems you will forever intend to write,

    A sealed bottle imprisons the last of your skin's smell
    Moments before you screamed into submission
    And moments after,
    Your thumbprint on the mirror... how do I collect it?

    I stole a strand of hair while you were sleeping,
    Dipped it in your sweat
    Cut my finger and let the salt burn into my wound
    Finding easily its way to my heart,

    I licked your lips,
    Then placed the taste on the back of a stamp
    That one day will be stuck to the letter
    That one day you will be surprised to receive...

    Grabbed for the sound of the closing door
    And locked it away with the rest of the treasures
    Left floating behind your departing shape
    To torture me into unending death...

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Butterfly...

    That moment of madness...
    A splinter off time,
    With sunlighted meadows
    Reflecting in slime,
    And lullaby wonder
    Devoid pearly chime,
    And red hearted cherries
    Depth bowls wearing grime.

    You came. You touched.
    Was it your little finger?

    Bright sunlighted meadows
    Are dancing with shadows,
    Soft lullaby wonder
    Calms storm's waking thunder,
    Wild red hearted cherries
    Steal kisses from fairies,
    And madness off time
    Slowly melts in the rhyme.

    Metamorphosis.

    And shadow turns blue,
    And thunder turns coo,
    And fairy turns you.

    Butterfly.

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The Play...

    The stage is set...
    Deafening silence
    Drapes the audience.
    He kneels enchanted before her,
    A slave to her hungry soul...
    She wipes his moist brow with
    The edge of her velvet gown...
    He smiles lovingly true of heart,
    The bows his head before his queen.
    Her eyes seem empty and hollow...
    There is no window to her soul.
    The voices whisper...
    "She will betray him in the end..."
    She reaches for the steel sword
    And pulls it swiftly from his grip.
    Thick warm blood gushes onto the stage,
    And his screams of torture echo far beyond
    The thick curtains and dark hallways...
    Thunder roars while the sky illuminates
    A magical golden sparkly light...
    The gate at heaven's door has opened
    To receive the woman who gave all
    For a clandestine forbidden love...
    A beautiful white dove has perched
    Its self upon his bloodied shoulder...
    The steel blade was precise and cold...
    He holds her for one last time...
    The audience is sobbing with him...
    Neither heaven nor hell could have separated them... Only she...
    He begs her not to leave him and asks her
    Why, why?
    She dies... Never knowing...
    And the stage is set,
    For an ending that shall never be...
    And the dove cries mournfully
    For a little girl who was afraid
    Of the dark... Afraid of the unknown...

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I Love You Ways...

    I love you from where I do not know,
    Or from when it came or why.
    I love you with such closeness than when
    You touch your heart I feel my hand,
    And when you close your eyes I fall asleep...
    I love you with the morning dew on babies' breath,
    And the driving rain that pelts my window pane.
    I love you when all things are impossible
    And the hope for tomorrow seems lost and alone.
    I love you when I look restlessly into your eyes,
    Yet you are not here, nor have you ever left...
    I love you when the words unspoken are louder
    And I know it is then that we both listen...
    I love you when the pain is constant
    And there is no relief in sight...
    I love you because you let me love you
    The only way that I know how...
    I love you when together we unfold
    Openly and free to be who we must.
    I love all the different curiosities in you
    And each of them makes me a better woman....
    I love you because I know in my soul,
    You will ride with the torrent winds
    To conquer mighty adventures and
    Fly with the heart of a fierce dragon...
    But you will always return to me...

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Wings...

    "What are you doing here?" I asked
    "I am keeping you alive" she said.
    She? I never quite paid attention to angels earlier.
    Come to think of it, I never saw one
    So I wondered aloud...
    "Are all angels female?"
    "You mean women" she laughed.
    "Why do you think I am an angel?"
    I looked at the heavy bandages circling my chest,
    The big red stain soaking through against my heart.
    "You said you are keeping me alive."
    "Yes, I could be a doctor, a nurse,
    I could be your wife, only you forgot about me..."

    She could, maybe she could not.
    I looked at her attentively,
    A youngish smirk on her lips,
    A barely visible flame leaping deep inside her irises...
    "You could have been my wife,
    You are not.
    Why are you not?"
    "Why do you think I am not?"

    I tried thinking back,
    One day earlier
    One week earlier,
    No recollection, blankness, void.
    She went on, not waiting for me to refreshen my mind.
    "Angels are all kinds of...
    Male, female..."
    she laughed shortly.
    "Or kids, cherubs as you call them.
    Even animals, all they have to do is apply for the job..."

    She laughed loudly this time.
    "Sounds almost like a business, doesn't it?..."
    I didn't laugh.
    She halted, looking at me in a way I could not define,
    There was something special in that look, why?

    "How do I recognize an angel?" I asked
    Just playing for time,
    Maybe I will remember something.
    "Oh, this is very simple,
    You see, angels have wings.
    Some have white wings,
    Some have black wings,
    But all have wings."

    "Does it matter the color?"
    "No, they are all angels,
    It is just a matter of fashion."

    Now it was my turn to laugh.
    Fashion, angels have fashion...
    And only two colors?...
    I almost rolled off the bed laughing
    And she held me back to stop me from falling...
    The fire... oh, the fire where she touched my skin
    "... the fire where you touched my skin..." I gasped
    Looking at the red spot with the single tear boiling underneath the blister.
    "Does it always hurt when an angel touches a human?"
    I asked, forgetting the pain, forgetting the pulsating fire.
    "No" she answered, sadness clothing her smile.
    "Only when..."

    I was suddenly impatient,
    I had enough talk of angels and fashion
    I wanted to know what I am doing here,
    Where is my yesterday
    Why this dressings around my chest
    Why this oozing red
    Why angels at all?
    I asked her.
    She answered.
    "You fell in love with me,
    You were dying,
    Your heart was bleeding incessantly,
    I had to make you forget,
    To mend your life
    To save you.
    I saved you, I made you forget your love.
    I made you forget."

    She was right,
    I did not remember anything,
    I did not remember love
    Or death,
    Pain,
    I simply did not remember anything.
    Was nothing better than death?
    Maybe it was.
    Why was my heart bleeding? I pursued my interrogation.
    She smiled again,
    She looked sad, she looked relieved.
    "Because you and I were not meant to be.
    There are earthly regulations,
    There are celestial rules,
    They cannot be broken
    Nor escaped from.
    We fell in love
    And my desire for you sunk deep roots in your heart
    Growing stronger and meaner by the moment
    And the more I needed the more you wanted me to need
    And the more I was sucking your blood into my veins
    The more you yearned for feeding me your life...
    The more we were breaking the rules...
    The more you were dying."

    She touched my brow with her lips,
    The fire of the touch did not frighten me this time,
    Did not hurt.
    "I had to save you
    And the only way to save you was to make you forget,
    To pull my roots out of your heart without your notice,
    To let you go,
    To let you leave, to let you live,
    To leave
    Without you hurting.
    You see? Because I love you.
    Do you love me?"

    I looked at her,
    A stranger, maybe an angel,
    Claiming to be an angel,
    So what?
    I did not know her,
    I did not care for her,
    I did not love her.
    "No, I do not love you" I said unblinking.
    No line of pain in her eyes,
    On her face,
    Only an incredible pallor
    And long shapely nails sinking in palms drawing thin trickles of blood.
    "I am glad" she said.
    "Now I can leave, now you can live,
    The last of my roots are out,
    Your heart will mend,
    You forgot."

    She stood up.
    "I am glad that I could erase the unforgettable from your mind.
    I am glad for the memories I carry
    I will never come back to pain you again.

    I am glad I saved you
    Because I loved you.
    Because I love you."

    She turned to go. She turned to fly. She opened her wings.

    I gasped.
    "You said white or black..." I heard myself muttering.
    She didn't look back.
    "Or mine..." she whispered.
    "Only mine. You painted them."
    One strong flap and she was in the air.
    "With words. While you still remembered..."

    The buzzing blinding life in her wings pierced my mind
    With an insane view of wildly flittering butterflies battling for supremacy
    With furiously waving flowers drowning in a sea
    Of frantically wavering rainbows reflecting from a desert built
    Of endlessly rolling shards of broken tinted glass...

    She flapped away.

    Memories...
    Memories...
    Invading... unforgettable... unerasable...
    Waking up... you were mistaken angel... unforgettable... unerasable...
    The burning charcoal we let our souls roll through
    As our minds devoured each other's fabric
    And our bodies danced to the roar of dragons' flare music...
    The invisible roots still sunk in, clinging at heart's giving walls...
    You were mistaken angel...
    As she flapped further away
    The pull getting stronger,
    The memories sharper,
    The tense clinging root yanking, tearing, ripping...

    And I smiled as I saw my heart breaking through the protective garments,
    Steaming red pouring freely out of its crushed chambers
    With bits of fast decaying flesh spreading away from me
    While I sank slowly into the bliss
    Of receding pain
    And eternal forgetfulness...

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Presents...

    Alone with my soul and one dim lit candle
    I stare at the wall in dumbfounded animation...
    The clock is ticking away, losing precious minutes,
    Where have the moments gone so far away?
    Are they cocooned in another space of time?
    Will I know them when it's the hour of truth?
    So many questions to be opened like presents
    Secretly wrapped under the tree at Christmas.
    Sometimes it's better just to look at them...
    Bright foiled paper with matching ribbon and bows
    Tied with perfection... leaving the emptiness a mystery,
    Concealed, until who knows why
    It's then the human oddity takes over...

    The not knowing can be so dreadfully thrilling!
    You stare at them carefully examining them from a distance,
    Stalk them like prey just before devouring,
    Then you remember... and step back hiding in the dark.
    You might open them to find nothing but disillusionment
    But then you... you never disappoint me...
    I giggle like a little girl... trusting unconditionally,
    I untie the ribbons...

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Weapon...

    Is the weapon that conquered your deserts,
    Sowed your fields
    And painted your forests,
    Chased your dragons
    And set fire to your sun,
    Gave you life...

    Is this the weapon piercing your heart?

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Blue Eyes...

    Blue Eyes as your blue spark glows
    Burning holes through morrow's fate,
    In my heart the desert grows,
         Sweetest mate...

    Blue Eyes as your blue salt streams
    Rolling into crystal pearl,
    In my heart the desert screams,
         Sweetest girl...

    Blue Eyes as your blue ink dries
    Blotting screens of yester's life,
    In the desert my heart dies,
         Sweetest wife...

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Never Been Times...

    I wish I'd sing of have been times,
    Of yawning snowdrops' waking chimes,
    Of smiling hills
    When daffodils
    Are wedding light in sunset rhymes.

    I crave the pain of memories,
    The fleeting touch of morning's kiss,
    The closing eyes
    When late goodbyes
    Melt in the warmth of early bliss.

    I miss the never happened fore,
    An endless hug on crystal shore,
    An eerie sight
    When dawning night
    Explodes like stars encrusted ore.

    The never was, the has not been,
    The maybe if, the ache within,
    I'd rive my heart,
    I'd wipe my art
    For one sole night of your sweet sin.

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Storm...

    Like a cyclone of sudden and savaging fury
    Demented of senses and mindless of jury
    You're lynching my landscapes and flooding my burrows
    Along my defences deploying deep furrows,
    My mountains to rubbish, my rivers to dust,
    My steel crumbling swiftly from luster to rust,
    I cringe in my shell for the ire to pass
    My shield a thin whisper of satin and glass,
    A bellowing thunder in rush for my heart...

    Then quiet... a smile ripping darkness apart,
    Your storm is departing, the sudden blind rage
    Decays to a rustle asleep in a page,
    As growing blue patches your skyline adorn
    In each of my teardrops a rainbow is born...

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Passing Trains...

    Two trains side by side,
    Running at the compounded speed of passing seconds, days,
    One east to west from somewhere unknown to nowhere known,
    One west to east from another somewhere to another nowhere,
    Unknown too,
    Both loaded with humanity,
    Strangers, travellers by chance and of fortune,
    Aliens in their own world.
    How did I see you? Or was it you who saw me first and waved shyly my way?
    All those millions of colors, and suddenly all I saw was blue,
    Shining, twinkling, begging,
    A vision,
    Unreal yet... how come it suddenly smiled?
    Blue visions do not usually smile at some insignificant brown watching them
    From across a gulf of space that could span half a galaxy
    Yet is as small as the sound of a single word...

    I had to stop the trains,
    I simply had to,
    I had to ascertain that dreams do exist, that visions may materialize,
    I had to use a magic wand,
    I raised my magic wand...
    Hey, where did I suddenly have a magic wand from?...
    No time to think irrelevant thoughts,
    The speed is maddening, the distance shortening vertiginously
    On its way to start increasing again,
    Decide... use your wand... it may work... it may kill you but who cares?...
    Snap out of your spell, do it...
    I raised it... I let it hit the air like a giant whip... it thundered...

    The trains froze,
    I didn't even feel the deceleration,
    One moment running madly and the next frozen,
    Smoke frozen on its way up from glowing stacks,
    Birds frozen mid flight,
    Dust looking like mud sprayed on an invisible memorial air canvas,
    Humanity frozen in mid movement, chewing, crying, giving birth...
    I looked at myself flexing my fingers... I... could move,
    Looked across towards you, your blue just a bit further away down your way
    Yet almost across from me,
    The blue set in a face set on a thin neck running on into a body, into arms, fingers...
    I looked at your fingers... oh, my God, they were able to move, they were trembling...

    I stretched my hand,
    Half a galaxy of distance suddenly reduced to a bit over one arm's length stretch,
    You stretched your hand,
    Fists still clenched, unsure,
    Only finger length separating us now,
    Who will move first, shall we move,
    Shall we open our fingers and let them touch,
    Can we freeze the trains forever and cage humanity inside its immobility shell?
    I stole a glance behind you... just for a short moment,
    Watching the insides of your wagon,
    A kitchen... some chairs... a car...
    A few pages of history...
    A few faces blurred by distance,
    Maybe not only by distance?...
    I wondered what are you seeing behind me when
    I felt my grip loosening and the trains almost tearing away from my wand's grasp.
    Concentrate, concentrate, you are not going to lose your grip now,
    Will you?...

    I didn't pay attention as to who opened his fist first,
    It did not matter,
    The fingers started moving at a pace of their own,
    Uncurling, unfolding,
    Stretching,
    A fingernail thickness separating...
    Touch...
    Searing pain, fire, curl back...
    The trains tearing away...
    Unfold again, clench, hold...
    The trains screeching to a halt
    Their might defeated by the frailty of that hold,
    The wand wasted,
    Passion, love, taking over...

    How long can it hold?
    How long can these hands whisper the skin thick magic
    Welding the palms together?
    As the fingers dance their orgy of touches,
    As the fingertips whisper incessantly words the mouths are too far away to hear,
    As the magic of man made metal empowered by God made words
    Tries to anchor into an unknown haven in heaven...
    A jerk... human sweat pours inside the hold, tainting it with humanity's reality
    As the mindlessness of trains keeps pulling away
    Tearing at the hold...
    Heaving... pulling,
    Realities heaving and pulling,
    The worlds heaving... pulling...
    I feel a sliding movement between the palms,
    Bone break sound... metal tear sound...
    A wailing sound... is it my throat raising its rage in prayer to an indifferent sky?...

    I scream,
    As our trains suddenly bellow apart
    Each continuing its unabatable journey into its own future,
    Humanity moving again, chewing, crying, giving birth...
    Dust billowing,
    Birds flying unaware...
    I... bleeding...

    I near my train's door,
    Regarding unseeing the ground rushing at deadly speed
    Underneath the racing monster,
    I open the door
    Sensing your fragrance trailing your track like a steel chain attached to my neck
    And tasting your blood's salt in the drops flowing an unforgiving trail
    From your ripped fingertips still stretching my way
    Inside your departing world.
    I will find you.
    Your traces are there.
    Your destination known.
    I will find you.
    All I have to do is just jump off my train.

    I jump.

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It Never Stopped, The Train...

    The pain in my soul is as deep as your eye color.
    You thought the train stopped, it never did.
    The train raced on, oblivious to our needs,
    It was time that stopped for us... only us,
    And just for a brief moment, in the journey of our mind
    Our fingers did touch, our hearts felt the breath of a new love,
    Moments borrowed that allowed for a split second to forget..
    We could stop thinking about the final reality of our being.
    You never felt the train slow down, because you knew it couldn't,
    You knew it was unattainable, even in your fantasy you knew.
    Your mind wouldn't let your heart stray too far.
    The dream can only exist in our minds from which it was born.
    You jumped off the train and I'll never know why...

    I keep trying topress a picture of your face in my mind's eye,
    The way someone would press a flower into the pages of a book.
    I just wanted you to know that when you wake up I'll be waiting.
    Waiting in the castle, with the garden of rainbows and magic.
    There is no train, no mountain to climb, no lies and no truth.
    There is just us... in a world that reaches beyond dreams and hope,
    A world that we created out of necessity.
    I have no expectations. I'm happy for what stolen moments may come.
    Terribly satisfied knowing that true love found me through a page in some other time,
    From another world.
    You shall not be lost jumping off a train,
    As I shall send the light from my heart, and you will always find your way back.
    Our story will not have a sad ending... for it shall never end...
    I love you so...

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Prometheus Delivered...

    Reality kicks in
    With the stomping grace of the proverbial elephant in a porcelain shop,
    Obliterating,
    Mindless to the delicate shapes of singing, dancing figurines.
    I always thought dreams are beautifully immaterial,
    No substance,
    Nothing that can die,
    Nothing can ravage their un-dimensional existence,
    Dreams are eternal.
    So I thought.

    And reality's steamroller rolls unperturbed
    Smashing,
    Grinding to thin dust the most untouchable of memories
    And leaving behind a pitiful splash of what,
    Once,
    Was a whole world.

    I open my memories book for the first time.
    No, I don't lie.
    Every time I open it is the first time
    Because every time it is a new book,
    A new memory written in, changing it to something new,
    Different.
    I go through the white pages, so many of them,
    I go through the days, years,
    White, white...
    When did my memories start?

    I watch my fingertips as they leaf through patiently,
    Blackened,
    Charred by the touch I dared touch you
    Stealing the fire from your body
    And letting it seep in depths of inner soul
    Depths of dreams,
    Depths of memories,
    Now punished Prometheus wise, to be chained to the rock of life
    No vultures ripping pieces of my liver
    But memories,
    Tameless, wild,
    Indomitable.

    Finally, a blush conquers my cheeks,
    A first page,
    No text but a childish drawing scratched on it,
    A few lines for a body, a circle for a head
    And a funny triangle for a skirt,
    A question mark to the left side of what was supposed to be a chest.
    Woman.
    The first time I met one.
    The first time I met you.

    A few memories later intercalated by some white pages
    I added something symbolizing hair to the bald head,
    And breasts.
    Many memories later adding a basket of flowers, colors,
    An abysmal drawing of something supposed to be a bird
    And the first words,
    The first rhyme abhorred by all self respecting poets
    Envious of the one who invented it -
    Dove,
    Love.

    Leafing on,
    Falling asleep on the open book
    And waking startled that maybe I missed something...
    Didn't miss anything.
    Memories written, eternal,
    Each page tearing a piece of liver and burying it with a dead past,
    Another page,
    Then another.
    Kisses.
    I must have been dozing since I missed the first kiss
    And jumped right into the flood
    Shaking off the remains of a tired brain and drinking, gulping,
    Pages, upon pages, upon pages
    Of kisses, hugs, kisses, kisses, kisses...
    Kept looking for a break, for a breathing pause,
    None,
    Kisses, kisses, kisses,
    Months, months, months...

    Body touch. Fire.
    Melted gold spilling inside my throat through a mouth pouring down sighs,
    Turning to gasps,
    Turning to animal yelps calling upon God
    For his wonders,
    For his angels,
    For the passion dressing two naked bodies into clawed ribbons of skin...
    Followed by a deafening blessing of silence...
    And a flood of verse
    None of which as magical as that childishly primitive
    Dove,
    Love.

    Do you remember when the skin started healing?
    When was it, how many pages later?
    Many? Few?
    Was it when the pages started getting a yellowish glow,
    So unnatural, how come the newest pages getting the yellower hue?
    The colors fading into grey,
    The kisses into sparsely disconnected pages,
    The body healing its outer layer
    Leaving the bleeding for the unseen insides
    Barred from telling the story to the world,
    Silent,
    Not even a word penetrating into the book's last pages
    Covered invariably by a cacophony of question marks
    Separated by a forest of meaningless vowels...

    Dying memories,
    Recent memories, mostly forgotten already
    Some even before getting born
    Leaving the last pages so full of dead dreams.
    A battle field
    Littered by corpses slowly decaying into disjointed pictures
    Slowly drying into peeling paints
    Slowly disintegrating into forgotten moments.
    Lost. Gone.

    Last piece of liver gone.
    Hercules couldn't rescue him this time.
    Hercules is but a myth,
    Prometheus is alive, smiling.
    Dying.
    Finally, Prometheus is delivered.

    *

    Deliver. De-liver. Dementia. De-mentia.
    I don't close the book as it falls from my hands
    Crumbling into late evening's dust
    Wiped away by reality's incessant rumble about life,
    About immaturity of memories,
    About naiveté of dreams.
    Tomorrow they will find me,
    Head hanging to my chest,
    Mouth drooling in disgusting manner into my lap
    And as they try to close my eyes
    They will leave wondering what is this fire they could not extinguish in my eyes.

    They will not know I tore out the page telling the story
    Of stealing the fire
    And nailed it to my chest with golden nails
    Forged in the furnace of a hidden match
    From a piece of yellow metal
    That once adorned my finger.

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Peter's Shadow...

    Dreams are not like memories, they never leave.
    Memories are like dreams, they are part of us,
    While memories fade, dreams are but a shadow.
    Peter Pan had a shadow, it was attached like a dream,
    Then he lost it for a while, it was a missing memory.
    Peter was himself lost without his shadow of dreams,
    He thought without it his memories would disappear,
    He would never find his way back to Never Never Land,
    Straight on to daybreak, first star on the right...

    He was sad but the shadow was being kept safe and warm,
    Someone who loved Peter was saving it for him.
    Peter rejoiced to have his shadow returned to him,
    All his dreams and memories paged, just like in a book.
    But in the end Peter was still sad. For it was not his shadow,
    Not the dreams of the memories that kept Peter a legend...
    It was the one thing he knew he could never touch
    But he would always own... It was love that saved Peter.

    As long as he believed, Peter would always be loved,
    Even in Never Never Land.
    The dreams of tomorrow may be memories of today,
    But the love from your girl will never fade away...

    As the tips of his fingers caressed gently from page to page,
    Touching bitter sweet memories in the garden that grew gracefully in wild abandon,
    He pricked his finger on one wild thorn.
    This was the most important thorn in his life.
    As his warm blood dripped upon the yellowed pages of memories
    And forgotten dreams of a lifetime,
    He smiled.
    He placed the wild thorn upon his chest, then burned the book
    And listened to it hissing back in the hot fire.

    As the flames licked the pages one by one, he felt relieved.
    He knew this book was an imposter.
    Her love was carved on his heart with no beginning and no ending.
    It could never be stored in the darkness of a lonely world.

    He walked away from the fire satisfied and happy.
    It didn't matter that no one else knew. He knew. They knew.
    The garden was reseeding itself every day.
    No, it wasn't always perfect and there was much uncertainty
    And still no answers.
    That had never changed.
    This was hard for him to accept as he played in the garden, rebuilding,
    Trying with all his might to change even a tiny thing.
    He worked so hard only to have to start over and over again
    After the weeds would take over...
    Sometimes he would get so tired... but she was always waiting...
    And he knew it... with all her thorns... her love would always be there for him...

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Moments...

    Four wheels,
    Carrying heaven,
    Does it make sense?

    The quiet, the whiteness of snow,
    Heaven humming quietly
    As we huddle inside its warm entrails,
    No other soul around,
    Not even squirrels, or crows,
    A rare snowflake dropping on the windshield
    And melting immediately into a drop of ice.

    Our honeymoon refuge,
    Our years long marriage and minutes long stolen honeymoon
    As we consume our passion in one single fiery gasp
    Losing a virginity long treasured
    To a lust long buried and finally exploding like the birth of a new sun...

    Cuddling, after,
    The receding taste of a kiss, of an intimate touch,
    The warm somnolescence following the short moment of awakening
    When our dreams finally seep into reality
    And leave a trace of sparkling gold
    Upon the last of the falling snowflakes.

    I love you, you said.
    I say nothing. You know it all.

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Stupid Games...

    Playing stupid games,
    Trying to imagine you don't exist in my life,
    Waking up to a world running its course indifferently
    Reborn every day in its ignorance
    Of us,
    Of I and you,
    Of we two,
    A never born star
    Which never carried a dream,
    Flowers, a garden...
    The garden sowed by my words with your own seeds
    And colorful melancholic birds...

    And I bend down in pain
    Rolling on the asphalt
    Seeing huge wheels coming my way
    And unable to move out of their path.

    Unable? Unwilling?

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Sanctuary...

    I Looked grimly out across the cold frozen lake.
    I had no recollection of how I got there or why,
    But I was standing dead in the middle of that lake.
    I saw a vast mountain on the other side and I had to get there, somehow...

    There was a tiny beam of light coming from the mountain,
    It was strong and brilliant... it seemed to be guiding me...
    But it was so far away...

    I walked on and on, soon becoming conscious that I wore no shoes.
    For some reason I couldn't explain, I didn't feel the cold ice on my skin.

    To make my journey seemingly impossible a blizzard began.
    The snow was blinding but my body kept moving not missing one step,
    Dark shadows started to materialize around me
    Encircling my body, watching... waiting... I was frightened and closed my eyes.

    When I opened them the mountain was at my finger's touch.
    I reached my hand for the light
    And the mountain became the most beautiful warm grassy hill
    Covered with sweet smelling lilac and honey suckle,
    The frozen lake became a clear pond full of billowy white swans...
    I felt reborn as I rolled in the grass...
    Then... I cried tears as never before.
    My heart was broken... I looked at your feet and they were bleeding...
    Thank you for carrying me through the storm, to your garden of dreams...

    I honestly love you.

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How Much Do You Love Me? She Asks...

    How much do you love me? she asks.
    Ask me and I will tell you, I answer.

    Do you love me enough to forgive me? she asks.
    When drinks conquer my reason,
    Abandon rules my desires
    And out of home I wander days, and weeks,
    Friends and strangers touching my skin
    Baring my flesh to hungry regards
    As my lust ridden body voraciously tastes forbidden pleasures
    Before the haze lifts off
    Leaving a desolate desert in my spirit
    And broken, tired, disappointed I crawl back to you
    And ask you to take me back?...

    Easy question you ask, woman, I answer.
    Loving you is clearing your mind,
    Covering your flesh,
    Healing your spirit and seeding it with the green of life and red of love,
    Caring for you in your need
    After you've been lost and frightened for long painful moments in an alien world
    And finally found your own way back home
    To a lifetime of warmth and tenderness
    By my side...

    Do you love me enough to die for me? she asks.
    When death knocks at my door asking for its due
    All warnings having expired
    And I am out of change having wasted it all on pleasures
    Of which you were excluded
    Finding that the only friend I have left is the one I've kept away
    Never having thought of him till the moment of need
    Desperation having brought you back into my mind and memory
    And frightened I hang on to your hand
    Asking you to be the shield between me and eternity?...

    Easy question you ask, woman, I answer.
    Loving you is being your shadow,
    Following you undemanding if in sun
    If in darkness,
    Never dozing off on duty, never hiding behind pretence and opportunity
    And happily offering my chest to absorb a bullet directed your way
    Leaving this world in blessed short lived knowledge
    That your warmth can safely open the door to the tenderness of another tomorrow...

    And if I asked
    To lose your might,
    To lose your right
    To win a fight,
    To lose the battle,
    Lose the war
    As mocking crowds despisal roar,
    As worthless clowns
    Your honor maim
    To end your days
    In scorn and shame?

    To this I answer
    It's your right
    To feed me spite
    To feed me plight,
    To break my will,
    My day to end
    As mocking crowds my spirit bend,
    If this your wish
    My lover dear
    Then shame and scorn
    I hug and cheer.

    Do you love me enough to leave me? she asks.
    Do you love me enough to leave me? she whispers.
    When reality paves the path leading into a dead end street
    With life roaring gloriously towards an impenetrable wall
    And we both are in the carriage
    Hanging to a broken steering wheel, broken controls, broken brakes
    Knowing that only separating our ways will open a door into that wall
    Allowing a life of sorts
    In two separated worlds
    Never to be connected again except in dimming memories
    Of passionate kisses replaced by hollow laughter
    And decaying fires of the flesh?...
    Do you love me enough to leave me?

    Difficult question you ask, woman, I answer.
    Difficult question you ask.
    And I think.

    Never again to touch you,
    Never again to see you, hear you, taste you,
    As interminable passing days roll interminably over me their interminable torture
    In my knowledge that you exist in another world
    Inaccessible to me
    Never to return to a dwelling
    Crumbling inside walls longing for your presence
    And for your song?...

    Difficult question you ask, woman, I answer.
    The most difficult question of all.
    Yes, woman, I love you abysmally enough to leave you
    Into warmth, into tenderness,
    And to die every day of the rest of my days
    Knowing that you live.

    *

    She smirked in what I interpreted to be a feminine she approving of my answers fashion, or so I hoped. Then she turned into a perfect ball and started purring. I was afraid to touch her or she might start rolling and never stop. Instead I busied myself with mind games around feminine and feline and was just about to promise myself to coin and copyright a new word which will be femiline, when I heard the purring change pitch and something like...

    "...Your turn now..." coming out of that perfect ball.

    "Shall I ask you?" I asked.

    There was a noise similar to ...ehmmm... which is the closest I could translate into written letters, but which meant an unmistakable yes spoken from the depths of a throat too lazy to open its mouth.

    "Can I abstain?" I insisted.

    Another, this time unletterable noise came from the same ball, meaning a clear no. I looked at the curved forms guessing already what the answers might be, yet afraid to ask my questions.

    "Will you forgive me?" I ask.

    "Never", she answers and rolls tightly against me.

    "Will you be willing to die for me?" I ask.

    "Never", she answers, one appendage defining itself as a slender hand sliding out from that perfect ball and unbuttoning my shirt's top button.

    "And if I asked
    To lose your might,
    To lose your right
    To win a fight?..."

    "Never", the broken record in her mouth echoes its previous intonations and a second shirt button gives in to those slender fingers, the thread snapping with a sharp sound under the impatient fingertips.

    "Will you leave me?" I ask, my body rigid, frozen, fearing.

    The ball unfurls into its feminine components as she sits across my lap, eyes holding mine with hypnotizing power as her two hands tear my shirt wide open. Then she takes lumps of cloth from her own shirt in her fists and pulls it wide open with buttons jumping like the scatter of a shotgun in the room, then she lays her bare skin against mine into a perfect fit of boiling honey pouring over a blistering thorns field. I can hear only a heart beat, barely perceptible breathing, a lost sigh... Has she fallen asleep? I wait, all cramped and numb, afraid to move and disturb the ecstasy of the pain, the agony of the wait, the fright of the unknown. The sun goes down letting the whispers of ascending night softly start their slow crawl around us, when finally she moves her arms around my body, locks her fingers behind my back and in the most indifferent manner her whisper roars into my ear.

    "Never", she says.

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Sum Fui Futurus...

    True love is often like a careless child, getting lost among his toys.
    It may be blind and deaf, and may forget past promises.
    But it is also absolute in itís faith, and beautiful beyond all recognition.
    Dovetailed slices of fantasy and reality, came together for one perfect week.
    Us.

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Passion Reborn...

    Hush. Quiet. Silence.

    Your eyes closed,
    Daring not open them
    Lest you wake up from the fiery holocaust
    Grinding your landscapes
    And charring your mountains into the desolation of a black desert
    Smouldering away its satiated hunger
    Through gasps of steaming breath
    Escaping your gaping mouth
    And blistered throat.

    Your fists clenched,
    Daring not open them
    Lest you lose your grip on hell's bubbling cauldron
    Pouring its molten brew through your veins
    Straight into passion ridden swamps hiding depths of your storm devastated valleys
    As the slaughtered gale wastes away its tidal rush
    Into an ever dying quake's wake
    Clinging obstinately to muscles gone limp
    And fingers in the grasp of life's awakening throes.

    Your heart locked,
    Daring not open it
    Lest you discover reality's winter
    Indifferently conquering your mountains,
    Icebergs turning your valleys into an immaculate white landscape of death
    And the velvet talking to your body and caressing your mind
    Slowly metamorphosing into tinkling icicles
    Singing a tune
    For no ears to hear.

    *

    I touch you.

    You shiver, you wake up,
    A weak pulsation visible underneath the whiteness against your left breast
    As a soft puddle of clear water forms across the melting spot, growing,
    And finally it elongates tear shape and slides down along your rib.
    "Your heart is crying" I say.
    "Where have you been" you say.
    "I have never gone away" I say.
    Your eyes shamefully hide their bewilderment behind transparent eyelids
    Betrayed in their sanctuary by an incessant flutter
    As your naked body curls around my ankle
    Clinging like an imprisoning flesh ring
    Tying me to a weightless infinite passion.
    I regard the last of the flakes turning into shimmering crystal balls all over your body,
    Winter's dew one by one rolling away
    And splashing into a firework of exploding miniature deaths all around you.
    "Your fire, your hell, I missed it" you say.
    I bend down and touch the scorched spot underneath your breast.
    "It's always there girl.
    My home,
    My sanctuary,
    My kingdom,
    My birthplace,
    My womb."

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Flutes De Pan...

    I heard a voice,
    Unexpected, the radio playing
    Then suddenly this colorful female voice
    Plaintive like a summer rain steaming away from the hot asphalt,
    Her tremolo vibrating inside my bones
    Playing through them like so many flutes de pan
    Voicing an ageless wail to an unhearing world
    And content to lay its pain to bed inside the softness of my marrow.

    I stopped the car, closed my eyes,
    Let them absorb the sensation,
    A sensation dragging me back to this timeless time
    When I shivered the way I shiver now,
    Inside the confined space of a truck's cabin
    A moment away from death
    Approaching me in the shape of a pair of female lips
    Ready to spit their fire inside me
    And burn my entrails to a shapeless lump
    Of charred heart and lungs and blood.

    I never woke up from that death,
    So more artful than anything I could ever lay down in word.

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Sad Am I, Oh, Sad Am I...

    Miss you Tiger, little friend
    Gone beyond cloud's silver end,
    Gone your tail stump's wagging art,
    Gone my joyful slice of heart,
    Friend of mine don't watch me cry,
    Sad am I, oh, sad am I...

    Miss you Elvis, dear old friend
    Gone beyond sun's golden end,
    Gone your song's amazing art,
    Gone my singing slice of heart,
    Friend of mine don't ask me why,
    Sad am I, oh, sad am I...

    Miss you Mother, gentle friend
    Gone beyond sky's silken end,
    Gone your tender caress art,
    Gone my loving slice of heart,
    Friend of mine to smile I try,
    Sad am I, oh, sad am I...

    *

    Miss you Lover, miss you friend
    Way beyond world's hazy end,
    Miss your passion's raging art,
    Gone my burning slice of heart,
    Friend of mine my life's a lie,
    Sad am I, oh, sad am I...

    Now my life's memories rife,
    Miss my life, oh, miss my life...

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Cover Girl...

    I knew how she looks like
    Having seen her so often in my mind's eye,
    Platinum blonde, her long hair softly flowing down to mid back
    Curling outwards like flowers' petals just opening up to morning's sun,
    Alabaster blue, shining, penetrating eyes cutting slices off my face
    Like steel cutting lasers testing their strength on lumps of butter,
    Deep red lips opening up to into a perfectly white curtain of perfectly straight teeth
    Able to rip through flesh and hidden bone,
    Venus breasts their tips hard marble,
    Guitar hips their touch a sunset melody,
    Ballerina feet their step feather light...
    The perfect dream...
    Cover girl...

    I met her
    My eyes searching every feature of that dream my mind painted over irises,
    Oxygenated blonde, her hair a wild mess of disarrayed curls
    Going whichever way round her shoulders and forehead,
    The blue of tired eyes warmly regarding behind glasses into a world
    Ending hazily a few feet away,
    Pink lips, slightly moist, slightly curving into a smile
    Uncovering teeth slightly stained by smoking, slightly crooked,
    Soft breasts ripened by age,
    Hips having carried children into life,
    Thin legs that once danced upon table tops...
    The perfect woman...
    Reality...

    Dear God,
    If you exist somewhere and can get away from your accounting books
    For a few seconds
    Please close your eyes and heed my words...
    Thank you for imperfections,
    For wild hair gathering lumps in my hand as I pull that head towards me
    Eyes glinting a pale blue focusing an immense warmth on my face
    As half opened lips drive sharp irregular teeth into my mouth
    And bare breasts offer their softness to a hand
    Being allowed to slide along the desire of hips
    And abandon of legs...
    The perfect love...
    Life...

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Melancholy...

    Fresh the flowers,
    Old the pain,
    Crawling mists across the plain
    Dress my mind melancholy
    Again.

    While the storm's eye
    Beckons rain,
    Daylight's sorrows slowly wane
    As I pry to depths of me,
    Insane.

    Gone's the moment,
    Heals the drain
    Feeding left of chest the stain,
    Drops of bitter potpourri
    Remain.

    Back is reason's
    Cruel reign,
    Ageless memories are slain
    As I scream my rage, my plea,
    In vain.

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Intimacy...

    When you don't think,
    You don't ask,
    You never have to ask,
    You just do and you know that it is always the right thing
    Because it can never be wrong
    Between lovers.

    You cry,
    Because it is the moment to cry
    And the reason is there to be or not,
    And I don't have to know because you know,
    All I have to do is find a clean handkerchief,
    Blow your nose, dry your eyes,
    Gather your sadness in my lap along with your body
    And lull you to sleep
    Past the tears, past the moment.

    You smoke,
    Because it is the moment of need
    And you don't ask if you may,
    And I don't comment, don't wriggle my nose in distaste and disgust
    Even though I hate the smoke and the smell
    But wait for you to unload your heart, your fear, your need,
    Knowing you will not do it to spite me
    And it pains you terribly to let me see your distress
    Yet once the moment gone
    You will cuddle in my lap
    And let me caress your body in silent gratitude
    For being so close to you.

    You shower,
    Because it is the moment to relax,
    To free your body of the day's stress and drown inside the drizzle
    Allowing me to watch your wet skin
    As rivers run long your breasts, down your hips and legs,
    Then you shake off the extra droplets
    And invite me to wrap the towel around you and rub you dry,
    Pour you inside thin underwear
    Before absorbing your fatigue in my skin and words as you sit in my lap
    And fall asleep just before the princess marries the prince
    And they live happily ever after.

    I touch you,
    Because it is the moment to love your body
    And forget those moments without you
    So strange to my need and desire,
    And you smile,
    You allow my hands to wander wherever they mindlessly wish to,
    My eyes to capture your skin beyond shyness,
    You whisper in my ears words you would not whisper to anyone else
    Demanding, asking, goading me to come as close to you
    As your skin,
    As deep inside you
    As your blood,
    As loving as no one else is allowed to
    Beyond our intimacy.

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Moments, First...

    Rolling through my mind incessantly,
    Those moments, the first, the once and never again event,
    The birth of intimacy
    Sealing a love doomed to live in a continuous twilight zone
    Except for those moments,
    The first, unrepeatable, unforgettable.

    The little cabin light turning on for a second,
    Insufficient time for my rushing heart to gather the all of you
    Inside my eyes, my senses, my life.
    I sat next to you, shivering.
    Did you see my shiver? Did you hear it?
    You turned your head to me,
    Removed your glasses...
    The blue,
    The kiss, the first,
    The lost senses trying to anchor into something tangible
    With the only reality within reach being those lips,
    My God, those soft, warm, fragile, mint tainted lips...

    The perfection of life,
    The beauty, the invincible only and single memory never to be erased.
    Not even by life.

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Barren Path...

    Alone I walk the barren path,
    The green and mighty fleet
    Been taken prey to autumn's wrath
    It crumbles at my feet.

    I lie upon the rotting bed
    And slowly sink to ground
    My fingers trace the tear you shed
    Upon the mellow mound.

    I soak the warmth which moons ago
    Your body gently poured,
    Hiding the caress of its glow
    Inside the steaming sward.

    A shiver shreds my aching bone
    As fingers slowly curl
    Around a necklace lying lone
    Of glass and peeling pearl.

    Will gentle winter lay its coat
    Upon my tired chest
    Then lull me into tender rot
    And lay my ache to rest.

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Rocks...

    A rock,
    Dull, dirty, crumbling at the edges,
    Cracks boring daily deeper, wider,
    Green moss converging into every corner
    Witnessing the desolation of advancing age
    And desert
    And lonesomeness.
    The wind, was its howling a prophecy?...

    I felt a breeze, a whiff of unclear origin
    Pushing sidewise the howl
    Touching my surface
    As if trying to understand my origin,
    My depth,
    The weak beat hammering my insides
    And waiting for the final thrust
    When time's fingers grope in mindless vileness
    And unforgivingly crush me into crumble
    Making me part of the desert, my beat part of the silence,
    Death.

    I let it penetrate,
    Unmindful of its probing feelers
    Tasting bits of my reality, a boil which gave up all hope of revival
    And slowly simmered down into apathy
    And carelessness
    Counting the minutes left while yearning for the seconds...
    I let it impregnate my mass
    Getting hold of cooling leftovers of smoldering coal
    And cajoling them into bright red,
    Into little flames
    Turning my insides a waking volcano
    A star collapsing into a sun's rebirth
    Before a raging universe of nascent memories on the verge of Creation
    Embraced my being
    In the gripe of a terrible fist
    And squeezed death out of me
    Turning the rock into the pricelessness of a shapeless diamond.

    I woke up
    Vaguely remembering desire,
    Love,
    Sacrifices to the altar of wedding souls cursed by unimpregnable obstacles
    Yet determined to consume their union against all odds
    Imposed by faith, time, life.
    I reached out, surprised at the flexibility of my newly born diamond arms,
    Groping desperately for that fading breeze now beating its retreat
    Smashing shield after shield, mountain after mountain,
    My appendages indifferent to pain and hysterics and humanity
    Carving a path with a mindlessness of their own,
    Reaching,
    Grabbing,
    Holding, squeezing, smashing... turning the escaping molecules into dust,
    The dust into pebbles, into rock, into diamond... releasing the hold,
    Relief.
    Finally pain, emotion, hesitation...

    *

    Diamonds. Rough, uncut, unbridled, wild. Cutting into each other.
    "Why?" you asked. "Why do you cut into me?"
    "Because I want to find your heart", I said.
    "You should have left me be flesh, you could have found it easily", you said.
    "Then you would have died", I said.
    "What is it to you if I live or die?" you asked.
    "You turned me into diamond,
    You are my master creator,
    I can not let my master creator die", I said.
    "I would not have died if you would not have followed me
    Searching for my heart.
    Why are you looking for my heart?" you asked.
    I let go. I stopped cutting. I thought.
    I did not know the answer.
    "Why am I looking for your heart?" I asked. "Do you know?"
    You picked up the diamond dust falling off your heart
    And blew it smilingly over the sky.
    Stars, I've never seen stars before.
    "I've never seen stars before" I said. "Why did I not see stars before?"
    "Because you have never been in love before.
    Being in love is seeing stars, cutting through for the heart, hurting."
    "Am I in love now? With you?"
    "Yes, you are." You smiled.
    "Then why did you turn me diamond? Why did you not leave me rock?"
    "To test if you are true. If you can love."
    "I did not know you before, I did not love you before.
    I was counting my minutes. Happily waiting."
    "Waiting for death?"
    "You don't think so?" I asked. "What else was I waiting for?"
    You picked a few stars, arranged them in the form of a ring
    Then laid it floating in front of me. Slowly gyrating, wobbling.
    "For me, maybe? Were you waiting for me? For my memories?
    For my diamond dust?" you said, answering my question with yours.
    I watched the sparkle in the ring, hesitating, unsure.
    "Maybe I was waiting for power?" I said.
    "I gave you power. Was it power you were looking for?"
    "Maybe immortality?"
    "Maybe, I gave you immortality, was it immortality you were looking for?"
    I looked fascinated as the ring shaped itself into kite
    And rummaged the sparkle settling in the clouds
    Reaping colors inside its white transparency
    Before twisting itself into an eight shaped ring again, so rich its colors...
    Was there some magic at work?
    "Was I looking for your heart?" I finally asked.
    You smiled, your polished surface shining there where I did not cut into you,
    Reflecting a light I was not sure where it originates from.
    "No. I was looking for your heart" you said. Silence. "Did I find it?"
    "I don't know, how will you know?"
    Do diamonds laugh?
    Is there a description to the tinkle a laughing diamond does? You laughed.
    "I will. You were rock."
    "I know, I was rock."
    "I turned you diamond, I did."
    "You did."
    "If I found your heart you love me. If your love is true you give me your heart."
    "You speak in riddles. How can I give you my heart?"
    "Allow it to turn flesh."
    "And give up my diamond shine, my power, my immortality?
    I turned you diamond too, will you join me?"
    You stayed silent, dreamy, eyes closed,
    Your eyelashes crawling with diamond butterflies
    Filling up the air with shimmering dust.
    I waited for an answer, none coming.
    I waited, minutes, days... quiet...
    Diamond dust studded red drops started dripping from the gash in your chest,
    The smile never leaving your face for a moment,
    The silent hum leaving your lips never ending its chant.
    I waited days, weeks... quiet...
    The shining puddle at your feet ever growing,
    The smile never fading,
    The sharp lines of your cut slightly cracking...
    "Open your eyes..." I begged... "Open your eyes..." I whispered...
    "Open your eyes..." I cried
    And as my finger slowly slid inside the left side of the ring
    I took your finger and slid it into the right side of it.

    *

    I woke up again. Remembering it all.
    Not doubting it for imagination, for fantasy,
    Knowing it for reality.
    I keep waking up lately a lot from my poetry,
    Never certain if dream if life.
    "See, I found your heart" you smiled and kissed my diamond ring,
    Placing my hand to the left of your chest.
    "See, I found your heart" I smiled and kissed your diamond ring,
    Placing your hand to the left of my chest.

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December To December...

    You asked me to remember
    The twinkle past your fear,
    The smiling raw emotion
    Asleep inside your tear,
    The dream riding your nightmare
    Its tameless mustangs wild,
    The guileless flare of passion
    Which pierced your heart, oh child.

    I promised to remember
    The twinkle in your eye,
    The smiling raw emotion
    Asleep inside your sigh,
    Proud herds of tameless mustangs
    Astride your roving dream,
    Your heart reflecting softly
    Your tender passion's gleam.

    "Will you..." you asked "...remember..."
    "Will I..." I said "...forget?"
    "...December to December
    And never to regret?
    "
    "I will..." I said "...remember..."
    "You will..." you said "...regret."
    "...December to December
    And never to forget."

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Feed Me...

    Feed me,
    Your hunger...
    Let it roll through my bones
    Like a river of stones
    Purging restless desires
    Inside loins merging fires
    And animal groans...

    Feed me,
    Your thirst...
    Let your motherly milk
    Pour a river of silk
    In a mouth pale and ashen
    Scorched by furious passion
    Of animal ilk...

    Feed me,
    Your serenity...
    Let your skin be the fleece
    Calming river's caprice
    As I lie on its feather
    And my pain wanes to nether
    In animal peace...

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Meltdown...

    The fire crawls inside my soul
    A meltdown ripping pole to pole
    And sunny skies
    And sparkling eyes
    Wake up to mornings painted coal.

    My claw has pierced your fragile skin,
    A reddish streamlet trickles thin,
    My gentle love,
    My bleeding dove,
    Forgive my hunger stained by sin.

    I never wished upon you pain
    And thistles cutting through your plain,
    My gentle fawn
    Please wish me gone
    And let my rainbows paint your rain.

    When smiles anew adorn your breeze
    And nightingales invade your trees
    Just pick my art
    And pierce my heart
    And let me sink down nether seas.

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Penitence...

    Be my dagger, be my poison,
    Velvet fist in iron glove,
    Thunderbolt's steel clawing fingers,
          You, my love...

    Be my goddess, be my angel,
    Devil's hell and nightmare's life,
    Mountains' fire raining ashes,
          You, my wife...

    Be my torment, my undoing,
    Raging dog and fire squad,
    Finger punishing with fury,
          You, my God...

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Decay...

    You gave me your heart,
    Raw flesh, red, beating madly in my fist,
    Asking for my shield, my protection,
    "Guard it, please," you asked of me,
    "It's the only one I have."
    I promised to care for it,
    To feed it love, nurture it tenderness,
    Hide it in my chest
    Guard it with my soul.

    Days passed, then years,
    Love unending, love unending, love unending...

    One day
    I stumbled...
    And the heart rolled from my hold,
    Hit the pavement
    And splashed all over me its red of love
    Decaying so fast, decaying so fast, decaying so fast...

    I saw you cringe,
    I saw you crumble,
    And all I could do
    Was crumble at your side.

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Nails...

    Never stop torturing me,
    Never keep your iron's red from my brow,
    Never relinquish my decaying flesh from your claw,
    United again
    In pain,
    Oh, gods I don't trust I don't adore
    Keep me away from the stinking salvation shore
    Lend your nails studded chariot your horses so wild
    To the one woman child
    My child, so proud, so wild,
    So tender, so sweet,
    In wisdom and beauty replete,
    Let Prometheus be children's fairy tale
    When side by side with my fate
    As she runs the wheels over my body again and again and again
    In pain
    United again
    Again and again and again,
    As she picks up my torn scattered flesh and lays it on my bone again
    Her wails tearing sky's doors from hinges
    And devil on duty in fear cringes
    And I whisper my adoration
    Each time she touches my flesh,
    Each time she tears it away,
    Each time she touches it and listens to my loving screams.

    Never stop torturing me,
    Never stop touching me,
    Never stop loving me,
    Never stop running your chariot over my decomposing limbs
    So numb with adoration and love.

    One day, maybe,
    You will gather the leftovers,
    Plant flowers over them,
    And lull me to sleep with songs I once sang to you.

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Forgiveness, two...

    Forgiveness you ask.
    Forgiveness you ask?
    The crime in my self,
    The blood on my hands,
    The lashes ripping through your skin
    My hand holding the whip
    Your hand holding the flower...

    The whip biting the flower
    Tearing it off your hand
    And smashing it to earth in clouds of dust, choking, blinding.
    The dust settles,
    You bend,
    Pick up the shivered petals in your palm
    And shivering with tenderness offer them to me, smiling.

    Oh, hounds of hell
    Your terrible yell
    Not half as foul
    As my impotent howl...

    And my whip lashes again
    Your smile as loud as your pain
    Will we ever ever ever ever make love in the rain?...

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Autumn Dying...

    Falling leaves. Autumn.
    I think of the autumn you turned into my summer,
    So unusual, miraculous.
    My green withering away, my trees barren,
    Singing birds losing their way back
    And finding other, fresher nesting treetops.
    I was drying, dying, my spine bending down, my gait slowing.
    Where did you come from wild sprite, where from?
    With a bagful of colors you started painting freshness into my breeze,
    Colors into my flowers,
    Life and song in my sagging heart...
    And birds in our common nest.

    You were not an angel, what were you?
    A fairy? A forgotten goddess waking to life,
    A child of beauty?
    Or simply the most wondrous of human creations, a woman,
    A woman in tender first love?

    I drank your milk, I licked your honey,
    I took the bow off my shoulder
    And I shot you.

    Oh, most miserable of human creations, man,
    Confused, lost, ungrateful, thoughtless, in fear...

    I kneeled by your side,
    My bow broken, my heart broken,
    Your eyes shining, pleading, asking questions I had no answers to.
    Oh, magic creature, none but I could harm you
    And I did so, fatally so.
    Your wing... where did you hide it?... you had wings...
    Your wing torn, your side ripped open, gushing life.
    I howled... Forgiveness... I howled, is there any?
    As you slowly crawled into my lap and I crawled underneath your body
    Gently lifting your torn wing by your ripped side
    And I started singing old forgotten incantations into your ear,
    Of old languages, of old gone lovers, of never gone love...
    Not lullabies but prayers, prayers to you,
    To my warmth's brook,
    To my life's source,
    Prayers of redemption, of healing, of life.

    Stay by me,
    Let me feed you my life,
    Let me paint you my love,
    Let me offer you my warmth,
    Never leave, no, never leave
    Lest my forest dries anew,
    Lest my soul wanes,
    Lest my autumn dies into final terrible winter...

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Musings...

    You told me once that you become
    The words you say.
          And lurking thoughts behind the screens
          Like silent hunters' telling fins
          Are mild reminders of the beast
          Who drags its hulk down mindless mist
          Awaiting life's one single tear
          To break its chain, it's cage to shear,
    And pounce its prey.

    You told me once that you become
    The songs you sing.
          Forgotten notes keep bouncing on
          Upon a life's untended lawn
          Reflecting wishes times unseen
          From raging blue to blissful green
          Till comes a moment loaded fear
          And outside crawls the deadly spear
    And kills the spring.

    I wish you were the whispered word
    The guileless rhyme of flying bird,
    The never ending tender song
    That never knows the right from wrong,
    I wish you were... the gentle you,
    The one I knew, the one I knew...

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Random Seasons...

    do you remember
    july's smiling moon,
    a sparkling december,
    a flower in june?

    do you remember
    an april fools day,
    a ring in november,
    that first kiss in may?

    october was crying
    with yellows and reds,
    and august sweet sighing
    september love weds...

    a january frozen tear the call of love denies
    and shyly hides in glassy dreams depths february's eyes
    remembering the passion's call under a rainbow's arch
    forgetting time, forgetting pain, when was it?... was it march?...

    i was your adonis,
    my goddess you were,
    and summer now gone is
    in autumn's cold glare.

    we met in a fire
    we parted in rage,
    a winter's desire
    played spring on a stage.

    we knew it could never,
    we hoped that it may,
    we know that forever
    now short is one day...

    the memories are settling down in random album sheets,
    few times, untold, a crippling crave shreds glimpses down to bits,
    and when one day you'll knock on door as ask... remember?... then
    i'll take your hand and guide your mind to what, and where, and when...

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Never Lost...

    So much love,
    Clean, pure air
    Locked away in a floating citadel
    Isolated from reality by an impenetrable bubble
    Anchored to the world by a wish twined into a dream,
    Only two keys ever forged, created.
    We owned the keys.

    And the powers of flesh
    And the powers of money and insurance and sickness and human weakness
    Joined forces tearing at the chain
    Ripping away the anchor
    And letting the citadel fly away to unknown destinations,
    Lost,
    The keys orphans in our pockets.

    The love locked in,
    Safe, protected in its layers of memories,
    Lost,
    Never lost...

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Sparkling Lights...

    God of my ancestors,
    I don't pray much to you,
    Actually I hardly pray at all
    Because, as you know, I don't really believe in God.
    But this time please let me do it formally,
    And pray,
    You know, you can do it for me because we are friends nevertheless.

    Put the spark back in the blue
    Paint the laughter in the hue
    Let her memories retain
    Just the beauty of that pain
    When we knew we couldn't be
    Yet, in tender whispers we
    Planted flowers, planted seeds,
    Passion's rare exotic weeds,
    Dreams unwise and wishes some
    Though we knew that time will come
    When we'll lock the secret gate
    Pawn its key with mistress fate,
    Grows the garden, cannot die,
    Blue its heart and blue its eye.

    Thick the roots and sunken deep,
    Smile my lover, don't you weep,
    Let my kiss play on your lip
    As those memories you reap.

    And let her taste all world's delights
    As she regards those sparkling lights

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Friends Of The Heart...

    Memories,
    The beauty of yesterday
    Locked away under the powerful lock of time
    Unbreakable,
    Ineffaceable except by the frailty of our minds
    And the filters of our tinted wishes.
    And the pieces of paper
    Scribbled hastily on the back of parking tickets
    And empty sandwich bags,
    Carefully stowed away,
    Remove the frailty
    Untint the filters
    And let us again have that unobstructed view
    Of memories
    In all their virginal beauty.

    We knew we don't stand a chance,
    Brittle humans fighting the mighty currents of life
    Yet we plunged in
    Paddling madly with our body, feet, one hand
    As the other encircled savagely the other's chest refusing to let go...
    We lost the war,
    The monster called life dragging in all its reserves
    And waging a combat intent on annihilation
    Irrelevant of costs, loss, destruction.
    And it won.

    But we won one battle, one singles short and glorious battle,
    Oh, the sweetness of victory,
    The enchanting few years of life and love and glow
    Written in stone, written on paper,
    Locked in time and in the pride of our hearts,
    In memories,
    Never to die, always to cherish.

    Life is licking its wounds,
    Bleary and indifferent in its stride
    Looking down on us in its pitiless manner
    And moving on to bother other humans.
    We stay behind, the battle field deserted,
    We know we lost
    Yet we smile with puny human superiority
    Looking at the mountains we seeded in our battle's wake
    And know that this is one battle we won losing it.

    Stupid, pitiful, ignorant life.
    Our ways may have been separated,
    Our hearts may have been left bleeding,
    Yet with stubborn insistence we climb to our feet again
    The spark regaining the eye
    Finding new beauty, new loves, new reasons to smile,
    The steel of memories guiding our ways
    And knowing that whatever the power of those implacable currents may be
    We are never farther than
    One handhold,
    One heartbeat,
    One memory away.

    Friends of the heart,
    The sweetness of love finding final refuge
    In the warmth of never ending friendship.

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th's...

    Thin this wail striding my heart
    Threading through my fledgling art
    Heed my plea
    Do set me free
    from thee...

    Mountains hugged your rocky nest
    Lover's hell your fire's zest
    Dreams and wine
    And love divine
    were thine...

    Rivers ran through soggy verse
    Soaked in bliss and loaded curse
    Spell and vow
    Are dimming now
    and thou...

    Let the garden's flowers sing
    In your heart be always spring
    Do not fear
    I'm always near
    thy tear...

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Gone Is...

    Gone is blue,
    Hell's gardens dew,
    Gone to worlds of heartbreak hue,
    Depth her eyes dead embers glow
    Long her path grey ashes sow,
    Dies her garden... flow tears, flow...

    Gone is green,
    Hell's fires queen,
    Gone to worlds of pain unseen,
    Depth her chest ice gardens grow
    Painting breasts the cold of snow,
    Dies her music... flow tears, flow...

    Gone is life, the blue of streams,
    Gone is life, the green of dreams,
    Depth my thoughts death's blizzards blow
    Crawling nightrise ends the show,
    Dies my sunshine... flow tears, flow...

AutumnsWinterText

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